Group Therapy

SUNDAY LATELY: Planning, Loving, Reading, Wishing, Feeling

- Mel

I’m joining in today’s Sunday Lately as part Blogger, May I? month of prompts.

Planning:
Oh, I’m planning to be outdoors for most of today and tomorrow. The weather here in Pittsburgh has been downright beautiful, and what a way to start the summer season. See also: POOL TIME!

Loving:
We spent a good bit of time out in our courtyard yesterday cleaning. I also had a gift card to spend at HomeGoods, so I picked up a few decor items for outside — candles, lanterns, some new seat cushions for our bistro chairs. Sadly, could not find the right size, right color free-standing umbrella. I even spray-painted an old IKEA iron table that’s been hanging out in our basement for a couple years. I absolutely adore our courtyard and love that we can have this type of outdoor space while living in the city.

A photo posted by Melinda (@melliesmel) on

Reading:
I’ve loaded up a few books to my iPad’s Kindle app to enjoy poolside today. I’m only 4 books behind pace to finish 52 books this year, so I plan to catch up by at least 1. By tomorrow, I’d really like to be up to only 2 behind. I know that I’ll be able to catch up completely once my semester is over in August. Anyways, lazy days of reading really make me feel happy.

Wishing:
I haven’t golfed in a couple years, so I’m wishing for a moderately-painless game today (I’m pretty bad). I never devoted enough time to get my golf game up to par (HAR!), but since the boyfriend started going more regularly I’ll be out a lot more this summer practicing. He’s the complete opposite golfer than me and so relaxed, where I am incredibly frustrated. Hoping some of that will rub off on me.

Feeling:
So, this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but we recently joined a country club and my first time visiting is today. I’m feeling really anxious about “fitting in” and making sure I “follow” appropriately all the social cues of being a member. Again, I realize how ridiculous this sounds, but I am terribly awkward at these sorts of social functions and at making small talk and feel a little out of my element. I’m trying to focus on that pool and pretending that I’m on vacation.

Makeup Must-Haves

- Mel

I am obsessed with make-up, Blogger, May I? followers, so I’m excited to post about my favorite daily products for today’s prompt.

I’m a subscriber to ipsy and PopSugar MustHave, and I used to regularly get Birchbox and Julep. I like to sample and try new things, but I generally wear make-up to look like I’m not wearing any. That’s the 30-something secret. WINK. Many of my MUST HAVE, CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT products are things that I’ve discovered within the last couple years because of these subscriptions.

So much lip stuff in the background there!
So much lip stuff in the background there!

In any event: I start with the AGE SMART skinperfect primer from Dermologica. I fell in love with Dermologica during a facial last year at the spa at Nemacolin and use several of their skin care products. Then, I follow up with a BB cream from Tarte (it’s the PERFECT color for my skintone, feels light but still covers) and an undereye concealer from It Cosmetics (Bye-Bye Under Eye is so amazing that I even wear while I run; I’ll pretend it’s because of the sunscreen benefit). I then brighten my lids and eye area with Well Rested powder from Bare Minerals. I seriously rarely leave the house without applying this on/around my eyes. I don’t typically wear foundation since my face is pretty oily, but if I do, I opt for LORAC Natural Performance; otherwise, I use a brush to set my BB-prepped face with a powder from Napolean Perdis (since ULTA stopped carrying it, I have to now buy from Bergdorf, which makes me feel fancy).

My lids then get a quickie sweep of color from Pacifica — it’s very neutral but a tiny bit frosty — and blush from Tarte. I’m positively obsessed with the waterproof formula from Bare Minerals: Flawless Definition. It stayed on during a 5K in a rainstorm and the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in the sweaty heat (because, yep, I do prefer to have a little make-up on when I workout). I recently noticed that I received more compliments when NOT wearing eyeliner (weird), so that’s been removed from my daily routine and I feel A-OK about it; I’ll pull out a fun bold eye for a party or something and will also draw in my eyebrows then. I haven’t mastered contouring like some of those fab youtubers (it’s so fascinating!), but I will use bronzer and highlighter for nights out.

All-in-all, my make-up routine takes less than 10 minutes. Throughout the day, I use green tea blotting linens from Boscia to blot my shiny areas and opt for Burt’s Bees lip balm when my lips are feeling dry. And that’s basically my make-up routine.

Have you discovered any fun products from monthly subscription boxes? Do you use any of the same brands?

Knowing Your 30-something Style

- Mel

Today’s Blogger, May I? prompt: Describe Your Style.

If I could sum up my clothing style in one word, it would be: comfort. Now, I’m not always running around in yoga pants or pajamas (although I did that quite often in my freelancing days), but if something doesn’t fit or sit right on my body I feel really uncomfortable.

But if we’re completely honest, I do feel most comfortable and powerful in my workout clothes.

I tend to err on the side of classic; trendy things generally make me feel out of place. I mean, I’ll try some hot pink lipstick when I’m feeling like making a stylish entrance and having some fun with fashion. I like to dress up for events, but most times it leaves me feeling exposed and anxious — quite the opposite of comfort. Oh, speaking of comfort, this 30-something is basically all flats, all the time now. I love colors. I love prints. Most times I have zero clue how to put them together. I experience decision fatigue on a nearly daily basis, and Pinterest helps me get out the door looking somewhat-presentable. Otherwise, I’ll buy entire outfits because I know they’re pieces that work well together.

I think most importantly: I know what looks good on my body shape, I’ve had my colors done (I’m a Winter!), and as I’ve mentioned in another post this month, I have a great tailor to make sure things FIT properly.

Blogs You Will Love

- Mel

Admittedly, I follow a LOT of blogs via my Feedly (RIP, Google Reader, you were the best). Most posts I scan briefly and quickly mark as read. Others I have lost interest from over the years and immediately delete, and OMG I need to clean up my feed. Still others I get COMPLETELY ANNOYED BECAUSE I HAVE A READER FOR A REASON! My biggest blog peeve are those who only post the first sentence or paragraph, forcing you to click through. Anyways. I have categories for house stuff, more for food stuff; I read gluten-free blogs, running blogs, and keep in touch via blog to my friends in Cleveland. I geek out over a lot of psychology and science blogs. And then I get inspired over in my “Fuzzy Feelings” folder.

For today’s Blogger, May I? prompt I’m going to tell you about just a couple blogs that I LOVE, love.

The Financial Diet: Some of the stuff can get monotonous, but there is a LOT of good information here, especially for young 30-something ladies like yourself. Plus, the confessionals help put into perspective all your money problems. Unless you’re the person who just wrote it, then you very obviously learned your lesson.

Mark Manson: Oh, he of “subtle art of not giving a fuck” fame. Everything he writes — and I literally mean everything — is raw and insightful and straight from his soul. His soul is brilliant, btw. He really has an astute knack for posting something right when I’m feeling something similar too. tl;dr: He gets me.

Emily Cassel: Her web space is pretty. Her writing is pretty. Shit, she’s pretty. She has a way of making you feel as though you can get through every barrier holding you back — and that dreams don’t have to be just imaginary.

Life Less Bullshit: As the title of her post suggests, Nicole redirects the bullshit by using her life stories as a catalyst to connect humanly and honestly with her readers. Plus, like me, she has the history of killing a blog that no longer represented the person she is now. Lady’s got some real-deal balls and isn’t afraid to put out there that IT’S OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. It’s become something of my mantra lately, and she embodies what it means to be authentic to the self first.

Tell me about your favorite blogs in the comments!

Maybe not so creative…

- Mel

For today’s Blogger, May I? the ladies want me to Show Off Something [I’ve] Created… and, well, I got nothing. To be honest, I just finished a late-night class session. I have three assignments already due tomorrow (ack!), and I’m feeling like that week completely got away from me. But, I’ll get this post done today, dammit.

I envy other’s DIY projects and artistic abilities. I tried to paint a bathroom once — only one wall — and ended up with paint on the ceiling, the tile floor, my slippers (and subsequently everything else I walked through afterward). I can’t cook creatively (or even from a recipe, for that matter). The closest I got to actually DIY’ing something is making a Pinterest board. If you want to call it creation: I can write a 12-page paper in just a few hours, with several citations and a 100% grade. That’s my true talent.

And I created this space here — that’s something, right?

At the end of last year, I took part in The Happiness Conspiracy, and it was an opportunity to do something creative while meeting wonderful women and plotting our revenge on unhappiness. I loved those sessions because it forced me to do things that I wasn’t very good at. We painted, we colored, we did decoupage collages (is that the right word?), and even some black-out poetry. I miss the opportunity to be creative-provoked.

And seriously, isn’t coloring the best?

How Do You Define Beauty?

- Mel

I could have put today’s post under yesterday’s Blogger, May I? prompt about struggles. How someone defines beauty is so subjective that it feels insensitive to project how or what I think it is. Like art, beauty is open to interpretation. It’s one of those things you know it when you see it.

Sleep is beautiful for some people.

Nature is beautiful to others.

Being able to spell “beautiful” without Googling it could be your definition of beauty. Or beauty simply in just the words.

There is beauty in many things and within people or about people. People, though, is how most would start to define the meaning of beauty. Looking in and up are ways to expand the definition of beauty.

To be honest, I feel pretty wordless right now about this topic, as it is difficult to personally define. I guess that I know beauty when I feel something “light up” within me. I’m inspired, I’m moved, I’m affected. I love.

Current Struggles

- Mel

Today’s post is part of Blogger, May I?, with today’s prompt being Current Struggles.

I am no stranger to the struggle bus. Lately — while I’ve come to terms with my age — it’s weighted with the message of “I’m too old for this shit.”

struggle post

How do you tell someone you care about that you’ve changed too much despite them? I don’t even know if that’s the right way to put it… sometimes it feels like a lapse or distance in maturity and judgment. I don’t want to be around fake people — those who often ask for advice but never listen. Gah, is that the pinnacle of some bullshit, the opposite of authenticity. I don’t want to be around people who continually put themselves into situations where all the consensus of advice goes out the window. Not saying that my guidance is appropriate for everyone, but when values are misaligned… well, it’s just not going to work out. Perhaps I’ve just been shit on too many times, but it’s a struggle to find balance to accept someone for who they are and just not liking the person that they’ve become.

Alas, my current struggle has a lot to do with change. I’m no longer afraid of it, but I am frequently disappointed because of it. And I’ve found it very freeing that instead of holding on to the ideals of my former self, I can be all I CAN CHANGE WHAT I WANT. Going back to my aforementioned situation, I’m trying not to be a hypocrite and understand that others may not be so accepting of me.

And I need to find peace with both scenarios.

SUNDAY LATELY: Completing, Visiting, Repeating, Applauding, Scheduling

- Mel

Today’s Blogger, May I? prompt is another Sunday Lately post. I spent most of my morning riding a struggle bus hangover (woof). I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Completing:
Today’s my last day of Spring Break, and my final semester begins tomorrow. I’ll be taking two courses for the first six weeks, then another two the second six weeks — one of which is my Applied Psychology Capstone. I’ve submitted my application for graduation, so now starts that fun waiting-auditing period to ensure I have everything that I need to complete this program.

Visiting:
Visiting with my tailor today. My, how this pile of unfitting clothes (with tags, harumph) has grown. Ladies, if you’re like me and struggle with off-the-rack clothing that fits properly, make sure you have a good tailor in your arsenal. I always have my skirts fit to my shape and pants because, well, that’s all 5’3″ problems of being not too short and not tall enough.

Repeating:
I am a good person with only good intentions. Sadly, I had to remind someone whom I care about quite a bit. I refuse to have another person box me into a negative persona because I have feelings and opinions. And if I have to continue to repeat my intentions, then perhaps this person will never understand me.

Applauding:
Perhaps more of a CHEERS! than applause, but my youngest brother, babiest of the babies, turned 21 today. If you wanted some insight into how old I feel today. He’s a pretty cool dude, so Happy Birthday, brother.

Scheduling:
Our basement flooded for the first time since being in this house, which got worse with yesterday’s storms — something is backed up in the drain going to the city line, so we’ll be scheduling an emergency plumber to assess what’s going on. I’m frustrated and upset and having anxiety about what this might cost us. I couldn’t believe how quickly the water spread to the other side of the basement, and we were pulling everything we could off the floor to higher ground. And the water/sludge stinks, so the clean-up is going to be gross. ARGH.

A Tourist in Pittsburgh.

- Mel

We’re more than halfway through! Today’s Blogger, May I? prompt is Tips on How to be a Tourist in Your City.

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While I consider Pittsburgh to be home, living here for just shy of five years, I still find myself playing the part of tourist. There are still several neighborhoods that I’ve never stepped foot in. I’ve never been to the zoo. I am lost as to what suburbs are in what direction. The East End confuses me to no end. And I still have no fucking clue what the Parkway North is. I haven’t been on a ducky boat. For shame!

Now, living within city limits provides me certain geographical advantages, and it’s been helpful starting from the center outward. Being a former downtown resident, and now a downtown worker, I can help other tourists navigate to their interests. I cannot, however, recommend a convenience store downtown for you to purchase beer, Chicagoans (yes, that happened yesterday). My favorite way to see the city is by foot, but you MUST get a view of the skyline from the water. I’d recommend kayaking — one of my favorite things to do in this city. Also, thanks to Uber, you don’t need to feel “stuck” to one neighborhood any more. Which is why for the first time, since ever, I am excited to go hang out in Lawrenceville tonight.

In any event, I still have a list of things that I’d like to do in Pittsburgh (here are 10):
1. As previously mentioned, go to the zoo…
2. And quack-quack my way onto a Just Ducky boat
3. Visit the Carnegie Museum of Art
4. Go bar-hopping one night in Shadyside
5. Have drinks at Bob’s Garage – and marvel at all the Christmas decorations
6. I gotta Regatta!
7. Get to the Allegheny Observatory during one of their lectures
8. Tour Trundle Manor
9. See a laser show at the Carnegie Science Museum
10. Do a COMPLETE cheat of my diet restrictions, and eat at Jozsa Corner

So that’s some random, huh? What’s on your list?

Inspired. So good.

- Mel

This post needs its own hashtag. But if I took the time to look, I’m sure it already exists.

jack johnson quote

What inspires me? (Today’s prompt from Blogger, May I?) Seemingly a lot these days. And it feels good. SO GOOD.

I find inspiration in little things now that I was oblivious to only a few months ago. Joy in seemingly insignificant interactions with people… or nature. I smile and say “hello” more to passing strangers. I leave my headphones in my bag. I engage with things that are in my sight-line. I look up. Always. Is it inner peace? Perhaps. It’s certainly an effect of me being mindful of my surroundings and conscious of being present. There really is a lot to be said about living in the moment and keeping company with people who make you happy. Those people inspire me most of all. I’ve left my days of being angry all the time behind. Mostly. I’m human. I can snap out of a mood by providing my own perspective. Buh-bye aggressive driving. I’m in no rush.

Slowing down has never felt so good.

I’ve had to come to terms with a lot of the forced happiness that I was feeling for far too long. The people that I chose to be around caused me sufficient grief and… well, I was relentlessly unsettled. By removing the blocks to my growth, I’ve truly changed my perception on so many things. Back to the friends mention from earlier. Man, my friends are doing amazing things, and they are probably my biggest source of inspiration. Every day, I am motivated to learn more, do better, follow through, be gracious — and humbly, they return these friendships. If luck had anything to do with it, well, I am incredibly lucky. I am surrounded by good people.

And the good begets the good.

Banana Pancakes are good too: