Is the month we dub “in like a lion and out like a lamb”? Is there an Iowan farm equivalent? In like manure and out like a corn stalk? Never mind. I can’t make this one funny.

show me your sap

The next full moon on March 31 is called the Sap Moon around these parts, so sayeth The Farmer’s Almanac. But since the southern hemisphere is celebrating the opposite of whatever shit season this is, this month’s second full moon down yonder is the Corn Moon. You’ll have to wait until September harvest to get your Full Corn Moon in Iowa.

poopcorn

Guys, guys… FARMINARS. This is the best Iowan word since the Kybo. Related: “kybo” in Lithuanian means “hanging,” but kybo in Iowan means: KEEP YOUR BOWELS OPEN. OMG.

Also: low-hanging poop. *snicker*

midwest shenanigans

It’s Fish Fry season, aka Lent. Here’s your Fish Fry Guide for Des Moines. I still have yet to find a gluten-free fish fry. Guess Catholic Guilt doesn’t apply to those of us with dietary restrictions, aka fine GIMME ALL THE BACON.