midwest shenanigans

Farm Report: 2.14.20

- Mel

Happy New Year (I think I’ve only had ONE post so far in 2020?!) and welcome to the 2020 Farm Report that coincidentally intersects with 2020 Valentine’s Day.

succotash
Groundhog Phil deemed the spring to cometh. And while the Iowa fields got a little shook up and shivered this week with a -30 wind chill, I believe we are ready to defrost. Hellllllo 40-degree temperatures! In all seriousness though, it’s time to start shopping for your tomato seeds. Here’s a handy search to find your estimated frost cycle for your own zip code.

bleeding heart(land)
I ordered a very special heart cake for my husband for Valentine’s Day from Sugar Freak Show and… just OMG it was not only incredibly detailed and quite a feat of sugar engineering, but was a super fun experience. The cake itself was delicious, natch. Also, I can eat “styrofoam” fondant for days and days.

Bleeding heart sugar freak show cake Des Moines
Even the plastic, label, and styrofoam tray were edible!

midwest shenanigans
How about that caucus? Maybe at one point I will write about my full experience. In brief, it was actually a really exciting thing to be a part of (my first Iowa caucus!). I hope that it’s a tradition that remains despite all the WTF that occurred as a result.

Farm Report: 2.15.19

- Mel

Iowa is firmly in a winter storm cycle, with seemingly every Wednesday and weekend adding to the accumulation. I have read about where some of that snow goes (I mean, aside from the ONE day we had when it was 45 degrees and melt happened), but also is there a company that will come and remove these feet of snow from my roof? Also: Did you know it is IMPOSSIBLE to buy a snowblower in the middle of winter? Like, nobody has them for sale in the metro. It’s like when summer hits and you want to buy a bathing suit but they were sold out in February. (So, suffice to say, if you are looking for a bathing suit, NOW IS THE TIME PEOPLE!)

corn syrup bud light super bowl commercial
Gimme that sugar, baby.

oh the corntroversy

Iowa corn farmers are PISSED. Don’t mess with the corn industry, man. Also, your shitty commercial was dumb, Bud Light.

More: Corn farmers are not amused {via Fortune}.

midwest (meat) shenanigans

adding to the midwest bucket list: MEAT RAFFLE. Sadly, I missed this year’s Amana Freezer 5K again, which includes meat bag swag. Yes. A MEAT BAG.

Farm Report: 11.3.18

- Mel

much to do about candy corn

Science tells us why we can’t stop eating all that damn candy. Shut up and give me those mallowcreme pumpkins.

If you’re reading this from outside the metro Des Moines area, did you know that we weirdos celebrate trick-or-treating a day early? The tradition is called Beggar’s Night and historical lore tells us that it was to curb the the not-so-harmless tricks (like vandalism and breaking shit) that occurred the night of Halloween. I’m not sure how that logic works creating a “new” holiday the night before, but the costumed kids are adorable because they tell you jokes.

candy corn and pumpkins halloween candy gimme
Mmmmm… corn syrup.

winter tires are here again

The Changing of the Tires came so fast. Though I am exceptionally happy for my favoritest time of year (besides the fact that my car’s winter tires are seriously fug). I have been tossing around the idea of getting a fat bike this year to continue my biking obsession through winter here in Iowa (I have been riding my bike 4-5 times a week for the last couple months). There is a pretty large bike community in Des Moines – and I’ve seen a few Fat Bikes on the trails here – and, well, I just want to continue playing in the snow in as many ways as possible.

What’s the over/under on accumulation this year?

midwest shenanigans*

*Now with more road trips! Running has already taken me to random points in Iowa and beyond by way of road tripping for races and places to get additional elevation gain. Now with roller derby back in my life, I’m exploring back road towns and B-roads even more (and let me tell you, my performance tires are NOT happy). Last month, I took another trip to Dubuque (that there-and-back and also playing a derby bout was a little painful). Last weekend I was in Vinton. This weekend, I’m off to the Quad Cities. And then the following weekend, I might be playing in a mixer scrimmage in Milwaukee and visiting some of my favorite Brewcity skaters (and definitely going a day early so that I can go to Alt Brew in Madison on the way).

What gluten-free brewery or restaurant suggestions do you got for Milwaukee?

Farm Report: 3.2.17

- Mel

Is the month we dub “in like a lion and out like a lamb”? Is there an Iowan farm equivalent? In like manure and out like a corn stalk? Never mind. I can’t make this one funny.

show me your sap

The next full moon on March 31 is called the Sap Moon around these parts, so sayeth The Farmer’s Almanac. But since the southern hemisphere is celebrating the opposite of whatever shit season this is, this month’s second full moon down yonder is the Corn Moon. You’ll have to wait until September harvest to get your Full Corn Moon in Iowa.

poopcorn

Guys, guys… FARMINARS. This is the best Iowan word since the Kybo. Related: “kybo” in Lithuanian means “hanging,” but kybo in Iowan means: KEEP YOUR BOWELS OPEN. OMG.

Also: low-hanging poop. *snicker*

poopcorn

midwest shenanigans

It’s Fish Fry season, aka Lent. Here’s your Fish Fry Guide for Des Moines. I still have yet to find a gluten-free fish fry. Guess Catholic Guilt doesn’t apply to those of us with dietary restrictions, aka fine GIMME ALL THE BACON.

Farm Report: 6.16.17

- Mel

Not your average baseball scouting notes! But seriously — why are so many baseball players from Iowa? In this weekly wrap-up, I’ll start with an argument over why Ohio is/isn’t in the Midwest. Spoiler alert, Cleveland: Iowans don’t think it is! I’ve always preferred the Great Lakes regional moniker. But what say you?

gratuitous corn shot

32-foot long ear of corn

summer lovin’, happened so fast

My tomato plants and I are loving this sunshine! And I’m pretty sure the Iowa corn has grown 2 feet in one day. Preparing for a few days of high heat & humidity, and the rain this weekend should help keep everything green and blooming.

PS: Was Sandy dead?

midwest shenanigans

Speaking of Ohio, I’ll be returning home over the weekend to eat some midges.

And afterward, I’ll be having brunch at Urban Farmer.

How fitting.