Sunday Lately: Dwelling, Helping, Forgetting, Switching, Relying

I do my own regular “thinking” recaps in my Weekly Therapy posts, so this Blogger, May I? post was a nice change of pace for today. Although, given I JUST RAN A HALF MARATHON (and finished a two-page paper for school soon after), my brain struggled through this a bit. But I like how the prompts can be reflective of different meanings, depending on the blogger.

Dwelling
It’s been six months since contractors wrecked my life in order to fix my house. They finally came back this week to touch up some “mistakes” and fix other issues — including changing the light in my entryway (which they ruined during the renovations).

The new light is beautiful!
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Helping
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’d like to give back, since volunteering was something that had to take a backseat with school and work full-time and my full training schedule. I’ve been inspired by Project R.U.N., Kids of Steel, and Girls on the Run programs, and I hope that I can soon find my place to help make an impact about healthy lifestyle choices with kids in my community.

Forgetting
I’ve been consumed so much by this race that I keep forgetting that my birthday is next weekend (it’s also finals week, blech).

Switching
Time to switch gears: IT’S BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Relying
Relying on my group members this week to get me through this last week of projects and presentations! Have I mentioned how much I’m looking forward to Spring Break next week?

Flying Friends & Five Favorites

I’m participating in a month-long series of posts for Blogger, May I. Today’s prompt is: Five Favorites

I mentioned in a previous post about my fundraising efforts for the National Aviary during my half marathon training. Today’s post is about THE BIRDS that make the Aviary one of my favorites places in Pittsburgh, focusing on my five cute little (and sometimes big) guys that keep me coming back. I stopped in today after the 5K to pay my feathered friends a visit — and tell them all about the goodies coming their way as result of my donations. *wink, wink*

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1. Bubba is a Palm Cockatoo located (most days) in the Tropical Rainforest exhibit. Many former visitors may remember him when he was in the atrium area. Unfortunately, he wasn’t visible today on my visit, but I got SO EXCITED when he returned my “Bubba, hi!” call from his holding area. He endured through many of my long shifts at the Aviary when I had no one else to talk to, so he’s my favorite-favorite.

2. Crested Wood Partridges, much like Bubba, brought me a lot of joy when I was working at the Aviary. I mean, how can you not smile at that cute little red Mohawk and their little round bodies?

3. Franklin, the Spectacled Owl, is not an exhibit bird, but you can get lucky and see him on occasion being walked through the halls during open hours. He’s probably my favorite bird to get a selfie with — and I lucked out seeing him today with a trainer, who let me take a selfie recap.

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4. Aleutia, one of the Steller’s Sea Eagles, and I love to have staring contests. Or, I love to stare and admire her, while she conspires up ways that she can have me for dinner. Either way, she’s a magnificent bird to see up close — and the Aviary has two of these eagles!

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5. The Aviary has private encounters that are an AMAZING way to get up-close-and-personal (or, “nose to beak”) to a bird. You can make reservations to meet a penguin, a bird of prey, or even go down to the beach and hang out with the flamingos. For my birthday last year, I treated myself to a bird of prey encounter and the trainer selected a Lanner Falcon for my half hour exerience. And, well, the picture speaks for itself how incredible the experience is and how the falcons moved up my list of favorites.

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If you haven’t been, you really should make a visit — it’s a somewhat-small place, so you don’t need an entire day to see everything (a couple hours to walk through the open exhibit areas, and see a live bird show or feeding is highly recommended for the whole experience!). And THANK YOU to those who have already donated — and many thanks in advance to YOU if you make a donation before tomorrow.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t include a bonus picture of the Roadrunner (Aviary just recently added two of these guys into their Cloud Forest exhibit):

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Blogger, May I: An Introduction

If you’re a new-ish reader, HI! I started 30-something Therapy in 2011 when I retired (and happily deleted!) a ten-year old blog. I’m playing along with blogger Angelica from Gardening in High Heels in the Blogger, May I? month of blogging.

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So if you are new here, I’m Mel from Pittsburgh. I moved here five years ago from Cleveland. Obviously, I’m a 30-something (hence the title, which I’ll get into in another post prompt this month). I blog about health and wellness mostly, with a new-found love of running. I played roller derby for four-point-five years and retired this past September because of a new job, finishing my last year in school and, frankly, burnout.

More about me (and what I blog about): I drink coffee every day. I’m gluten-free and nightshade-free. I have a serious crush on maple syrup (and a little trouble in the sweet tooth area). I hope to read 52 books this year. I read mostly non-fiction (and a lot of school textbooks). I run, I do CrossFit, I practice yoga… I’m learning how to meditate. I’d like to get back into spinning. I listen to podcasts. I walk to work. I work for a non-profit. I go to school full-time. Three rescue cats lovingly found their way into my home. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. And we have a really old rowhouse. I love camping. I don’t mind winter! I really just like being outside and being active. And I’m a sucker for a good traveling adventure.

That's me. Walking to work. Listening to podcast. Loving winter!
That’s me. Walking to work. Listening to podcast. Loving winter!

Tell me about YOU in the comments!

{guest post} A 30-something Landing Among The Stars

Today’s guest post comes from somebody who I spent an entire blog-cation with in Cleveland last summer OMG THAT WAS ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO?! Anyways, I’m a huge fan of her blog: The Steel Trap, and naturally, I was excited to see that she was assigned to guest post for this April 1 annual blog swap. I’m over at PGH Happy Hour today, with my review of this week’s awesome fun from Arts & Drafts.

I’m thirty-five. I have two failed marriages, a career that doesn’t pay me nearly enough, and no human children. That’s right. I shot for the moon, and I missed in three major “grown-up” areas. To many people, I am a failure; and even sometimes to me, I am a failure.

I wanted this post to be something poignant and witty about how life in the thirties is so damn grand. But to tell you the truth, it is tough. My experience in the thirties is literally like being alone on the front seat of Disney’s Space Mountain, flying through “space” in the dark unknown territory and trying to stifle screams; it seems somewhat familiar because you know you are somewhere at Disney World, but every movement seems alarmingly uncharted as well.

When my first divorce occurred at twenty-eight, I bounced back relatively quickly because I felt as if I still had time. My second divorce is occurring now, and I feel as if I might never truly bounce back because I do not have the time. That’s where the notion of failure comes into play because I admittedly had a hand in not one, but two divorces; I work additional jobs because my career doesn’t pay my nearly enough money to afford my college loans that I accrued to get said career; and I have a small ache wondering what kind of mother I could have been, because no matter how much I love my dog, and no matter how much he contributes to my daily contentment, he is not my actual child. Who wants to go down like this?

And so I have to remind myself that just because I didn’t land on the metaphorical moon to which I so hopefully shot myself with the best of intentions, it’s going to be okay eventually. Y’all have heard that quote, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”? Well, the little things in life have become my “stars.” Thus, here is a list of the top ten “stars” in my life, the things that make being thirty-five and in my situation more bearable:

1. Castro Mojito, my soon-to-be three-year-old dog and the best sidekick I could ever have. No one could ever love a dog as much as I love him. On the days when I feel like I cannot possibly continue with my routine and my stress overwhelms me, there he is… happy, overjoyed to see me, and ready to just let me hold him until the moment passes or until I fall asleep.

2. My family and friends. As cliché as it seems, my they are of paramount importance to my well-being. They are an interesting bunch of hilarious personalities, representative of Uniontown, Pittsburgh, and a dozen states; thus, some of our gatherings are not as frequent as I would prefer. Our memories are more treasured because we value them so much across the miles, and thank goodness for texting, social media, FaceTime and the U.S. Postal Service because we are able to stay connected. With my family, sometimes it’s a midday group text about something Disney; a package in the mail with something nostalgic; or a FaceTime about who is enjoying some of our most favorite treasured family recipes. With my friends, sometimes it’s a midday group text about one of our exes showing up on Tinder without a shirt on in his profile picture; a sleepover reminiscent of our younger days; or simply sharing in the weddings and births and doctorates and any other milestones that we reach.

3. [Some of] my coworkers. There are a dozen or so people from the span of my career that truly know me and know just how to pick me up when I am down. These people are invaluable as I spend close to sixty hours a week at work; they can catch my eye or watch my body language and know that I am totally “not myself.” Sometimes it’s a gift in my mailbox; spotting me in Jeans Day because I forget to get cash; or calming me down when I am feeling anxious about everything. Regardless of the gesture, they are quite invaluable.

4. Living close to my workplace. I spent eighteen months doing a twenty-five mile commute through two tunnels. When I say that it sucked the soul out of me like a Dementor, I am making an understatement; so being close to work has eased my daily stress immeasurably. It also is pretty convenient on days when I bend over and tear the crotch of my favorite jeans and have to run home to put on a new pair before anyone sees me. Sidenote: RIP to my favorite jeans… ten years old, perfectly worn in, reliable and trustworthy.

5. My health. Despite my aches and pains from being thirty-five, I value being able to go to the gym or go run stadium stairs with little to no difficulty (other than fatigue). I love that I am able to see everything clearly (with my contacts of course) and hear music every single day.

6. Sugar Free Red Bull. Little Debbie snacks. Ramen noodles. Slice and bake cookies. Red gummy candy. Rice Krispie Treats cereal. Late night McDonald’s. Yup. I know that these are all totally bad for me and might contain more sodium than the Dead Sea. But there are days when all it takes is a bite of junk and I have a smile on my face.

7. Surprises. I am rarely surprised but when they do happen, it’s as close to blissful as I can feel anymore.

8. Brunch. Who knew that this meal would become one of the most enjoyable parts of my week? Not the twentysomething version of me that’s for sure. Bloody Mary bars, bacon galore, and the company of good people? That’s contentment.

9. Television! Shows on the small screen weren’t nearly this great in my twenties. At the end of a particularly trying day, knowing that I can go to my DVR and find something wonderful (General Hospital, Grey’s, Scandal, Revenge, How to Get Away With Murder, Empire, Jimmy Fallon, reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210, etc.) to watch is certainly one of the best little things in life.

10. Lastly, my blog The Steel Trap. No, this isn’t a shameless plug of my online labor of love. It is one of my primary creative outlet, and it has afforded me countless opportunities to meet new friends, travel, and enjoy Pittsburgh from a different perspective.

Say Hello, 30-somethings: Get seriously friendly on your next date

Some of us 30-somethings and single-somethings are looking for love and need some advice on how to break the ice. Are you getting back into the dating game this Fall and need some encouragement?

This post is for you!

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Mexican food dinner date? HELLO.

Say “hello” to hello oral care products! I (seriously) love the product designs (designed by BMW DesignworksUSA, by the way), and the purse-friendly breath spray is perfect for pre-date prep. It also locks closed, which is a sweet feature. Every time I pull this guy out of my bag, people ask about it. Talk about ice breakers!

Ice breaker sounds SO much better than a pick-up line — which, I’m adamantly against using and listening to. Aren’t cheesy pick-up lines the worst?! And they’re almost never sincere. Saying a simple “hello” is much more genuine. The worst: “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Followed by: “Are your feet tired?” Please tell me that people still don’t use that.

I questioned a few friends on their favorite pick-up lines they’ve used — or heard someone else use.

  • My friend Brian gave his worst: “Do you have any {insert ethnicity here} in you? Do you want some?” UGH.
  • My friend J, who works in a seasonal Halloween attraction, regularly gets: “You’re too hot to be a zombie.” Hilarious. Reminds me of the overused “You’re too pretty to be single”-variety of pickup line.
  • The boyfriend used the line: “It’s like I need a GPS to find you” early on in our relationship. I’m still not really sure what the drunken comment implied.
  • My friend Ericka agreed with me on the WORST of all pick-up lines (see above), but added: “Is this seat taken?” as a terrible way to approach someone sitting alone.

Just. Say. Hello.

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Containing no alcohol (save the actual mojito for the date!), these naturally-friendly oral care products and hello toothpaste are easy on the eyes and the mouth. Even better, all hello products are made in the USA and NEVER tested on animals. Delicious flavors of hello mouthwash, toothpaste and breath spray include: sweet cinnamint, pink grapefruit mint, supermint and (my favorite) mojito mint.

Locally, you can buy hello products at Walgreens, CVS and Target stores.

hello mojito mint mouthwash

“Like” Hello on Facebook and check out the full line of hello products to prepare for your next big date!

How do you start a conversation with someone you’re interested in?

Disclaimer: this post is sponsored by hello; see my disclosure policy page for more info.

World Mental Health Day: aging & mental illness

mental-health-day-blogToday is World Mental Health Day, and as a community we’re focusing on mental illnesses and the elderly. It’s something that might not affect us now in our 30s, or even something we want to think about, but definitely something that we should be conscious of — in both our personal struggles and taking care of our aging family members.

From the Dallas Morning News, Pamela Yip lays out the worldwide problem:

By 2050, people over the age of 60 will outnumber children under the age of 15 for the first time in history.

The index compiles data from the U.N., World Health Organization, World Bank and other global agencies. It analyzes income, health, education, employment and age-friendly environments in each country.

The report ranks the social and economic well-being of elders in 91 countries, with Sweden coming out on top and Afghanistan at the bottom.

The U.S. ranked eighth.

This is a huge wake-up call for all of us to find new ways to support and sustain the bulging population of seniors that will be among us.

Thanks to modern medicine, we’re living longer. And while mental illnesses are treatable, most of the worldwide health care systems are not prepared for this population of aging seniors — especially in the U.S. Up to 5.3 million Americans currently have Alzheimer’s disease, and by 2050 the number is expected to more than double. Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States and is the fifth leading cause among persons age 65 and older.

The Carter Center has worked for decades in tackling the challenges in our mental health care system. “Mental illness affects all of us, but there are still many myths and misconceptions about these disorders,” said former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who founded the Carter Center’s Mental Health Program in 1991.

Seniors are coping with a number of major life changes: retirement, financial burdens, loss of health or mobility, loss of social support and death of loved ones. Older adults also can experience hallucinations and paranoia, but their symptoms are masked by other ailments — most often, dementia. The isolation, anxiety and depression that are caused by these changes are often endured for long periods of time. Undiagnosed, the elderly endure a significant and long struggle — and delayed treatment.

As some of you know, I dealt with the loss of my grandmother this year. She struggled with the onset of Alzheimer’s for several years before seeking treatment (at the urging of family members). Alzheimer’s doubles for every five years of age after 60, and by the time someone reaches 85, the chance of developing this condition is 50-50. While my grandmother was eventually receiving treatment, she sustained irreversible damage. The approved treatments for Alzheimer’s are designed to enhance the communication between nerve cells. In some individuals, this will lessen the symptoms; however, these treatments will not prevent the progression of the disease.

From the CDC, which recognizes dementia and Alzheimer’s disease as a mental illness:

Dementia is an umbrella term for a group of cognitive disorders typically characterized by memory impairment, as well as marked difficulty in the domains of language, motor activity, object recognition, and disturbance of executive function – the ability to plan, organize, and abstract. Generally speaking, dementia is an illness of older adults, which suggests that as successive cohorts of our population live longer, the urgency to better address dementia increases. Medications addressing pathologies in neurotransmission underlying dementia have been used with modest – and generally short-term — success in forestalling the usual progression of these disorders.

Sadly, there is no cure for the genetic disease. But there are means to diagnose and treat elderly patients who are experiencing depressive symptoms that often mimic those of dementia. Likewise, there are a few studies that suggest certain behaviors might lessen the risk of developing the disease: increase in physical activity, maintaining social engagement and participating in intellectually-stimulating events.

As a community, we need to take this information to heart, when acknowledging our aging family members — seeking help or providing assistance for the elderly that may be dealing with mental illness.

World Mental Health Day is promoted by the World Health Organization to help raise awareness about mental health issues. The day promotes open discussion of mental disorders, and what the world’s governments and health organizations are doing in prevention, promotion and treatment services.

The Psychology of Insecurity: Where Does Self-hatred Come From?

When you think of insecurity, you probably imagine all kinds of things, from shy men and women who have trouble talking to the opposite sex to bullies who need to harass kids on the playground to feel better about themselves. Insecurity is a blanket definition for many problems in human behavior, and that makes sense because there are so many different types. Relationship insecurities, emotional insecurities, financial and job insecurities, physical insecurities – the list goes on. According to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, one out of every 100 people now suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which means they develop an obsessive fixation on a small or imagined physical flaw. Nearly 80 percent of those suffering from this common mental health problem are suicidal for most of their lives. How does the human brain end up this way?

Are People Born Insecure?

The overwhelming answer is no. Nobody is born with a gene for self-hatred – it’s an environmental and cultural development that comes from your place in society and your experiences. But people are born with various different temperaments, and some of those temperaments may make them more vulnerable to insecurity than others. How insecure a person may be is not dependent on how they look or how wide their social circle is. Some people are naturally more reactive than others and absorb negative emotions at a higher rate. It’s easy to see this in the frontal lobe activity of children younger than five. It’s a myth, however, to think a tendency towards introversion equals insecurity. Someone can be born with a temperament that makes social interaction harder or less appealing, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like themselves.

The Impact of Parenting

The experiences men and women have in childhood shape the kind of adults they become, and it’s true that a large number of chronically insecure people were raised in abusive households where they were taught to think negative things about themselves from an early age. But not all abuse is so direct. You can feel insecure simply because your parents worked too much as a kid or had to divide their time among too many siblings. A child’s early identity formation is crucial, and if no one is around to teach them they are valuable, special, and loved, they can have a hard time feeling it later on. The same goes for children who are interested in vastly different things than their parents or may feel less attractive than their other family members. From an early age, you will latch on to a sense that your mother and father are disappointed in you.

Causes in Adults

Even if you never experienced self-hatred as a child, many adults find themselves in life situations where insecurity, depression, and suicidal thoughts can emerge. Most of these problems come from how people view their place in society and the comparisons with others everyone is prone to making. If you have less money and success than your peers, or if you are overweight or aging, you may lose the things you have been basing your self-worth on. Psychologists say it’s important for people to not only value themselves, but to value themselves for unique qualities. Therapy for insecure behavior is often centered around discovering your one-of-a-kind mark on the world as opposed to constantly comparing yourself to those around you. Insecurity in relationships is another huge pitfall for adults. Bad experiences can lead to neurotic or self-destructive behavior because you are basing your worth on another person’s opinion or love.

It’s difficult to pinpoint one underlying cause of insecurity. It can start in childhood or it can develop over time. It can cripple you mentally and emotionally, or it can simply make it hard to ask the girl at the bar for her number. But what really matters is that virtually everyone is insecure in one way or another. When you’re working to overcome to absorption of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself, remember that almost everyone you know has gone through the same battle.

Part-time counselor Brett Harris is an active supporter in his son’s school program against bullying. Check out the top 10 online masters in psychology degree programs http://www.bestpsychologydegrees.org/top-online-masters-in-psychology/that will help you launch a career as a school counselor.

A 30-something in Cleveland: Positively Awesome Road Trip

Go ahead, get your Cleveland vs. Pittsburgh hangups out of the way. I’ll wait…

Like Pittsburgh, Cleveland can get a bad rap sometimes. But they are both two beautiful (former) Rust Belt cities that are often misunderstood. And seriously underrated. I was thrilled to be invited by the Convention & Visitors Bureau of Cleveland to a special bloggers-only excursion. The itinerary for our three-day stay was suggested and decided by fans of Positively Cleveland on social media. Along with two bloggers from Cincinnati (Adventure Mom and The Food Hussy!) another fellow Pittsburgher (The Steel Trap and a breakfast blogger from Columbus (Breakfast With Nick) we got a look, taste and feel of the locals’ favorites.

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LODGING: we stayed at the newly-remodeled Holiday Inn Express downtown — and this hotel is BEAUTIFUL. The room itself was very large — furnished with a super-comfy king bed, chair-and-ottoman, desk and bar area; I was in a corner suite that had high ceilings, wood floors (*swoon*) and a window facing Euclid Avenue. Did I mention it’s in a perfect location? The bed had those stupid square pillows that I hate, but THANK THE CLEVELAND GODS there were two firm (labeled, even; nice!). My bathroom was also big, clean — and contained a shower (no tub). The hotel also serves breakfast at 7am every day (I didn’t have the opportunity to check it out). I can’t begin to tell you how friendly the staff was upon my arrival too.

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When I checked in, I had a welcome package reserved for me too; a messenger bag filled with Cleveland-centric items: coffee mug, coozie, bag of Campbell’s Dichotomy popcorn and a Lilly’s Chocolate bar. What a nice touch!

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FOOD: Besides my hotel snacks, you might have heard that Cleveland is an epic foodie city, with local celebrity chefs a-plenty (um, Michael Symon, Jonathan Saywer, Zach Bruell, Chris Hodges to name a few). Not to mention, there are entire DISTRICTS devoted to the food scene.

ADVENTURE/LEISURE: Cleveland borders Lake Erie and is home to a park system of epic size. If the outdoors doesn’t appeal to you, there’s a block of theaters or a neighborhood filled with several world class museums — most of which are centered around University Circle; you’ll find the Cleveland Museum of Art, MOCA, Western Reserve Historical Society here. I love a city that appeals to the adventurous and outdoorsy and cultured traveler all alike.

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NEIGHBORHOODS: Similar to Pittsburgh (maybe on a bit smaller scale), Cleveland is divided into neighborhoods — Ohio City, Detroit Shoreway, Tremont, Gordon Square, Uptown, etc. Each has its own character and highlights (many anchored by one of those aforementioned amazing restaurants), and unique entertainment, culture and shopping options.

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OVERALL: We were positively EXHAUSTED (but well traveled!) by the end of the long weekend. There were definitely a few places that I wish I could have spent more time exploring (MOCA, one of several highlights of the trip for me), and there are only so many meals in one day for so many amazing restaurants. At only a two-hour trip from the ‘Burgh, this certainly won’t be my last trip to Cleveland.

THERAPY: I made some new blogger friends!
And hey, sometimes you just can’t beat a bed to yourself.

Stay tuned for all the details on the fun!

Disclosure: Positively Cleveland provided accommodations, meals and admission for my participation in this socially-driven trip. All opinions herein are my own. Thanks to April & Corinne at Positively Cleveland for the group pics too!