guest post

{guest post} A 30-something Landing Among The Stars

- Mel

Today’s guest post comes from somebody who I spent an entire blog-cation with in Cleveland last summer OMG THAT WAS ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO?! Anyways, I’m a huge fan of her blog: The Steel Trap, and naturally, I was excited to see that she was assigned to guest post for this April 1 annual blog swap. I’m over at PGH Happy Hour today, with my review of this week’s awesome fun from Arts & Drafts.

I’m thirty-five. I have two failed marriages, a career that doesn’t pay me nearly enough, and no human children. That’s right. I shot for the moon, and I missed in three major “grown-up” areas. To many people, I am a failure; and even sometimes to me, I am a failure.

I wanted this post to be something poignant and witty about how life in the thirties is so damn grand. But to tell you the truth, it is tough. My experience in the thirties is literally like being alone on the front seat of Disney’s Space Mountain, flying through “space” in the dark unknown territory and trying to stifle screams; it seems somewhat familiar because you know you are somewhere at Disney World, but every movement seems alarmingly uncharted as well.

When my first divorce occurred at twenty-eight, I bounced back relatively quickly because I felt as if I still had time. My second divorce is occurring now, and I feel as if I might never truly bounce back because I do not have the time. That’s where the notion of failure comes into play because I admittedly had a hand in not one, but two divorces; I work additional jobs because my career doesn’t pay my nearly enough money to afford my college loans that I accrued to get said career; and I have a small ache wondering what kind of mother I could have been, because no matter how much I love my dog, and no matter how much he contributes to my daily contentment, he is not my actual child. Who wants to go down like this?

And so I have to remind myself that just because I didn’t land on the metaphorical moon to which I so hopefully shot myself with the best of intentions, it’s going to be okay eventually. Y’all have heard that quote, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”? Well, the little things in life have become my “stars.” Thus, here is a list of the top ten “stars” in my life, the things that make being thirty-five and in my situation more bearable:

1. Castro Mojito, my soon-to-be three-year-old dog and the best sidekick I could ever have. No one could ever love a dog as much as I love him. On the days when I feel like I cannot possibly continue with my routine and my stress overwhelms me, there he is… happy, overjoyed to see me, and ready to just let me hold him until the moment passes or until I fall asleep.

2. My family and friends. As cliché as it seems, my they are of paramount importance to my well-being. They are an interesting bunch of hilarious personalities, representative of Uniontown, Pittsburgh, and a dozen states; thus, some of our gatherings are not as frequent as I would prefer. Our memories are more treasured because we value them so much across the miles, and thank goodness for texting, social media, FaceTime and the U.S. Postal Service because we are able to stay connected. With my family, sometimes it’s a midday group text about something Disney; a package in the mail with something nostalgic; or a FaceTime about who is enjoying some of our most favorite treasured family recipes. With my friends, sometimes it’s a midday group text about one of our exes showing up on Tinder without a shirt on in his profile picture; a sleepover reminiscent of our younger days; or simply sharing in the weddings and births and doctorates and any other milestones that we reach.

3. [Some of] my coworkers. There are a dozen or so people from the span of my career that truly know me and know just how to pick me up when I am down. These people are invaluable as I spend close to sixty hours a week at work; they can catch my eye or watch my body language and know that I am totally “not myself.” Sometimes it’s a gift in my mailbox; spotting me in Jeans Day because I forget to get cash; or calming me down when I am feeling anxious about everything. Regardless of the gesture, they are quite invaluable.

4. Living close to my workplace. I spent eighteen months doing a twenty-five mile commute through two tunnels. When I say that it sucked the soul out of me like a Dementor, I am making an understatement; so being close to work has eased my daily stress immeasurably. It also is pretty convenient on days when I bend over and tear the crotch of my favorite jeans and have to run home to put on a new pair before anyone sees me. Sidenote: RIP to my favorite jeans… ten years old, perfectly worn in, reliable and trustworthy.

5. My health. Despite my aches and pains from being thirty-five, I value being able to go to the gym or go run stadium stairs with little to no difficulty (other than fatigue). I love that I am able to see everything clearly (with my contacts of course) and hear music every single day.

6. Sugar Free Red Bull. Little Debbie snacks. Ramen noodles. Slice and bake cookies. Red gummy candy. Rice Krispie Treats cereal. Late night McDonald’s. Yup. I know that these are all totally bad for me and might contain more sodium than the Dead Sea. But there are days when all it takes is a bite of junk and I have a smile on my face.

7. Surprises. I am rarely surprised but when they do happen, it’s as close to blissful as I can feel anymore.

8. Brunch. Who knew that this meal would become one of the most enjoyable parts of my week? Not the twentysomething version of me that’s for sure. Bloody Mary bars, bacon galore, and the company of good people? That’s contentment.

9. Television! Shows on the small screen weren’t nearly this great in my twenties. At the end of a particularly trying day, knowing that I can go to my DVR and find something wonderful (General Hospital, Grey’s, Scandal, Revenge, How to Get Away With Murder, Empire, Jimmy Fallon, reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210, etc.) to watch is certainly one of the best little things in life.

10. Lastly, my blog The Steel Trap. No, this isn’t a shameless plug of my online labor of love. It is one of my primary creative outlet, and it has afforded me countless opportunities to meet new friends, travel, and enjoy Pittsburgh from a different perspective.

Group Therapy: A Taste of Therapy

- Mel

Identity. I talked about that in Monday’s post. Cook or chef or baker (even though I like to bake!) — none of these are in my list of personal identifiers. I manage OK when I’m on my own. I mean, I didn’t STARVE TO DEATH when I was single and lonely in my one-bedroom condo. But I’m happily benefiting from a boyfriend who LOVES to cook — it’s his creative release from a long day at work. Cooking for me? ADDS stress.

Ironic… it’s totally A.D.D. stress too.

Completely changing topics (but we’ll pull this all together, I promise)… you know how sometimes you feel as though you were just MEANT to meet somebody — be it a friend, networking contact or romantic partner? This is how I feel about the person that I’m introducing in my guest post below. We met online, as many in this digital age are ought to do; and I just knew we had to work together. She’s breaking the traditional mold of old-school therapy by applying the guiding practices in a creative way. Who she is, is the exact type of therapist that I intend to be: an adventurer.

Although… maybe without all that cooking.

Introducing Allison of A Taste of Therapy

Who am I?
Hi! My name is Allison Carver, I’m in my 30s and I am Licensed Professional Counselor from Richmond, Virginia. I own a business called A Taste of Therapy that takes a creative and unique spin on plain, old, boring therapy. I use cooking therapy! This is my true passion in life and I love it! I combine cooking classes with therapy to help others grow! When I opened in 2010 there was an unfilled demand for a creative and new alternative to traditional outpatient therapy in Richmond. Therefore I created a new type of therapy! I am professionally trained in both mental health therapy and culinary arts.

What is Cooking Therapy?
I believe that the process of cooking is therapeutic. Just as an Art Therapist uses the process of painting as therapy, I use cooking as a way to manage life’s stresses.

How did I come up with this idea?
I’ve always loved to cook and used it as my own personal outlet for years! Time and time again, I would find myself taking my own problems to the kitchen and working it out through cooking. One day it occurred to me that others would benefit from this. I began to incorporate these cooking techniques into my therapy practice! I soon discovered that cooking helped my clients more than I ever expected. Right then and there I knew this was a good idea.

Why it works?
Cooking is a relaxing process that you helps you unwind when you are feeling troubled. I find that when client’s keep their hands busy cooking, they are more likely to open up and discover what’s really troubling them. When you begin to use cooking as therapy you will relax, have fun, and learn how to manage life’s challenges through cooking! My classes teach specific skills about how to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, and anger. My classes will teach you how chopping, slicing, and kneading dough will help you feel better.

How do my workshops work?
When you sign up for a workshop you will get three separate sessions (an appetizer, entrée, and dessert session) of therapy and cooking. Each week you will discuss the appropriate therapy topics and then cook food. Workshops topics include: anger management, parenting issues, poor communication, anxiety, grief and loss, depression, poor self esteem, and relationship issues. They are designed for groups or individuals. I travel to your kitchen, making it really convenient!

Help! I don’t live in Richmond, but I want some cooking therapy!
I’ve just launched a new product that will help you out! It’s called: ATOT Takeout. It’s a personalized cooking therapy recipe designed just for you! It offers a solution for any minor life challenge. Just email me (info@atasteoftherapy.com) let me know that you would like to participate in ATOT Takeout. I’ll email you a form asking you what you are dealing with. Email it back to me with your $25 payment and within 24 hours I will email you back a personalized recipe and therapeutic tips to help you deal! IT will provided step by step instructions on how to use cooking to help you cope with your issue. *Bonus! If you mention you saw this on 30-something Therapy, I’ll give you $5 off!

Looking for more information?
Be sure to check me out on the web! I have a complete YouTube Channel that offers videos, recipes, and cooking therapy tips! Like me on Facebook, and follow along with Twitter! I’m excited to get to know you more!

Stay tuned for a special Taste of Therapy recipe that might be JUST what you need to wind down from the Thanksgiving holiday.