When spring hits and that fluffy green (allergy-inducing) stuff develops on open fields – or when a large empty carpeted hallway opens up from your hotel room/elevator – it’s Cartwheel Time.
Cartwheel Time (CT) has been one of my favorite pastimes since I could master fine motor development. CT started sometime before I actually took up gymnastics but lasted well after I quit the sport and morphed into my cheerleader identity that took me into my 20s and jived well with my Cruise Director (aka: Life of the Party) persona that celebrated CT sometimes at 4am in the parking lot of a Taco Bell.
Ahem.
I coach a group of girls through Girls on the Run and we encourage any and all means of moving with the goal of always moving forward. There are a couple of girls who enjoy breaking up their run/walks with cartwheels. I like this very, very much, and I decided to participate this week since I’m back running-without-injury again and enjoying the heck out of this weather.
During spring break, I had my first assistant coach-ship with a local soccer non-profit camp where the girls (outnumbered by both adults and boys) had NEVER SEEN AN ADULT DO A CARTWHEEL. Naturally, that, too, called for CT.
I experienced an Achilles injury that same week of camp, which is probably coincidental, but I’ve come to find out that it stems from an underlying instability with my hip. At the time, of course, I had no idea how these seemingly un-relatable things were connected. And 7 weeks of physical therapy later, here we are:
Hurting myself with cartwheels.
And yes, my PT said, “maybe you should not be doing cartwheels rn.”
When I say “hurting” I’m not talking about a legit injury, but my hip flares up and when I did a cartwheel last week I couldn’t walk immediately after (and not because I kicked myself in the face or anything). My hip has been angry with me since we had to start regularly doing things like Single Leg Glute Bridges and Banded Monster Walks to make it stronger. It’s a sort of tough love situation where my hip needs to be told to “simmer down now” during certain forms of activity and remind us how we’re in it for the long haul.
I turn 41 in, like, 10 days. I no longer care if I have big boobs. Being untanned is acceptable. I give zero fucks about my un-dyed grey hairs. Facial peels left my face glowing for a whole three weeks and basically reverted back to where I started only $300 broker. Where is this going?! Look, I don’t really care if I’m a fast or slow runner (only that I can run!) or if my VO2 Max is optimal for a 19-year-old (it is, so OK I’m kinda braggy and this is awesome). But cartwheels… not being able to do cartwheels because my hip hurts is the saddest of sads for my aging body.
I waffled (mmmm, breakfast) a bit on importing the posts from my prior blog and decided to do so. If you see anything wonky in the archives, let me know. And if you are at all interested in running and running gear and the running community, well there is a lot of that from the last few years. I don’t want to only write about running, so here’s where I am currently – a transition between a “running blog” and something of a “lifestyle blog.” Which… whatever, I’ll work it out as I go. I no longer have to pretend I have dual identities, which also means that I’ll no longer have to keep two blogs interesting up-to-date.
really amaizing
I’m sure that I’ll get on SOME kind of list for Googling this, and I only did so because of all the pot references today (*eyeroll*): which grows faster, corn or marijuana? Results are inconclusive. Don’t try this at home. (And definitely not in Iowa, where it is not yet legal.)
moo bitch get out the whey
As part of an on-boarding package purchased at my gym, I completed both my active and resting metabolic assessments. Somehow, this tiny body is supposed to consume 4208 calories a day to properly fuel at its current level of activity (which is considerably reduced because of my Achilles injury) and I have lost all ability to comprehend how bodies work.
FOUR THOUSAND CALORIES.
Mind you, I regularly assume around 2700 calories on my active days, but this assessment is basically telling me that is the minimum my body requires for basic functioning and HOW AM I EVEN ALIVE RIGHT NOW. Also, I guess I can eat an avocado with every meal? Because no clue how I even get 229 grams of fat in my diet every day without eating McDonald’s cheeseburgers. (If I ate 3 avocados a day, I would only get 63 grams of fat. What kind of hell is this?!)
See also: currently looking for a local nutritionist.
If you’re not new here, you might have heard about the Drake Relays and its accompanying series of road races that start this weekend. Originally, I was supposed to run the half marathon, but since I got injured, I will be volunteering at the Capital Striders water stop. See me for all your Mile 8 motivation!
BIG FEAR has been a theme around which much of my goal work has focused. What am I afraid of? has been a constant in considering some of the reasons why I either a) don’t end up doing something or b) freaking out needlessly. I have neither the mission of letting others down or creating undue stress for myself. So, I persist in exploring why fear continues to come up for me.
Let’s recap first for March:
1. Find one day every other week – at least 2 hours – where I am working outside of my home. This did not happen this month; however, I DID leave the house quite a bit this month – just not with the intention of work.
2. Connect with a friend – old or new – each and every week. DONE. This small act has made me so happy this month!
3. Do 3 things out of my comfort zone this month. I didn’t necessarily keep track of the quantity but I kept the ultimate goal of getting out of my comfort zone as a recurring theme of the month. So much so, that I submitted an application to do a workshop at a youth camp and OMG I HAVE TO ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH THIS MONTH.
4. Visit one new local establishment, restaurant, shop, museum. Yes! My husband and I went to THREE new (to me) restaurants this month (801 Chophouse, Splash, and Aposto), and I met with friends at four new places (Gong Fu Tea, The Hall, The Wine Experience, and Z Mariks). I really took advantage of Spring Break. In April, I would like to do more than restaurant or drinking establishments.
5. Start a reflection journal for school. Ugh, I still haven’t started this. It’s now spring semester and will I ever? I need to explore more why I initially set this intention and haven’t been able to follow through. More to come on that reflection.
6. Publish a new One Word Project post. Yes! Read my latest post.
As I previously mentioned, spring quarter is in full swing. I am taking five classes – including starting my coursework for my corresponding Entrepreneurship Certificate. I’m excited about all my classes right now and I am also realistic that this workload doesn’t offer much “free” time to focus on other areas. And also, see #3 above where I have to create and implement a youth workshop. *gulp*
In any event, here is what I put together for April:
1. I am already doing a daily meditation – in fact, I am currently on a 54-day streak! That said, many of those times have been a OMG I’M IN BED AND I FORGOT TO DO MY MEDITATION. So I play the guided sleep meditation. Meditation is meditation (and this session in particular, while only a few minutes helps me sleep like a freaking baby)… BUT. I want to make it more of an intentional practice rather than another “thing to do” on my bedtime task list. So my goal is to at least 3x per week to do my meditation in the morning or afternoon for at least 10 minutes.
2. I want to visit the Des Moines Art Center, or a different gallery or see a new exhibition at least once this month.
3. Create and execute a (somewhat flawless) one-hour workshop!
4. I started making a Des Moines coffee shop list. There are SO MANY that I haven’t yet been. I’m already driving into downtown twice a week for physical therapy, so at least once a week, I’m going to hit one of those on my list.
5. Get my bike into Rasmussen for a season tune-up. I have a Women on Adventures event planned for the end of April, for which I’ll need my bike!
This sounds like a good place to start! What’s on your goal list for April?
Subtitled: That time I talked to my Dead Nana — or: How not to make a race playlist.
This post is a long time coming. I ran the GOATz 50k trail run in October 2017 (GOATz = Greater Omaha Area Trail runnerZ) and I still have a strong emotional reaction to my memories of the race. I guess if we’re going for spoiler alerts (ha, TOO LATE if you follow me on Instagram or are one of my running friends), I finished. I also completed it in an hour-and-a-half longer than I estimated. So there’s that. Since it was my first ultramarathon I wasn’t sure what to expect (suffice to say is to expect nothing and everything), but I thought I was better trained to at least finish a marathon distance before I hit the struggle bus.
Flat Mel ready for her 1st ultra!
No. No, that is not at all what happened. Completing two loops was itself a feat – AND I STILL HAD ONE MORE TO GO. So, I continued. But let’s back up…
Am I ready for this, really?
Lots of open sun and beautiful skies, which you will see as a common backdrop to the pictures. The morning started off chilly, which called for arm sleeves worn with my short-sleeve short. (I wore shorts and my LEGEND compression socks on the bottom and my Under Armour trail shoes). I didn’t get too warm until the 3rd loop.
Is it a bad omen for a race that not even a mile into it that WE MISSED OUR TURN. I understand shit happens on race day and we’re ultimately responsible for knowing the course, but a Volunteer standing at that intersection clapped and cheered as we passed by where she was supposed to direct us up the hill. I mistakingly followed the herd until reaching a clearing where everyone was stopped trying to figure out where we went next. We retraced our steps back to where we missed the turn. Nobody who is already running 30 miles needs to run EVEN MORE. So I was already a little irritated early on not knowing how far off course we went. (I ended up logging 31.37 miles for this 50k per my Garmin, so overall not really that far off.)
Physically, I held up for the race and was mostly fatigued. But by the 3rd loop my calf was cramping (can’t remember which one now), then I was getting a Charlie horse in my arch (left side). I was feeling a lot of discomfort in my hip area and top of thighs — it wasn’t pain; it kind of felt like menstrual cramps but definitely not where my uterus is. Sooooo, cramping I guess? Needless to say, I was barely running on the 3rd loop – it was more like a death shuffle.
There were moments were I got a “second wind” (and a third, fourth, etc…. so many winds). Around mile 17, Kaci Lickteig looped me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ — though it was a boost to my spirit! She’s so dang stealthy, and I was listening to my music at the time, but it’s like I could FEEL her coming up behind me. And just as quickly as I could pay myself a deprecating compliment in her honor, she cheered me on and was gone.
I was having difficulty eating during this race and my usual fueling wasn’t working. This was something that I feared and probably something I should have practice more in hindsight. What worked for me on the marathon distance did not for this race. I couldn’t eat anything at the end of that 2nd loop — I tried pickles with salt and pickle juice at the aid stations; then I swapped to Tailwind in my hydration flask just for the calories (no stomach upset, thankfully; just couldn’t… chew). At the mid-loop aid station, around Mile 25, I finally had some jelly beans and felt little better. I dreamed about sitting down for majority of that second lap. And sit I did when I reached that aid station. For at least 5 minutes. And then I continued on. But not without considering drowning myself in swimming across Lake Cunningham. There was one aid station on the course and then the usual stock of snacks and drank at the start/end of each loop. I think it was manned by volunteers from Runner’s Church (?), if I recall correctly, and those ladies were the best at keeping the mood cheery and the food filled. Before their stop, there was a single kybo – which I had to use on my 1st loop (so random; I almost never have to use the toilets during a race). The background ambiance was set by vuvuzela noises. I liked the variety of food options since I was having trouble eating and wasn’t sure what I could eat as the race progressed.
I remember being super annoyed with my hydration vest (I ran in my Orange Mud Phone.Flask.Vest) and by the 3rd loop, it was basically just flopping off of me, hanging on by my shoulders. I no longer liked the compression on my chest and the side straps were aggravating me. I would definitely run in a different vest for my next trail or ultra race.
Another mistake that I made during this race was to leave my music playlist up for chance. I shuffled ALL MUSIC and was initially pleased at the variety (singing out loud and having fun like I usually do). And then Mary J. Blige came on, and I started crying a bit. The next song? “Fix You” by Coldplay. I fucking lost it. I was a crying sobbing MESS.
I mean, seriously guys, these lyrics:
When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
‘Cause you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
What could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
But high up above or down below
When you are too in love to let it show
Oh but if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
oh and tears come streaming down your face
And I
Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
oh and the tears streaming down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
“If you never try you’ll never know just what you’re worth”
Inspiring, no. No no no no this is not what you should be hearing while you are attempting to do one of the hardest things in your life which is so obviously tied to your worth and identity. *sobs again*
If I were to pick a place to die on the course, it would be here.
And then because I was sad, I started thinking about all the other things that made me sad. This routed my thoughts somehow to my grandmother who passed away a few years ago and I guess I was kind of talking to her about my race and how I was feeling and how I missed her and OMG THIS WAS SO HARD. So very, very hard. One could say that I still had some open wound that I healed during that race.
From talking to some of my ultra-running friends, these variations in mood come with the terrority – particularly when it’s your first and you are so fatigued you just don’t know what to do or feel.
My solution at the time? Get angry. Yin-yang. And then there was that time that I thought this couple out walking the course (non-runners) were there to kidnap me and I went into a really weird flight-or-fight response.
So then I started fantasizing about punching Deadpool. This might sound a little weird, but there was a volunteer actually dressed as Deadpool and I knew where he would be sitting on my last loop, so I started hashing a plan to beat him up when I passed. Totally normal. Until he wasn’t there and I was filled with the most unholy of run rage that I have ever experienced. I think it was another 3 miles (?) of running so mad that I wanted to throw gravel rocks.
THE RAGE.
All that said, Lake Cunningham is a beautiful place to run around (maybe a bit too open sun for this sort of distance though). The weather was amazing, and there were small sailboats on the water, which was neat. My favorite part was what I called the Magical Christmas Trees section of the trail – it was so pretty and peaceful! There were plenty of hills to run on this course, many of which I walked, but none so crazy as running over at Hitchcock.
And I shit you not, as I was approaching the finish line, Bob-fucking-Seger was playing. My favorite song at that: Roll Me Away. I could not believe it (and I’m pretty sure I yelled-asked someone near the finish line if it was really playing because it wouldn’t be the first time that day that I was hallucinating). Naturally, I started scream-singing as the race director placed that finishers medal around my neck.
OMG THEY’RE PLAYING BOB SEGER!
My friends all talked me into signing up for this race because: a) the GOATz put on awesome races (figured this out early on with my Hitchcock experience) and b) this was a beginner-friendly course. The GOATz community knows how to party! And their race support and pre-race communication was top-notch. Love the GOATz. For this race, finishers get an awesome medal carved from wood, a race branded drop bag and a super cozy long-sleeved hoodie (bag and hoodie not pictured). The bag came in handy at the loop start/end point, but many racers also used the same bag so it’s important to distinguish your bag in some way from the others. I liked the convenience of being able to grab or stow something in my bag when I came in to finish a loop.
Besides having enough energy to sing at the finish, I was pretty depleted energy-wise. I was kind of limping back to the car (thankfully, the husband was driving the hour-and-a-half trek home) — my feet and hips HURT when I was done. Also, my two big toenails had this weird yellowy bloody viscous liquid covering them as I took off my socks, but no visible cuts or active bleeding, and I never had any bruised toenails. Weird. By the time I got home, I had to crawl upstairs to the shower (where I sat on my shower bench lol). I took PTO the day following the race (thank Baby Jesus that was a good choice) and used the elevators at work when I returned a day later. Three days after the race I was back to climbing four flights to my office. I was pleased at my recovery, and I was fine by Saturday to run a 10k trail race. When I said this was my 1st ultra experience and despite some of my low points and frustration with how I performed, I’m definitely training for another (planning on Doggone Tired 50k in October, pending my Achilles recovery continues to improve).
Registration is already open for the GOATz Trail Runs occurring on October 21, 2018 — there are 5m, 10.5m, 21m, and 50k options for this particular race series.
