The One Word Project: This post is INTENTIONAL

Continuing on the theme of goals this week… This word was self-selected through a series of goal-setting exercises in March. This theme of intent kept coming up like a random word generator lottery winner.

intentional one word project

Definition of intention, per Merriam-Webster:

1 : a determination to act in a certain way : RESOLVE
2 : IMPORT, SIGNIFICANCE
3a : what one intends to do or bring about
b : the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered
4 : a process or manner of healing of incised wounds
5 : CONCEPT
especially : a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge
6 intentions plural : purpose with respect to marriage

“The process or manner of healing of incised wounds.” OUCH. PSA: Do not google the differences between lacerations and incised wounds.

The thesaurus tells me that I am calculated, willful, and deliberate. I am nothing if not determined, despite my weaknesses and wounds (using as a metaphor for emotional scarring seems apropos here despite MW wanting to grammar correct me). I am intentional – even if I DO NOT PULL IT OFF (emphasis stolen from Vocabulary.com). I am excited by challenge, to achieve something new, change for the sake of change, and ultimately determined to see things through. I am not always a success. That’s OK. I think I’ve lost sight of this in the last few months, distracted by my safety behaviors of escaping and avoidance to prevent me from judgment of others – and worse, rejection from them.

So, what is my overall intention? To stick with something, ask for help when I need it, and see through the difficulties to finish what I started. Yes, I’m looking at you, grad school.

What is the One Word Project? I asked some people in my life to describe me/sum me up in one word to explore areas of strengths and for personal/professional development. I plan to make this part of a regular (and evolving) series and will continue to ask those around me to participate. Read other One Word posts.

Weekly Therapy: Pumpkin all the things!

the week:
Well, there went September. BYE!

pumpkin spice everything fall october
YAY, FALL!

I’m so excited that Fall weather has arrived, and I spent my week mapping out what races I wanted to do over the next couple months (including staying up late again last night to register for one that frequently sells out). I also spent a considerable amount of time pinning pumpkin recipes. I’m pretty excited about my schedule — varied distances, trail races, another half marathon, AND a fun “adventure” run.

If you missed my news on twitter, I committed to running the Vermont City Marathon in 2017! Online registration opens up on rOctober 10 — save $5 with discount code BibRaveDsct17.

weekend:
I’m off on a little adventure to Omaha. BYE!

seven things, seven days:
1. Kinda bummed out about the membership fee increase for LifeTime (unsure if it’s a global pricing change). I’m reconsidering the ROI — particularly because I utilize the facility for a lot of special events, which cost me even MORE on top of my monthly charge. Ehhhhh, I hate making these kind of decisions.
2. Small win this week: I wore my hair down for an ENTIRE day of work!
3. Now that I’m officially on the payroll, adjusting to not getting paid every week is HARD.
4. 3 Reasons to own your career in 2017 — love this article, particularly the section on “martyrdom” {via INC}
5. The death of the phone call. Also BYE. {via Slate}
6. I had no idea that The Secret of NIMH was based on a real-life research project — how did I spend the bulk of my childhood and adult life not realizing that the NIMH of the movie was the acronym for National Institute of Mental Health?! {via Atlas Obscura}
7. Practice matters… but it doesn’t make perfect. {via New Yorker}

Holiday hate: A lesson in loving Christmas

I’m sure most of you can commiserate with me about the Holiday Struggle. I find it really difficult to take time for myself (and my partner… and my cats) without an immense overload of guilt and obligation.

IMG_2110 Holidays have always been a super stressful and dreaded time of year for me. I’m an introvert and large gatherings of people (yes, even family) and fussy or spontaneous things really tire me out and add to my stress level. But the (inevitable) guilt trip of not being ALL OF THE THINGS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE that transpired since I became an adult has associated holiday celebrations with even more anxiety and, sadly, some apathy. That often adds to my feeling largely misunderstood — that my needs are always pushed to the side. That that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, in the name of the Holy Spirit and all that other stuff that I forgot from Midnight Mass. And it’s all my fault, right?

I truly hated Christmas for a long time. Capital H, Hate. My past Christmases included a lot of guilt trips and name-calling (bullying, even) and driving all over Northeast Ohio, tirelessly expecting to stop at multiple locations in the matter of a few hours. And there’s usually some weather to deal with. If I visit one family member (or side) and not the other, there is so. much. snarking. If I consider going away for a holiday (to really get away from all the stress) or not going away at all, there is even harsher commentary. All second-hand, of course, because that’s the family way. There’s rarely any lead time to actually set plans so that we can make sure to see everyone, and a part of me feels guilty for not making a better effort and, the other, angry for being so rigid. It upsets me every year. EVERY YEAR. It’s something that I should have accepted by now, right? But I still bubble with rage when it’s not until the day before and someone confirms with “are you coming home for Christmas?”

There was a chance to “start over” and celebrate the holidays in my (our) own way a couple years ago. I just wanted to wake up in my own bed, in my own house, and celebrate something OURS. Small. US, covered in cat hair. It worked. That little step helped me get back into the spirit and deal with all the spontaneity of the day itself. My boyfriend senses the start of my struggle though (this is why he decorates when I’m away) and does really well in diffusing situations before I explode or when I just really want to drink some eggnog and eat a breakfast of marshmallows and wear some flannel pajamas (for 20 hours or longer). And this time of year, it is — HE IS — something for which I am SO grateful.

Highmark’s December e-newsletter listed some suggestions from Mental Health America on how to cope this holiday and not dread this time of year:

  • Keep your expectations in check. Select only the events that are most important to you, and organize your time and pace yourself. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly.
  • Be realistic about what you can do. The holidays aren’t just about one day, so don’t try to do too much at one time. Spread out events for more fun and less stress.
  • Allow yourself to feel sad or lonely. Allow yourself to have these feelings, but don’t let those emotions overwhelm your day.
  • Look to the future instead of the past. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing today to the “good old days.”
  • Do something for someone else.
  • Enjoy simpler, free activities. Take a drive to look at holiday decorations, go window shopping, listen to music or play in the snow.
  • Spend time with caring and supportive people. This may mean you need to reach out and make new friends, or call someone you haven’t heard from in awhile.
  • And don’t forget to save time for yourself. Take a day off, away from the to-do list. It will recharge your batteries. Remember, too, you are allowed to ask for help.

World Mental Health Day: aging & mental illness

mental-health-day-blogToday is World Mental Health Day, and as a community we’re focusing on mental illnesses and the elderly. It’s something that might not affect us now in our 30s, or even something we want to think about, but definitely something that we should be conscious of — in both our personal struggles and taking care of our aging family members.

From the Dallas Morning News, Pamela Yip lays out the worldwide problem:

By 2050, people over the age of 60 will outnumber children under the age of 15 for the first time in history.

The index compiles data from the U.N., World Health Organization, World Bank and other global agencies. It analyzes income, health, education, employment and age-friendly environments in each country.

The report ranks the social and economic well-being of elders in 91 countries, with Sweden coming out on top and Afghanistan at the bottom.

The U.S. ranked eighth.

This is a huge wake-up call for all of us to find new ways to support and sustain the bulging population of seniors that will be among us.

Thanks to modern medicine, we’re living longer. And while mental illnesses are treatable, most of the worldwide health care systems are not prepared for this population of aging seniors — especially in the U.S. Up to 5.3 million Americans currently have Alzheimer’s disease, and by 2050 the number is expected to more than double. Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States and is the fifth leading cause among persons age 65 and older.

The Carter Center has worked for decades in tackling the challenges in our mental health care system. “Mental illness affects all of us, but there are still many myths and misconceptions about these disorders,” said former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who founded the Carter Center’s Mental Health Program in 1991.

Seniors are coping with a number of major life changes: retirement, financial burdens, loss of health or mobility, loss of social support and death of loved ones. Older adults also can experience hallucinations and paranoia, but their symptoms are masked by other ailments — most often, dementia. The isolation, anxiety and depression that are caused by these changes are often endured for long periods of time. Undiagnosed, the elderly endure a significant and long struggle — and delayed treatment.

As some of you know, I dealt with the loss of my grandmother this year. She struggled with the onset of Alzheimer’s for several years before seeking treatment (at the urging of family members). Alzheimer’s doubles for every five years of age after 60, and by the time someone reaches 85, the chance of developing this condition is 50-50. While my grandmother was eventually receiving treatment, she sustained irreversible damage. The approved treatments for Alzheimer’s are designed to enhance the communication between nerve cells. In some individuals, this will lessen the symptoms; however, these treatments will not prevent the progression of the disease.

From the CDC, which recognizes dementia and Alzheimer’s disease as a mental illness:

Dementia is an umbrella term for a group of cognitive disorders typically characterized by memory impairment, as well as marked difficulty in the domains of language, motor activity, object recognition, and disturbance of executive function – the ability to plan, organize, and abstract. Generally speaking, dementia is an illness of older adults, which suggests that as successive cohorts of our population live longer, the urgency to better address dementia increases. Medications addressing pathologies in neurotransmission underlying dementia have been used with modest – and generally short-term — success in forestalling the usual progression of these disorders.

Sadly, there is no cure for the genetic disease. But there are means to diagnose and treat elderly patients who are experiencing depressive symptoms that often mimic those of dementia. Likewise, there are a few studies that suggest certain behaviors might lessen the risk of developing the disease: increase in physical activity, maintaining social engagement and participating in intellectually-stimulating events.

As a community, we need to take this information to heart, when acknowledging our aging family members — seeking help or providing assistance for the elderly that may be dealing with mental illness.

World Mental Health Day is promoted by the World Health Organization to help raise awareness about mental health issues. The day promotes open discussion of mental disorders, and what the world’s governments and health organizations are doing in prevention, promotion and treatment services.

Lost.

So, I’ve been missing… I know. Let’s just say there has been a lot of emotional turmoil within a few months. The whole skin cancer thing really messed me up. I can’t explain why because on the surface it’s really nothing — or maybe I’m just trying to tell myself that — and I probably need to have my own therapist to work through it. While my scar is healing, the emotional part isn’t.

Bookending that: Three months ago, I lost my grandfather. Then, last month my grandmother went to hospice — she has been in steady decline over the last few years due to Alzheimer’s, and ended up in hospice after falling and breaking her hip (and not recovering from the surgery). Thankfully, we each had our own moments of clarity with her before she passed a few weeks later, which I will never forget.

Losing grandparents three months apart is heartbreaking, and it’s sad to think this might be the eventual separation of family. My grandmother was a huge part of my life — she’s honestly the reason why I was immersed in, well, everything growing up: ballet, piano lessons, art, theater, traveling. She’s also where I get all my strength. That woman was amazing. My grandfather, equally so. Their lives were full of love (married 70 years!) and family, and both were such open, gracious, genuine people. It’s a huge emptiness to deal with.

It’s no wonder that my relationship has suffered too. It’s too much stress and sadness for one person, and there’s only one person to bear the brunt of all that. Sad, but true. I’m working on it though.

For now, I feel lost.

Group Therapy: I’m blogging for Mental Health #mhblogday

Mental health is the foundation of our thoughts, feelings, self-esteem and behaviors and how each (or all) affect our life. Having good mental health provides a feeling of general well-being, helping you make better decisions and coping with everyday stressors. Sometimes, you may need assistance from a professional to take care of mental health — especially if emotions or problems seem beyond your control. I have a family history of (mostly undiagnosed) mental illness and have been personally treated for my own anxiety issues (a cluster of social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD and panic disorder).

I'm Blogging for Mental Health.

Being open about mental health can often lead to even more anxiety because of the stigma, rejection and lack of empathy or understanding for those of us living with mental health issues. Before you judge, educate yourself.

Some mental health facts:
– One in four Americans experiences a mental health disorder every year, according to the National Institutes of Mental Health.
– Chronic stress can affect both our physical and psychological well-being by causing a variety of problems including anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure and a weakened immune system.
– Research published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior finds that 68 percent of Americans do not want someone with a mental illness marrying into their family and 58 percent do not want people with mental illness in their workplaces.

Congress designated May as Mental Health Month in 1949 to illustrate the importance of mental health issues to the overall health and well-being of American citizens. Each year, bloggers will join APA for a Mental Health Month Blog Day to educate the public about mental health, decrease stigma about mental illness, and discuss strategies for making lasting lifestyle and behavior changes that promote overall health and wellness.

Stop the stigma of mental health disorders — and don’t hesitate to get professional services if and when you need help.