BEES?*

- Mel

At the start of my birthday week, on my drive out to the golf course for a women’s clinic, I got stung by a bee. Yes, in my car. Yes, while I was driving 50 mph. Yes, on the back of my neck. Yes, it hurt. There’s still a giant lump underneath my hairline.

Happy Birthday to me.

I don’t know what it is about bees and about them stinging me. I don’t consider myself a threat. But I seem to be predisposed to this happening, while completely NOT bothering them. Unless you consider me bothering them in so much as I interrupted their flight path by being on a road with my motor vehicle. That fucker… it seriously dropped from the small popped crack in my sunroof.

I have been stung several times over my trips around the sun.

The first time
The first time that I was stung by a bee it was in my grandparent’s front yard, in the fall, after jumping into a pile of leaves that my precious Pappy had just collected for my sister and I. It was behind the knee. I was around the age of 10.

The second time
The second time that I was stung by a bee it was at Conneaut Lake Park (RIP). This occurred maybe a year or two after my first time. I was at a food kiosk in the middle of the infamous midway, loading up my fresh cut fries with a few bottles of malt vinegar. I put my arm down on the counter. This one must have been more painful than the prior bee sting because I unlocked a memory about our family attempting to find the first aid center to get me some care.

The third time
It took a few more years, but I was stung again. The third time took place while laying at the beach, Headlands Beach State Park (GOSH how lucky was I to grow up near this amazing place?! Man, do I miss living near water.). He, the bee, got my 19-20-year-old finger. I didn’t leave the beach. That would be stupid. (It takes me much less to want to leave a beach these days.)

The fourth time
The third time took place in an era where I was diagnosed with panic disorder and was taking xanax on the regular – not because of bees but because of a reduction in my brain’s serotonin or something. Mid-2000s. Anyways, the bee got me. Finger again. Stuck in my hair on the deck of my house and I pulled it out. Man, do I have such a vivid memory of the bathroom I was in, tending to the sting. Tending to my inevitable panic attack. This memory of the bathroom also unlocked a memory of the bathroom at my grandparent’s house where I tended to my first bee sting. (Maybe I need to write about memorable bathrooms in my life.)

These were the most formative memories. Of course, there were others. If you want to know why I ABSOLUTELY FREAK THE FUCK OUT when bees are around, now you know the “why.” Is this a lot of times to be stung by a bee in one’s lifetime.

*my favorite play in Cards Against Humanity. I can still hear an old friend from my old neighborhood saying it in his distinct voice, despite not seeing (or hearing) him in over 7 years. BEES?

WEEKLY THERAPY: Don’t let your stubbornness stand in your own way

- Mel

*cough* *cough* Is this thing on? (Thanks for the headline, Co-Star notifications!)

the week:
I’ve heard this week between Christmas and New Year’s referred to as “Dead Week.” I’m confused about what I should be doing this week, really. Like, I’ll dabble with work here and there. Tend to my plants. Go to a few yoga classes and gym sessions. Finish up a couple of books to complete my 50 Books Challenge for the year. Absorb all the warmth of furry cat snuggles.

Eat cookies. (duh)

And of course, I’ll do a few deadlifts for S&G.

weekend:
The New Year’s Eve dinner goddesses smiled upon us and opened up a reservation for Harbinger. Also: The Capital Striders will be again hosting its annual Mitten Run tradition on January 1st – to collect cold weather items for the Boys & Girls Club of Central Iowa.

seven things, seven days:
1. I am mere days away from transitioning into my preferred day planner — one that I completely dropped the ball on ordering in time for last year and which, inevitably, sold out before the new year arrived. (For context, I ordered my 2023 planner in JULY!!)
2. Twenty twenty-three though. JFC.
3. It’s hilarious to revisit prior resolutions + intentions posts and read themes that have seemingly sustained themselves for nearly 10 years. Also: Remember that year when I set a “30 Days of Promises” challenge for EVERY MONTH OF THE YEAR?
4. Bathing suit shopping = it’s the worst!
5. Thinking a lot about this lately (after seeing a horrible “take” on why certain participants in sport don’t “count”): If you do athletics, then you’re an athlete. {via She’s a Beast}
6. Is anyone else feeling “stuck” when considering 2023 goals or resolutions or intentions? The only thing I’ve really landed on is the word “warmth” as a guiding focus for my year.
7. For your further consideration: The word of your year {via Shangrilogs}

Toenails and marathons and things not necessarily about aging but definitely impossible beauty standards

- Mel

Usually I get to the point where I’m peeling off a bloody sock after a long run that I realize it’s time to cut my toenails. Something silly that I otherwise should be more mindful of but am not.

In my 20s, when I was actively single and courting one person in particular quite hard, I broke the toenail on my big toe. At that period in my life I was obsessed with minding my feet. And when that toenail broke on the eve of visiting that aforementioned beau I made an appointment with a nail salon to GET A FAKE NAIL applied to my toe.

I can shake my head at that person now. Who has seemingly shed the impossible standard of beauty – as hard as that is for any woman. And settled into a life less… ahem, single. (OMG, Grammarly wants to change that last line to “lifeless” and yes, sometimes it does feel like that.)

As I make my next Botox appointment. And make a down payment on new hair.

I cannot remember the last time that I had a pedicure.

I’m running my 6th marathon in a couple of weeks. Cause for any to celebrate my body. And like a cruel joke, turn 45 the next day. But I’ll be here:

Wheel of torture. Take a spin?

And by “here” I mean in Prague – which I haven’t been to since 2007 – and am I still this person*?

*a person who ignores signage to STAY OFF and goes to sex museums and schedules last-minute flights to Europe to travel by herself and drinks drinks that are set on fire. A blogger, a writer. Things I am not anymore: a smoker (quit in 2008), someone who uses tanning beds (thanks, skin cancer!). I am still someone that still has that tank and cardigan hanging in my closet. Lollllllll

Corn on a Stick: What even was 2020

- Mel

I haven’t left the house much and have spent entirely too much time scrolling social media, for all I know cats are trolling the city streets right now. Ha, just kidding. I see all you assholes posting about your traveling and vacations and going to fucking bars in the middle of a pandemic. I’m not here to mince words either: Fuck you and the anti-masker that raised you. Meanwhile, I have visions of vaccinations running through my head, knowing that it will be unlikely I’ll see anywhere outside of Central Iowa until late 2021. (Thanks, Kim!)

Despite the Dumpster Fire that was 2020, I had some moments where the flames were temporarily doused. For one, I was lucky enough to get in a vacation before the news of the pandemic reaching the United States hit. Oh wait, I was actually ON A CRUISE when the headline published that the virus had come. A fucking cruise. Thinking about it now blows my mind. However, it was an amazing trip and we consider ourselves lucky as to the timing of it. While it sucks to have to use the bulk of your PTO so early on in the year, this was perhaps the biggest lesson ever in “use it or lose it” (ya know, if I actually had a job where I was earning PTO, lolz). Before everything shut down, I was also able to travel for roller derby a few times – including going to Lincoln for a training camp with some of my derby idols. I played in a few bouts with my new team and realized (again!) how much I love this sport. Alas, beyond March, derby has been shut down and I only went on a handful of trail skates over summer. I want to go back to practices so bad. 😭

This leads me to another highlight of the year – finally finishing my master’s degree. Which included finishing my thesis research (which, unfortunately, had to be shut down early due to the pandemic). THREE YEARS OF WORK that I was finally able to see to its end. I completed the bulk of my degree requirements (i.e., coursework) over a year ago, but had more difficulty in finding internship sites (even more so during COVID/sport shutdowns). The bright side here was that I could finally do my contact hours virtually and individually which was always my preference and not allowed and ONLY THEN did I crush that requirement. 2020 helped me figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life (at least for the foreseeable future while I figure out if working for myself is actually sustainable). But I learned what I like and don’t like and what and how I do things that are authentically me and not because someone else does them. Those are important lessons even when you’re 43-years-old.

I also trained for another ultra. Yes, my race was canceled. I ran it anyway. Inspired by a friend who finished a VIRTUAL HUNDRED MILER, I felt like training for a 30-miler would not be a waste of time and the best excuse to get me outside several times per week. (It worked!) The other thing that got me outside a lot? Golf. I played a record number of rounds this year. I was also able to participate in the entirety of the women’s 9-hole season. Some weeks, this was the only time I saw another human being outside of my husband. Surprisingly, I didn’t bike as much as I have in past years, I think because of how much I associate it with the social aspect.

But I did read more than prior years! (Look for a post on that later.) Even with a pandemic lull that occurred when I only wanted to stare at games on my phone for hours on end, I still finished 54 books in 2020. My initial goal was for 52 books – a goal that I reached in 2015. Having access to the library for window pick-ups and digital loans was such a benefit to have during the shutdowns. For what it’s worth, in 2021 I’m aiming for 60 books. Because all I see is more free time ahead of me. More free time, more plants, amirite?! I acquired a silly amount of houseplants this year and almost didn’t kill all of them.

So, what’s the lesson in 2020? Stupidly – and I am so, so sorry, Universe! – I set an intention early on in the year to “Be more bored.” BOY OH BOY was I ever bored. And I did not like it one bit. Particularly when I realized that the bulk of my life – work, play, volunteer, school – was centered around sport, and I had literally NOTHING to do. My husband even remarked on the realization of how much I was doing stuff outside the house. Well… I guess I learned that I need some more variety and some more boredom in my life. I learned the importance and value of the outdoors. I learned the importance of being authentic. I learned that I can sustain the life of a plant and that MAYBE I DO HAVE A GREEN THUMB AFTER ALL. I learned that JOMO is the inverse of FOMO. I also learned that I really like my hair shorter, while I wait on bated/masked breath for when I can feel it’s not a high risk to go to the hair salon (it’s been 15 months since I’ve had a haircut and I AM OVER IT and yet I refuse to give myself an at-home fix).

*waves wildly at all the things* Look, this all sucks. I hate being home all the time. I AM WITH YOU on all that. But wear your fucking masks and stay home.

Farm Report: 6.12.20

- Mel

summer 2020 is canceled

NO FAIR
(Yes, I know that Raygun already coined this.) Iowa State Fair board has decided to cancel this year’s festivities. Unsurprising, yes. Last year was (finally) my first visit to the fair and I had an absolute blast. Sure I’ll miss my fried-corn-dog-stuffed-with-a-pickle-on-a-stick, but… To be honest, I can’t stop thinking about all those east side families who rely on the fair for the extra financial boost by using their properties for parking, etc. – and how they, too, will be impacted by this cancellation.

NO PRIDE
Okay, there will always be Pride in this house, though the lack of community celebration is certainly a bummer. This year I purchased a Progress Flag to display, and could no longer resist the siren of the witty Raygun apparel.

NO CONFERENCE
Technically the annual conference has not been canceled (yet), but my abstract was. *sigh* Receiving the rejection email this week was like a turd schmear on an already-turd bagel. I’m feeling a lot of feelings about having most parts of my life grounded – though I completed my thesis, which is currently in the hands of my second reader. And if there is one highlight of this all… my thesis ended up being 69 pages. 😬

SPEAKING OF BAGELS
One benefit of the pandemic has been the abundance of shops, farms, and other like producers who are doing local home delivery (I just received my first milkman delivery today! HOORAY!). Good Bagels start-up in Des Moines WILL DELIVER TO YOUR HOUSE. And if you just need an excuse to get out of the house, I believe they have a stand at the Playhouse Market every Saturday.

is it corn?

Yesterday was Corn on the Cob Day, and here’s a fun quiz to see how well you know your corn.

midwest shenanigans

No shenanigans here: I stand for all Black lives and all Black Lives Matter. Here are some area organizations that could use your assistance both physically and financially: Des Moines Black Lives Matter, Iowa Citizens for Community Improvement, Des Moines NAACP (yes, you can be white and join/support the NAACP!), and the Iowa Bond Project. Also, write to your city council, congresspeople to demand police reform.

Farm Report: 5.11.20* Birthday Edition

- Mel

OF ALL TIMES TO HAVE A SATURDAY BIRTHDAY. (I guess I need to stop with the all-caps; Grammarly is telling me that I sound angry.)

something in the way she moos

The pandemic has forced us to change how we work and build relationships with local vendors, retailers, restaurants, and farmers. Sadly, I missed out ONCE AGAIN for any local CSAs. However I AM HERE FOR the Return of Milk Delivery.

Sheeder Cloverfield Dairy has set up a home delivery program – and I put a deposit on my refrigerated lockbox. They are partnering with Big Sky Baking and Southwest Iowa Egg Coop to include bread and eggs, respectively, in their deliveries.

other birthday slash local support

Happy to support the following local peeps for Birthday Week: Lemon cake from Red’s Bakery; margaritas and cupcakes from Creme; Thursday goulash from The Dam Pub; a tower of alcoholic beverage-flavored cotton candy from Chocolate Storybook (and a side of PICKLE COTTON CANDY!); macarons from La Mie Bakery; Winefest celebration with ROCA; ice cream from Black Cat (omgggg that Breakfast Trash); smoothie sours from Barn Town Brewing; chocolate truffles from Stam.

Look, I’m… probably not going to want to eat sugar for another 3-6 months after this.

Special thanks to my spouse for homemade meals of enchiladas and eggs benedict and cleaning all the bathrooms this weekend – effectively stretching my birthday celebrations through Mother’s Day. I am a lucky and very full lady.

midwest shenanigans

And then there is THIS: Fair Food Fridays. Anyone craving a Hot Beef Sundae?

Webinars I have taken during quarantine

- Mel

Intro to Data Science: Python Fundamentals (lol)

Preventing Trauma post Covid-19

Coronavirus and Youth Sports: What the Future Holds

How to Play During Covid-19 (sports-related – featured Omar Vizquel!!!)

Partnership Webinar: Drake Athletics Challenges & Pivots

Going Digital: Online Consulting for Mental Performance

Solving Sparrows (so much thanks to the North Branch Nature Center in Vermont for this!)

Farm Report: 5.1.20

- Mel

Happy May Day!

I have hit a milestone in becoming an “official” Iowan by receiving my first May Day surprise.

egg layer

A friend of mine had extra farm eggs and did a porch drop this week. And now I am looking up the city code on chickens. Several of our neighbors have chickens and the (neighbor’s) coop behind our house already drives the cats NUTS. It’s probably a fun/terrible idea.

to market to market

Apparently Farmer’s Markets are allowed to be open again here in Iowa? I’m not ready. But if these organizations/farmers can make them work while including physical distancing measures, cool. I still have no visible germination on my pepper plants. And, while a little late, I’ve currently got some tomato seeds soaking to be planted. Let’s hope for one of those magical long, late Iowa summers.

midwest shenanigans

RAYGUN is the best for making light of some polarizing situations (and, err, people). Of course I had to purchase a Resting Mask Face face mask. Also a portion of the proceeds of sales will go to local community food banks.

Farm Report: 4.24.20

- Mel

Anyone else equating this current environment to Groundhog Day? (Hopefully not Russian Doll. If you’re looking for something to binge and haven’t seen it, might I kindly recommend you do so? Same for Groundhog Day if, FOR SHAME, you haven’t yet seen that either.)

Things are starting to become greener around central Iowa and once again I awaiting the Take Down by my seasonal allergies. Funny thing about living in a city for so many years, you don’t realize how sensitive your corn pollen allergy is. Or that corn pollen allergies exist.

growing season

Speaking of corn and the color green, the fun John Deere farm equipment has been spotted out on the roads and fields, so I guess planting season is underway. One of my Iowa Goals is to get to ride in/on one of those giant pieces of machinery, and I think I’ve already made a contact to do so.

A few years ago, I received small seedlings for tomato plants, which were lovingly tended to by a former coworker. Because I no longer have that contact, I need to acquire some tomato seedlings! When we moved into our current house it came pre-planted with two tomato plants that produced tiny fruit for us for a few months. I positively loved going out to my deck and picking my own fruit. In any event, I received a porch drop of seeds for tomatoes and peppers, so fingers crossed that this urban farmer has green thumbs.

when life gives you lemons

How are yinz holding up? Need lemons? Need tequila?

Can I grow a lemon tree in Iowa?

midwest shitfest

Look, I will not sugarcoat this rim. All of these social distancing mandates and event cancellations SUCK (I was to have gone to Europe on April 30 and WAS training to run the Prague Marathon that would have taken place on May 3). I lost my job. I also cannot complete my masters program because all of sports shut down. ALAS. I am NOT ready to leave the security of my crawlspace couch. So, yes, while some parts of Iowa will open and allow for more Things/Fun, please remember this:

JOMO over here in this house.

what’s bringing me joy this week

- Mel

(yes, I love the podcast Pop Culture Happy Hour)

Also, I love this article: Our Very Correct Food Opinions {via Serious Eats}

Having Unpopular Opinions is very popular right now (yes, The Beatles are a shitty band). Remember when I posted about how the internet was flooded with this “DO EVERYTHING THE END OF THE DECADE COMETH” as we approached 2020? This exact thing is happening again with the “YOU MUST HAVE CREATED THE NEXT BIG THING” during the quarantined-isolated nature of this pandemic era. I am firmly on Team Fuck That.

But seriously, FUCK THAT.

In other more joyous news: Our other house is finally sold! I can now run free in the land of one mortgage. Hahahahaha just kidding. I can’t pay for anything because I am still a broke graduate student with over $100k in loans trying to finish the last of her thesis and contact hours amidst a FUCKING PANDEMIC and who has been indefinitely furloughed from even the very meager earnings of her part-time job.