Every 30-something needs… a mix of the good memories and bad.

Something weird happened this week: I saw a blogger’s recent teaser post about her wedding, and her dress looked similar to the one I purchased seven years ago for my wedding.

THIS is the dress, by the way. *sigh*
This is THE dress, by the way. *sigh*

I didn’t get married. In fact, I’m *still* not married (obviously, I’m not with the same person anymore either). Believe me though, I’m not hung up over it — that whole experience basically turned me off to the idea of marriage. But I was struggling with why it made me so sad to see the dress. Was it because she looked beautiful in it, and I never had the opportunity to look beautiful in mine? Or was it simply just another hurtful pang of memories passed?

Or perhaps it was the $700 deposit that I couldn’t get returned?

From wikipedia:

Motivated forgetting is a debated concept referring to a psychological defense mechanism in which people forget unwanted memories, either consciously or unconsciously. There are times when memories are reminders of unpleasant experiences that make people angry, sad, anxious, ashamed or afraid. Motivated forgetting is a method in which people protect themselves by blocking the recall of these anxiety-arousing memories… This could induce forgetting without being generated by an intention to forget, making it a motivated action. There are two main classes of motivated forgetting: repression is an unconscious act, while suppression a conscious form of excluding thoughts and memories from awareness.

As my friend so eloquently put, “It’s a memory… not necessarily a bad memory, and a very important part of your life that shaped you.”

Now, as I’m remembering all of this, I almost want to have a good memory (wedding) to replace the bad one (canceled wedding). But this would mean getting married, which… I have mixed emotions about altogether. I’m sure many 30-somethings have found themselves in similar emotional turmoil. Let’s have some group therapy in the comments!

More:
Why People Remember Negative Events More Than Positive Ones {via New York Times}

Sequin love: Topshop bodycon dress *swoon*

I WAITED TOO LONG! The dress I wanted for New Year’s is out of stock. *sigh*

(via Sequin Bodycon Dress By Dress Up Topshop** – Topshop USA

Retail Therapy: what I bought at NY & Company

So, not only was I super impressed by a recent Fall sale online, but I was totally smitten with cute separates. Furthermore, I was BLOWN AWAY by quality. That’s saying a lot about a mall store that (as much as it pains me to admit) for the longest time I thought was catered to plus sizes.

NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. 

But, I’m decidedly small and borderline petite, so this misconception was keeping me away from a store that I haven’t shopped at for many years (the days when I was pushing size 12-14, which to be honest, I don’t even know where plus sizes begin). The misconception, of course, is my own.

I haven’t brought much attention to my “secretary spread of yesteryear” — mostly because I feel shamed at talking about body issues when I’m so tiny. But just as it happens to many women, I fell into an overweight (for my body frame) phase in my late 20s. I’ve always wanted to be larger-but-fit, especially because I’m now a roller derby player (and I have the sport to thank for creating some amazing curves on my small frame). The boobs? Yes, that’s why there’s Victoria’s Secret. I’ve become most fond of t-shirt bras that don’t make me look lumpy. But with being fit, working out makes my metabolism jump into overdrive. Thank you, genetics?

For disclosure: I typically fall somewhere between a size 2 or 4 (depending on the store/designer, natch); I’m 5’4” (heh, used to be an extra 3/4 of an inch… harumph), and I weigh around 125 lbs (but that fluctuates weekly between 122-127). My bust is 33; my hips are 36. Most of everything I bought (tops) is a small; bottoms can be tough, since I’m super small waisted, with a growing bottom (YES!!!), but I usually size up (then take what I need to the tailor). Regardless, these measurements might/not help you shop NY & Company clothing.

BE THAT AS IT MAY… wow, this post is getting away from me.

My bounty of awesome (that cost me only around $150, for serious):

Zig-zag knit vest — I could kick myself for tossing all my old sweater vests. I don’t own much in the red color family, mostly because of how it looks on my skin, but this deeper, almost-burgundy is spot-on.

Pointelle Sweater Vest — ahem, next verse same as the first. There was something about the style, the flow and color of this. It was irresistible.

A couple skinny belts: skinny lizard and shimmering skinny (in silver). A woman who is short with a long torso needs to define her waist. Always.

Smocked Tunic Shirt — all the waist skimming with the belting! Also see: need more white blouses; this one is just a pullover, which is nice.

Ruffle Placket Shirt — I bought this in powder blue, since I just donated an old, shrunken short-sleeve blouse that I wore tirelessly in the same color. Alas, it was DECIDEDLY shrunken, and PERSONAL OPINION: I don’t think that women over 30 should wear “belly shirts.” Just saying.

Ruffle Front Mesh Cap Sleeve Shirt — this is probably my favorite item I’ve purchased in a while. This color blue is so hard to find (even though I have three tops almost the same color in my closet; different styles, of course), AND IT LOOKS THE BEST ON ME! So, I’m excited to rock it. A lot. 

Silky Abstract Feather Drawstring Dress — true story: IMPULSE PURCHASE. I don’t do well with silky fabrics (they make me sweat! seriously, why is that?!), but I loved the style and print and POCKETS of this dress. It needs a little tailoring (length), but it’s not too often anymore that I purchase something crazy — and I was in the perfect mood.

Wow, that was some therapy, eh? Ah, I feel better. 🙂 THANKS FOR THAT, NY&CO! 

Did you make any impulse purchases this Fall?