Iowa Transplant

Groups in Des Moines that helped me make friends as a transplant (in my 40s)

- Mel

It still feels weird when I think of myself as a 40-something blogger. But here I am! Why is that important? I’ve seen a few article floating around the shared spaces about how difficult it is to find friends once you’re X, Y, or Z. The most recent of which is WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS AT 40?

RAYGUN_Des Moines - there it is map
There we are! {Postcard art from RAYGUN}

Your mileage may vary, I suppose, but I have found the “trick” to be that you have to be intentional about friendships at a later age. It is important to put yourself into new situations (yes, that often means going to things alone; from someone with social anxiety, I cannot express how difficult but how important it is to do so). And also, maybe give up your presumptions that the next person you meet will be your new BFF. I’ve moved cities twice as a Grown Woman. Finding your “tribe” is important to belonging and overall mental health. Though, admittedly, depth in relationships is not really my strongest suit.

Again, YMMV.

Also, I should probably add: Is this just a female thing? That’s my worldview and experience, and this post will reflect that I like to hang out with other women. You know, boys and their cooties and all.

When I moved to Pittsburgh, I met all my friends via Twitter and Yelp. True story. I deleted my 300+ review Yelp profile before I moved to Des Moines, however, and Twitter since 2016 is quite possibly The Worst. Here are the communities that I happened to come across though (online and otherwise) that have helped me to connect to new people in Des Moines – with the benefit of making some great friends.

Capital Striders – Full disclosure, I’m on the board of this organization. But I’m on the board because I felt as though giving back to a community from which I gained so much (read: friends!) was incredibly valuable to me. If you like running, TRUST ME, you will find your accountability partners who will soon invite you to six-hour brunches. 😀

Women on Adventures – This is a national organization with a Des Moines outfit. I have truly met the most amazing women in this group, while getting the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and explore points of interest in Iowa. This is a “pay-for-your-friends” model, but there is a month-long freebie to check out what’s on the calendar and join the DSM group for your first adventure on the house. This group has also given me the place to meet people who are not just like me (aside from being female-identifying) and incorporates so many varied perspectives on adventure – which is really, really important for me. I’m looking forward to the things being planned for 2019!

Women Who Wine – Total accident that I connected with someone from WOA on a Bike & Brunch who then told me about this amazing group of women who like to drink wine. Monthly meet-ups with wine (duh!) and celebrate or support a woman and/or woman-owned businesses. I think I’ve made a 2-3 new friends at every event of theirs! Again, there is a cost associated to attend the events, but they are super fun. And did I mention there is wine?

Have you found any fun groups to make friends in the Des Moines area? Share them in the comments!

Things I didn’t get to do in Pittsburgh

- Mel

It is interesting when I reflect upon my time in Pittsburgh and think about the various things that I didn’t get the chance to do while we lived there for six years. Comparatively, I scan my “Iowa Bucket List” for the short-term as we are nearing the three-year mark of being Midwest transplants.

Here are the surprises that came up for me about Pittsburgh:

I never went to the zoo. I worked at the National Aviary (essentially, a bird zoo, for those not in the know) for three years, and yet I never traveled to the east end of town to visit the city’s zoo. I had plans definitely once and canceled because of weather. Maybe twice because I used to flake out on people a lot. Spending time at the zoo is a frequent destination for us when we are traveling. I LOVE the Henry Doorly zoo in Omaha. And I have a membership to Blank Park Zoo here in Des Moines. It’s still weird to think about that I never visited the zoo in Pittsburgh.

Art museum. Same as with the zoo, I never went to the art museum in Pittsburgh. Now, I spent a lot of time at the Mattress Factory and the Warhol Museum – but never the Carnegie Museum of Art. Though I parked in front of it once! Again, we travel and frequently go to art museums in other cities. AND I’ve been to the art center here in Des Moines several times casually and for a few events. I also missed the Degas exhibit at CMA before I moved and that still makes me sad.

Yoga on a pod on Mount Washington. I’ve been on the pods when entertaining out-of-town visitors, and I ran up the hill to Mount Washington the weekend before I moved away – but the yoga on the Mount looked like such an amazing experience. If I ever go back to Pittsburgh during the warmer months, I’ll have to connect with that instructor to ensure I have a mat space. I’ve been to a few fun outdoor yoga events here in Iowa, and I look forward to upcoming opportunities to practice in interesting places.

Go to the overlook in the west end. A friend once told me that the West End overlook was the best view in town. I would have to agree solely on my many travels over the West End Bridge. But I never did quite figure out how to get to the overlook (and I very likely didn’t try hard enough). What do you think is the best viewpoint of Des Moines?

The observatory on the north side. I literally lived within walking distance. This makes me greatly sad. I’ve signed up to be reminded of the sky parties here in Des Moines. And I put a telescope on my Christmas list again. 😀

Big butler county fair and school bus smash derby. Man, demolition derby is SO much fun. And taking that up a notch to smashing school buses just sounds like the best thing ever. I imagine that there is demo derby here in Iowa, but I haven’t actively sought it out. I still haven’t even been to the State Fair yet… and I’m really interested in catching some of those cart races.

A Year Surrounded by Corn

- Mel

This post is a little delayed, as my one-year anniversary of living in Iowa was way back in March. I still wanted to post something, as I am completely smitten with this place (and still bewildered at how a year+ could pass so quickly!).

The announcement of our move last year was abrupt. And was shocking to most people who knew us (the facial expressions were a huge tell). In less than two months, we traveled to Iowa for the first time, explored the Des Moines area in one long (negative 20-degrees) weekend, shopped houses with a Realtor — and closed on the 2nd house that we saw, and visited only once (we both couldn’t remember where the lower level powder room was until we moved in) — leaving our city row home in Pittsburgh, driving across several states with three cats to settle into the suburbs.

That was quite long-winded. I KNOW.

It felt wonderful to be “back” in the Midwest. Although, you’ll get some looks if you say you’re originally from the Midwest and proceed to tell Iowans your “home” is in Ohio — because NOBODY HERE THINKS OHIO IS IN THE MIDWEST. I’ve also been nicknamed “East Coaster” at work for coming by way of Pittsburgh, despite Pittsburgh being a half-day’s drive from the actual coast.

That said, this move brought with it some fun changes. For starters, we moved to the suburbs into a house with an actual garage. And because of that, we got married. Haaaaaaa. Something that was only a brief conversation in Pittsburgh (the marriage, not the garage… but definitely the garage) became something important to us after we relocated. I realized soon after moving that my happiness increased and my anxiety lifted. I slept more than I have in decades — there’s quiet and darkness and stillness here. I’m surrounded by nature and not concrete. Which, something something, science. I have space to put my things and extra spaces for those other things, and we can watch TV in two separate places without hearing one another — and STILL not have a television in the bedroom. I drive a lot more (and we have two cars now). I left the non-profit world for a job at a corporation, and I absolutely love being in a large, social workplace that provides paid time off to volunteer ON TOP OF going on vacation.

My TV shows come on an hour earlier. Though I’m pretty sure that my body clock was destined for Central Time. I’ve adjusted to the weather, and curse the wind like a native (though silently FML’ing the summer humidity). I bought a Hawkeyes shirt… I ONLY WORE IT ONCE, OK?! (sorry, Buckeye friends).

I miss Pittsburgh (and my friends there) immensely. Though there was no doubt that I was burned out by city life; I felt on the brink of a meltdown nearly every day. And… Pittsburgh had changed a lot since we moved there. I’m so happy that we’ve made connections here in Iowa and found our respective communities — we might have even MORE social activity than when we were in the ‘Burgh. I also found my running tribe here, too.

I enjoy discovering Des Moines by foot and trail, with an intent to cover more trail mileage by skate and bike this summer. There are constantly new restaurants opening in Des Moines that we cannot keep up with (a good problem to have!) and I have yet to visit or see all the city’s points of interest. We’ve made a point of supporting our local cultural institutions and attending many of the unique local events. We have subscriptions and memberships and rewards points on grocery cards. There’s much more to explore in our new city (wait… how long can I call myself “new”?), and we’ve only scratched the surface.

EXTRA READING:
Your personality changes when you move to a new place {via Science of Us}

New here? Check out this FREE event next week with the Des Moines Partnership: Welcome to Greater Des Moines Reception