“Perfectionism is the fear of making mistakes. There are two sides to perfectionism. At its best, it is motivating and inspires you to set high goals for yourself. But it can also get out of control. Perfectionists can turn into workaholics because their efforts never feel good enough. They engage in all-or-nothing thinking about their performance — if it isn’t perfect, it’s horrible. They give up easily. They procrastinate on their goals, waiting for inspiration to strike or the timing to feel right. They avoid social situations if they aren’t feeling “on.” They organize their lives around avoiding mistakes and end up missing wonderful opportunities.”
I’m participating in this week’s Sunday Lately round-up again with Wild & Wanderful. Today’s focus: Doing, Appreciating, Designing, Humming, Expecting.
Doing: Now that we’re back in Pittsburgh and unwinding from the Ohio holiday celebrations (and their respective party platters and mixed beverages), we have to focus on some of our growing clutter situation in the basement. Admittedly, I have my own personal piles of clothing and shoes that need to go to the donate bins or listed for sale online; we’ve also realized several boxes on shelves that haven’t been opened for a few YEARS… and well, it’s time for this stuff to go. So, I’ll be doing some organization and de-cluttering!
Appreciating: I’m so thankful for the time I could spend with the boyfriend our families this holiday, and I’m also looking forward to spending a day with my sisters and nieces this week. I appreciate my work organization giving us these extra days off to be able to see everybody!
Designing: There are some big things that are happening early in the New Year. This weekend, I’m designing a weekly plan for January and February to keep my goals in check, so that I don’t get overwhelmed and/or procrastinate.
Humming: Have we moved on beyond Christmas songs? Because I’m still humming this one.
Expecting: I’m expecting to finish two more books this week to make my 52 Books in 52 Weeks challenge a reality. I can’t wait to cross this one off my 30s Life List! And it truly grew my passion for reading for fun again.
the week:
It was a two-day work week for me, and I cannot explain to you how exciting it is that I don’t have to return to the office until January 4. After the last couple years of working most holidays and/or their surrounding days (including NYE AND New Year’s Day, the day after Christmas, Easter, etc.), this is a special treat this year. I don’t have to rush through Christmas celebrations and travel because of worrying about work the next day.
Merry Christmas!
weekend:
Duh, I’ll be playing with all of my new toys!
52 books in 52 weeks:
#50: American Savage by Dan Savage — I received this book as a Christmas gift last year and it’s been sitting on my nightstand… well, for about a year. I probably would have enjoyed it more last year when I was eager to read it. Overall, I felt the message was pretty redundant, especially if you already read the Savage Love column and listen to his podcast (which I don’t even do either anymore).
seven things, seven days:
1. My friend was kind enough to drop off some gluten-free pizzelles over the weekend, and… OMG I HAVE SO MANY COOKIES.
2. Cookies for breakfast, cookies for lunch, cookies for snack…
3. The party we went to last Friday was seriously one of the BEST parties I’ve been to since moving to Pittsburgh where I knew NOBODY, besides my boyfriend. Every single person that I mingled with was so interesting and friendly. And we all got turns to ride a hoverboard in the hallway.
4. Totally missed the boat on putting a selfie stick on my gift list this year! Dang it.
5. Listening to Christmas music in the shower in the morning has done wonders for my holiday spirit. 🙂
6. James Clear on mental toughness and the Marathon Monks If you commit to nothing, you’ll be distracted by everything. I’ve read about the Kaihogyo 1,000-day challenge before, and I particularly like James’ lessons from which to apply to our own lives and goal-setting.
7. There’s no excuse to be bored? Ehhhhh. How boredom is becoming anything but boring {via Dallas News}
In January, I set some running goals for 2015. I could never imagine then the things that I was able to accomplish in just one year. Although, there were a few disappointments, this year was BIG.
Quick stats for the year:
As of today, I completed 92 runs for a total of 479.97 miles.
I ran my first half marathon in May, then my first full in October (and achieved my goal times in both races).
My longest training run was 20.76 miles.
My longest race was a full marathon — 26.2 miles!
July was the biggest month, with 14 training runs; the least was November with only 3 runs (hello, marathon recovery!)
So, here were a few areas that I targeted for my goal-setting this year (which I self-graded, naturally): 1. Run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in 2:20 – A+
I only looked at my pace on my Garmin while running this race, and had no clue my final finish time until my boyfriend texted me when it was over. While the race itself was not my best work, I finished in exactly the time that I trained for (2:20:49). I’ve since PR’d that distance at a finish time of 2:18:36.
2. 100 individual runs (not including races) – B
SO CLOSE! I’ll hit 100 if I run every single day until the end of the year, but then that also includes all my races (I didn’t realize until looking at my goals again this week that I didn’t plan to include to track my races, so… FAIL). 92 runs though (training and races) as of 12/23. How do people do run streaks?!
3. Run 500 miles – TBD (but probably an A-)
Again, SO CLOSE! Can I run 20 miles before the end of the year? Stretch of a possibility, but given that I have the next week off AND I have 7-mile long run this weekend, the potential is there.
4. One race per month – C
I basically failed this goal right out of the gate and DNS the Frigid Five Miler in January. BUT April-November, I did complete one race per month, with two races in May and another two in September. I never replaced the Christmas Story race on my December calendar either, so I’ll likely not have a race this month. A mediocre completion of a huge year-long goal.
Nonetheless, I am so pleased with my year overall.
My PR board!
As it stands, my current race PRs are: Full marathon: 4:57:24 on 10/25/15 Half marathon: 2:18:36 on 9/12/15 10 Miler: 1:48:35 on 11/09/14 5 Miler: 48:58 on 11/27/14 10k: 1:00:39 on 12/12/14 (virtual race) 5k: 28:08 on 7/26/15 1 Mile: 8:10.92 on 7/31/15
I can’t wait to set and share some of my 2016 goals with you! How did you do on your goals this year?
Last holiday season, I made a Pinterest board: Gifts for 30-somethings. Most of my suggestions still hold up! And I’ve been pinning more items to it as the holiday approaches (it’s a super-easy way for the boyfriend to know exactly what I want).
Here are my Top Five this year: 1. SOCKS.
OMG, I am SUCH a 30-something — I wrote “socks” in response to basically every email to family asking for gift ideas. I need a couple pairs of these DryMax socks for running in winter [purchase here], but also these SmartWool socks for winter in general [purchase at REI and many outdoor stores]. MORE SOCKS!
2. YOGA ACCESSORIES
I don’t know how I keep losing my wide yoga headbands (blame the cats, I’m sure), but I needed a couple more to stash into my workout bags. Hindsight, I wish I would’ve asked for another Buff too.
3. BOOKS & SHIT
My multi-media list includes things to read and things to listen to — and something to write in (I guess you could say that I’m obsessed with journal books). But my Amazon Wish List is full of books that I want to read in the New Year (and yes, some adult coloring books). I also asked for a couple vintage vinyl records that are missing from my favorites collection: Blood, Sweat & Tears; Presidents of the United States of America; and King Harvest. Also in this category is a Five-Year Diary.
4. SPLURGE ITEM
How am I a young-ish urban professional and don’t own a black crossbody bag?! A stretch for my Wish List, but I’m currently coveting this black leather bag from Bartaile.
SWOON.
5. MORE RUNNING STUFF
Since marathon training, I realized that I could use a few additional items for next year’s cycle: a jar of Cytomax (yes, I really put this on my wish list, and please, only lemon-lime); a water belt — I currently use a handheld for my training runs which can get annoying during long runs (and is often, not enough water) and I need a smart way to carry all that Cytomax AND water; I also asked for a kettlebell for my at-home workouts — no idea where I’ll swing the dang thing but I’ll figure it out.
This is week three of training for the Gasparilla — a two-day running event with four different distances. Part of this race is a half marathon (on Day Two), which will be my fourth half and the focus of my training plan (an adapted Higdon’s Novice 2), but this is my first challenge event. I don’t currently have any plans to PR these races. But I do intend to do a LOT of workouts on tired legs, since I think that’s really the only way to train for one of these things. Running the morning after derby practices and back-to-back training days will probably help me the most, and how I ultimately plan to be “ready” for this challenge.
MONDAYSpinning Skipped spinning. I was just plain exhausted (and did not sleep well at all on Sunday night). [Walked to/from work.]
TUESDAY REST… and bake cookies. I haven’t baked in so long! Made some gluten-free dark chocolate-butterscotch chip cookies for my office cookie swap on Friday. I also tried out this King Arthur Gluten-Free Cookie Mix for the first time too — they came out pretty good (only lost a couple to cracking). [Walked to/from work.]
WEDNESDAY run//yoga//run club, holiday edition, which started with a plate full of cookies and peppermint bark — and lululemon gifting us a run top (Our ambassador brought a few different pieces and colors to select from; I picked a Runderful 1/2 Zip in a beautiful green color). Both lululemon and Urban Elements been absolutely amazing already in sponsoring these weekly run and yoga sessions, and this was above-and-beyond thoughtful. So I got to test out the top immediately, which was nice — I love the cuffins and small zip pocket in the front. The Runderful is WARM and super cozy. And Pittsburgh, as you know, hasn’t been cooperating with winter weather. But I will get plenty of use out of this top.
So, our group did 3 miles again (3.22) at an average 9:20 pace. We were speedy! Splits: 9:12/9:01/9:41
After the run, we were welcomed with another hot and sweaty 75 minutes of yoga flow, which really felt great for my hips and we did a good amount of plank/core work. Our instructor even put a series of Utkatasana poses to the 12 Days of Christmas (Muppets version, natch) and it was a leg burner! While we laid in Savasana, the lulu angel came around and left gift cards underneath our mats, so I will definitely be treating myself to a little something this holiday.
THURSDAY Two-hour roller derby scrimmage practice that started with some ladder-drill endurance work (woof!). We basically only had six players per team, which meant MORE endurance — so I played most jams (and even jammed a few times). First jam of the game: a direction of gameplay penalty. 😐
Alas, this was our last practice of the year, and it was SO FUN.
FRIDAY As much as I wanted to run before work, I was up super late from practice (past midnight) and I was out for after work (had to leave for a 5pm dinner reservation and holiday party). Sooooo, I took another rest day. [Walked to work]
SATURDAY I returned to my CrossFit box, Industrial Athletics for anyone looking for a gym on the north side, for a 12 Days of Christmas WOD and Cookie Swap. The workout was insane at first glance and felt a little chaotic when it started, but I found my rhythm with each progression. I scaled back to part bronze/part brass and finished in 32:15.
Check out my Overhead Squat! (and, naturally, an awesome lifting face)
SUNDAY I waited late in the day to get this run, and to be honest… I struggled with leaving the house. I knew that I would be running into drunken Steelers fans again on the north shore and just didn’t feel like dealing with it. But, I bundled up (chilly run even at 4pm!) and did my long run in 59:16 (6.02 miles, average 9:51 pace). Splits: 9:50 / 9:25 / 10:17 / 10:08 / 9:26 / 9:53
Naturally, I felt better once I was out there (and thankfully, no incidents with drunken tailgaters aside from overhearing a guy call me crazy that I was “out running in this” — I’m assuming he meant weather, but… seriously?). And I’m definitely crashing early.
TOTAL RUNS: 2
TOTAL WEEKLY MILES: 9.24 miles
TOTAL TRAINING MILES: 24.30 miles
I’m using this week’s Sunday Lately themes from Wild & Wanderful to prompt today’s post: Planning, Loving, Reading (which works in Sunday’s Bibliotherapy), Wishing, and Feeling.
Planning: A few months ago, I purchased a spark notebook, and after my run today I plan to start drawing out 2016’s calendar and filling in January’s space with some goals and resolutions and stuff.
Loving: While I know that we won’t have snow for Christmas, it was really fun to have a little accumulation this weekend. I think it helped immensely to get me in the spirit of the holidays.
Reading: {for this one, I just opened up to a random page and posted the first thing that I read}
Regret obviously plays a very big role in all our decisions, but how does choice, particularly an overabundance of choice, affect regret? We have seen that two of the factors affecting regret are 1) Personal responsibility for the result 2) How easily an individual can imagine a counterfactual better alternative. — from The Paradox of Choice
Wishing: Christmas is this week (!!!), so I wish you a Merry Christmas. 🙂
Feeling: I’m feeling pretty proud about making a final $240 payment to pay off one of my credit cards before Christmas. I have been chipping away extra payments each month to get down balances on three of my cards before an additional student loan payment comes due in early February. Two have zero balances now (and I canceled a card that wouldn’t remove the annual $60 fee; a card that I’ve had since my mid-20s), and the third I should be able to pay in full by the end of January.
the week:
So many things have made me happy this week. Like, immensely, beaming, ridiculous goofy grin happy.
I haven’t baked cookies in FOR.EV.ER. And I finally had the chance for our office cookie swap this week (I made gluten-free butterscotch-and-dark-chocolate-chip cookies, bee tee dubs). Scrimmage practice was silly and exhausting fun. The giddy happiness of my run/yoga club buddies also rubbed off on me. I don’t know that anything was Christmas Spirit-specific, but it’s definitely a good lead in for the Santa’s Big Day next week.
PS: It started snowing this morning! Granted, I know it’s going to be 65 degrees on Christmas but it made me happy on my walk to work.
weekend:
Tonight is the last of the holiday parties until the actual holiday. We made reservations first at Marty’s Market, since we’re headed over to that side of the city. I’ve been to Marty’s for lunch and had a GREAT meal (and they were incredible about all my food restrictions/allergies), so I’m excited to see what they do for dinner.
As I mentioned above, my office is having its cookie swap today, and I have another tomorrow morning to coincide with the annual 12 Days of Christmas WOD at CrossFit. I haven’t been to CF since summer, so this will probably hurt real bad. But YAY, cookies!
52 books in 52 weeks:
#48 The Monopolists: Obsession, Fury, and the Scandal Behind the World’s Favorite Board Game by Mary Pilon — a long-winded history of the infamous board game (which the boyfriend and I played a couple weekends ago), with an interesting back story about the supposed inventor(s) of the game and Parker Brothers’ ploys at monopolizing (see what I did there?) the gaming industry.
#49 Walden on Wheels: On the Open Road from Debt to Freedom by Ken Ilgunas — a memoir on one way to get out of debt. I hope that I never have to resort to “vandwelling” to pay off my student loans! But it’s certainly a cautionary tale about the emotional weight of debt — with a little adventuring thrown in.
seven things, seven days:
1. I had a sense that there were trade/sell groups on Facebook for people wanting to sell off their Stitch Fix clothes [affiliate link!]. And sure enough, there are several. I sold six pieces already!
2. …and that reminds me how much that I need to get rid of these donate bags in the basement.
3. I think I’m done Christmas shopping! Can’t wait to start wrapping.
4. Starting next week (Wednesday), I have the rest of the year off!
5. I LOVE the idea of making a personal annual report! (Though actually doing it is another story.) {via The Muse}
6. Doctor’s Orders: Prescribing exercise to patients — YES, THIS {via wbur}
7. “It takes me 15 minutes to make coffee using a simple pour-over technique: boil water, grind beans, position filter, add grounds, pour water. This process keeps me occupied during the low-willpower period when I would otherwise check email or look at Twitter—both of which are likely to send me into a reactive vortex of unproductivity.” [emphasis, mine, because this is also my experience] How I Became a Morning Person {via Medium}
At the beginning of the year, I got a new job which meant leaving the non-profit that I worked at for almost three years. It also meant leaving roller derby. That last one is important because I recently made the decision to go back and will be trying out for travel teams again in January.
I left for a few reasons, most of which for feeling burned out and least of which… well, I wanted to do something new with my life. I struggled with my sense of identity probably the most. In deciding to go back, I had to be very reflective about my experiences and incredibly honest with my expectations of returning. Not skating for 10 months will change your skill level, but seemingly my endurance is OK. I certainly was no slug for the last year, so I still maintained a great level of fitness. But I have some things to work on, and I’m actually excited for some of those new challenges.
Changing jobs was probably obvious to most given the nature of my previous work, and to be honest was sort of a surprise given how long I had been looking for something new and couldn’t GET something new. I *LOVED* my former organization and my coworkers though (and, naturally, the animals), and I’m certain to be fond of my new organization in time as well. But the new job has also been a continuous adjustment with many organizational changes that came along with a new CEO (I have a new office, new boss and new title, for starters, since I started a year ago). I feel maladjusted more than I should be adjusted. But, eh, we all change jobs and roles with an uncommon (but common) regularity.
In a flit of madness, I not only signed up for a marathon (before finishing my first half), I ACTUALLY RAN ONE. That part of my journey this year was so fulfilling. And I sincerely look forward to pushing those boundaries some more in 2016.
In any event, when I think of change for change’s sake, I get very small. I do not do well with change. I prefer order and schedules and patterns (and a heads up, for chrissakes!) and all of their inherent expectations. I need routine. I CRAVE routine. But every once in a while I feel like blowing shit up — as in, uprooting everything that I know to break up the stagnation and complacency. Like, selling everything that I own (save for my car) and driving across country to live in Phoenix for a while, as I did in 2004. Or, pressing delete on a blog that I published to for over 10 years.
I’m starting to feel that kind of itchy need again. And there’s a good chance that might happen soon after the new year.
I’m sure most of you can commiserate with me about the Holiday Struggle. I find it really difficult to take time for myself (and my partner… and my cats) without an immense overload of guilt and obligation.
Holidays have always been a super stressful and dreaded time of year for me. I’m an introvert and large gatherings of people (yes, even family) and fussy or spontaneous things really tire me out and add to my stress level. But the (inevitable) guilt trip of not being ALL OF THE THINGS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE that transpired since I became an adult has associated holiday celebrations with even more anxiety and, sadly, some apathy. That often adds to my feeling largely misunderstood — that my needs are always pushed to the side. That that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, in the name of the Holy Spirit and all that other stuff that I forgot from Midnight Mass. And it’s all my fault, right?
I truly hated Christmas for a long time. Capital H, Hate. My past Christmases included a lot of guilt trips and name-calling (bullying, even) and driving all over Northeast Ohio, tirelessly expecting to stop at multiple locations in the matter of a few hours. And there’s usually some weather to deal with. If I visit one family member (or side) and not the other, there is so. much. snarking. If I consider going away for a holiday (to really get away from all the stress) or not going away at all, there is even harsher commentary. All second-hand, of course, because that’s the family way. There’s rarely any lead time to actually set plans so that we can make sure to see everyone, and a part of me feels guilty for not making a better effort and, the other, angry for being so rigid. It upsets me every year. EVERY YEAR. It’s something that I should have accepted by now, right? But I still bubble with rage when it’s not until the day before and someone confirms with “are you coming home for Christmas?”
There was a chance to “start over” and celebrate the holidays in my (our) own way a couple years ago. I just wanted to wake up in my own bed, in my own house, and celebrate something OURS. Small. US, covered in cat hair. It worked. That little step helped me get back into the spirit and deal with all the spontaneity of the day itself. My boyfriend senses the start of my struggle though (this is why he decorates when I’m away) and does really well in diffusing situations before I explode or when I just really want to drink some eggnog and eat a breakfast of marshmallows and wear some flannel pajamas (for 20 hours or longer). And this time of year, it is — HE IS — something for which I am SO grateful.
Highmark’s December e-newsletter listed some suggestions from Mental Health America on how to cope this holiday and not dread this time of year:
Keep your expectations in check. Select only the events that are most important to you, and organize your time and pace yourself. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly.
Be realistic about what you can do. The holidays aren’t just about one day, so don’t try to do too much at one time. Spread out events for more fun and less stress.
Allow yourself to feel sad or lonely. Allow yourself to have these feelings, but don’t let those emotions overwhelm your day.
Look to the future instead of the past. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing today to the “good old days.”
Do something for someone else.
Enjoy simpler, free activities. Take a drive to look at holiday decorations, go window shopping, listen to music or play in the snow.
Spend time with caring and supportive people. This may mean you need to reach out and make new friends, or call someone you haven’t heard from in awhile.
And don’t forget to save time for yourself. Take a day off, away from the to-do list. It will recharge your batteries. Remember, too, you are allowed to ask for help.
Holidays have always been a super stressful and dreaded time of year for me. I’m an introvert and large gatherings of people (yes, even family) and fussy or spontaneous things really tire me out and add to my stress level. But the (inevitable) guilt trip of not being ALL OF THE THINGS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE that transpired since I became an adult has associated holiday celebrations with even more anxiety and, sadly, some apathy. That often adds to my feeling largely misunderstood — that my needs are always pushed to the side. That that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, in the name of the Holy Spirit and all that other stuff that I forgot from Midnight Mass. And it’s all my fault, right?