happiness

Midwest Nice and Living in Suburbia (aka: Midwest is Best)

- Mel 6 Comments

If you can call Cleveland the Midwest, then I am from the Midwest. I always thought “The Cleve” felt different than the actual Midwest (where I’m living now) — like some amalgam of the casualness of the mid-States with the constant grumpiness of the East Coast. Pittsburgh wasn’t quite the East Coast and definitely not the Midwest. Cleveland should, for real, be its own region — like Pittsburgh: as they call it, simply, The Rust Belt. But I digress…

So, I’m in what one would actually call the Midwest, and I can honestly feel my mood shift to a different place. Everyone is so freaking nice — which has a LOT to do with it. So, I want to be overly nice, too. And more patient. More relaxed. Seriously, it’s the very form of peace I’ve been searching for, for quite a while. Something that the noise of the city and anxiety of its respective lifestyle overwhelmed and drowned out constantly.

I live in the suburbs now, which is also where I am from. Not this actual metro area, of course, but the suburban home in a suburban neighborhood. Granted, I came from a lower middle class upbringing in the suburbs, but a suburb is a suburb is a suburb. We lived in downtown Cleveland for a year+ before relocating to Pittsburgh, where we lived downtown as well for a year+ before purchasing a house on the north side — one mile from the Golden Triangle. We had a few major and immediate lifestyle changes in moving from an urban neighborhood to a suburb, mainly in adding a second car (and its associated costs) to our household budget and not walking everywhere (though my development is quite walker-friendly!). In fact, I’m so suburban now that we have our first Costco membership. And that suburbia privilege was promptly taken away when we threw out the receipt before exiting with our shopping cart full of things. Luckily, EVERYONE IS SO NICE that we were able to wait for a reprint of our order to leave and not be left inside Costco for eternity.

Patient people are everywhere here. Patient people are nice and friendlier than friendly — and willing to help you with anything. I’ve had people who we’ve met once reach out to connect again and make sure that we have a social circle (and quality drinking time). My neighborhood is also surrounded by farmlands, so this is a very different suburbia than what I was raised in. It must add to the charming character of Iowa. And yes, perhaps I could have found something resembling the cozy, quiet lifestyle in suburbia of Pittsburgh (sans farmland). Here is different. Trust. If you’re from the Midwest, then you just KNOW.

Is it my frame of mind? Is it the actual place? Not sure yet. But my head and heart says that I’m much happier than I’ve been in some time.

SUNDAY LATELY: Updating, Reminding, Needing, Wearing, Being

- Mel

Today’s Blogger, May I? prompt follows the weekly Sunday Lately theme. This week is Updating, Reminding, Needing, Wearing, Being.

Happy Mother's Day! (1)

Updating:
Updating my workout schedule for the week, with a return to some light running (yay!) and CrossFit.

Reminding:
I don’t know that I particularly wanted the reminder, but after being thoughtfully forgotten this week, I have decided to stop fighting for people who so obviously do not want to be friends. I have too many GREAT friends in my life to expend my love and energy and loyalty to settle for anything less. Maybe we all need that reminder.

Needing:
After my last few nights (and days) of celebration, I am in need of a sobriety break… and a lot of water. Also, need to get back on track with my healthier eating habits after enjoying a few necessary (and wonderful!) cheat days.

Wearing:
Where my jorts-loving 30-somethings at? I swear, I cannot get rid of old jeans without first DIY’ing into jorts.

Being:
Absolutely, completely content. My sense of “being” this past week has been full of happiness. More, please!

Weekly Therapy: take a picture, it’ll last longer

- Mel

the week:
My main goal this week was to get a massage. Of course, my usual therapist is on vacation, so I scheduled a late-Tuesday appointment with another lady in the office. I’ve been stretching and rolling and walking and generally still feel pretty crappy. Considering I don’t normally feel soreness after my runs, this is giving me major anxiety about the half marathon in a couple weeks.

More Cherry Blossom pictures!
More Cherry Blossom pictures!

weekend:
Boyfriend and I have ballet tickets for La Bayadere tonight; otherwise, Holy moly, I don’t have anywhere to go or be, and I’m going to keep it that way. (Naturally, there will be homework.)

52 books in 52 weeks:
#13: Finding Ultra by Rich Roll — if only for this passage, but for so much, much more:

“Surrender is a beautiful movement in which you gracefully, willfully, languidly fall, only to find midway that you have been gathered in some unimaginable embrace. Surrender is letting go, whether or not you believe the embrace will occur. It’s trust to the hundredth power — not sticking to your idea of the outcome, but letting go in the faith that even the absence of an outcome will be the perfect solution.”

The first Rich Roll podcast I listened to, I was immediately drawn to him (and his voice provokes some sort of meditative trance). Of course I had to read his book. I don’t think I’ve ever been more affected so soulfully by someone’s story to find my own meaning and what I am capable of — this book has transformed so much of my thinking. Some chapters I found myself unable to breathe; some weird empathetic response? No clue. But something in me has changed.

seven things, seven days:
1. THIS APP >>>>> Disposable Camera.
2. Decision Fatigue: The struggle is real, 30-somethings.
3. Thinking about (planning!) a 30-day challenge for after the half AND a 100 Day Project.
4. Made a MAJOR splurge for one of those special edition PopSugar MustHave boxes. Aaaaand I’m now on a spending freeze.
5. Last week of Social Sciences research! I really wish I had the time and opportunity in this class to do a content analysis. Another day, another course possibly.
6. A fascinating series The Ten Today, referencing the Ten Commandments of modern society, the “Thou Shalt Not Covet” article about money and its connection to happiness is mostly old news — but goes deeper about what DOES buy happiness. {via Deseret News National}
7. In the essence of savoring the moment, Stop Multitasking. {via Entrepreneur}

Why I stopped saying I’m “busy.”

- Mel

Don’t let the title of this post fool you — I suffer from bouts of social anxiety and can flake on you in a heartbeat if I feel overwhelmed from over-socializing (no offense). But for purposes of this post, I’m talking about this modern-day epidemic of being “busy.”

My life the last three (or so) years was NUTS. I was busy. Oftentimes, busier than busy. I wore BUSY on my sleeve as a medal of honor. There were practices three-four nights a week and many weekends of games (and often, travel), and then I added a full-time school schedule to the mix, and THEN I went from part-time to full-time at my job. A day-in-the-life of another “busy” 30-something — and I didn’t even have kids!

And then I realized that stress culminated into burnout. And then apathy. My relationship was suffering. My friendships were practically non-existent. I wasn’t sleeping enough (or nearly anything close to the recommended daily). I didn’t read for a hobby anymore. I didn’t have energy for happy hours or networking functions — or even visiting my family because I worked most holidays voluntarily for the double-pay. Most days I couldn’t find the time to shower (seriously… no TIME to shower). Frankly, I was miserable. Busy, but lonely. Anxious, disappointed, moody, frustrated all the time. There just wasn’t enough time to do it all, even though I was doing it all! I internalized being busy into being a terrible friend, girlfriend, teammate, fill-in-the-blank.

Why would anyone actively create a life like this?

For the last few months, I have purposefully replaced the word “busy” with “balanced,” and I am wholly proud of the strides I have made to feel OK with not being one of those running chickens without a head. I want to be more present, more relaxed, more focused on doing things I love, surround myself with people who make me feel loved and as though I belong, and… well, feel happier about life in general. And naturally, less stressed out. Buh-bye road rage, hello walking to work and listening to a podcast that is enjoyable and relaxing. I’m going to stay at this corner until the crosswalk changes to the “walk” symbol. I am not in a rush for filling what’s left of my time, but content with that I’m spending my time the best way I can. NOT BUSY.

MORE READING:
Being busy is a sickness. (This author also agrees with me.)
What’s also interesting, perhaps a little ironic, is that when I first skimmed this article, I read a quote within it as: “Sounds like a dull day. Have fun!”

“You are powerful enough to decide what you will and won’t do with your time.” How to multiply your time {via PsychCentral}

“The current understanding of work-life balance is too simplistic. People find it hard to balance work with family, family with self, because it might not be a question of balance. Some other dynamic is in play, something to do with a very human attempt at happiness that does not quantify different parts of life and then set them against one another. We are collectively exhausted because of our inability to hold competing parts of ourselves together in a more integrated way.” from The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship by David Whyte.

Holiday Therapy: it’s Christmas… ALL OVER. Again.

- Mel

Christmas:
Heading home to Ohio just for Christmas Eve, which means a lot of driving in one day. I am looking forward to relaxing in Pittsburgh on Christmas Day in front of our tree (and piled on the couch with three snuggly kitties). Trying not to stress out about one gift that hasn’t yet sent me a shipping notification. *sigh*

xmas tree

New Year’s Eve:
We decided to stay home again this year (“home,” aka: neighbor’s house) playing games and listening to ridiculous records. Since I have to work both NY Eve and Day, and most restaurants have fixed menus on the holiday, I have no desire to get dressed and dolled up for a few hours of drinking. I can also then bypass all the drunk idiots.

seven things, seven days (or maybe eight crazy nights?):
1. More therapists recommending cooking to treat anxiety, depression, and other psychological conditions. {via WSJ}
2. 10 Mantras to get you through the holidays (and stressful family situations). {via PsychCentral}
3. Is your holiday happiness influenced by social media? {via Science of Relationships}
4. I had so much fun both ice skating outdoors with the boyfriend (he actually enjoyed it too!) AND doing a social run downtown around all the sights and lights. I know it’s cold for most of you, but I can’t emphasize enough to just GET OUTSIDE and enjoy some winter activity. I find that it is better to embrace the winter than to hide from it.
5. The Inspired Room has some ADORABLE (and free!) printable gift tags.
6. The holidays can be especially tough for some (including myself) when experiencing depression. PsychCentral offers some guidance on how to approach this time of year when you’re depressed.
7. Gluten-free SPICY gingerbread cookies. Will be making a home in my belly for these guys this week. {via Gluten-free Canteen}

Weekly Therapy: got that new carpet smell!

- Mel

the week:
Carpet was installed in the guest space, and now we wait for the final finishes and touches (and a back-ordered pendant light) to complete the renovation. I have been MORE than impressed with the work from these contractors, and we hired them to start other projects in the house next month. Yep, we’re going all out for a master bathroom remodel! Which means I also get a (tiny) walk-in closet.

{check out the pics down there in the Insta-therapy sidebar!}

weekend:
Last regular season game (away) in Ohio! Then it’s time for Playoffs. Get it.

seven things, seven days:
1. I was super pumped to attend a session about sports psychology and CrossFit last weekend, sponsored by my box and given by a fellow athlete and almost-psychologist.
2. Found another gluten-free bakery just outside of the Pittsburgh area: Truly Wize. They also sell their sweet goodies at Naturally Soergel’s; boyfriend also found some packaged oatmeal cookies at Market District. I’m currently embarrassing myself over their version of a swiss cake roll (IT’S SO AWESOME).
3. Somehow in my sleep I purchased a case (a CASE!) of Figgies & Jammies, so says this Amazon email. They are the best, and I was traumatizing myself that I forgot to purchase at Soergel’s this weekend. So I will eat them.
4. Can you believe I have been gluten- and nightshade-free for six MONTHS!? I have my retesting next week with Emily Levenson (look her up if you’re interested in having sensitivity testing done).
5. REALLY looking forward to Britt Reint’s Conspiracy next month. In Pittsburgh? You should join the group!
6. West Elm Bakery Square is opening in Pittsburgh next week (YAY!!!).
7. Three tips to change your perspective on nearly everything. {via PsychCentral} I really like the idea of the heart-to-heart. We all need that perspective at one point or another.

Weekly Therapy: buh-bye skin cancer

- Mel

the week:
Had my MOHs surgery this week, so this post will be short-and-sweet. I have to wait 7-10 days to do any kind of physical activity, so I’m also on derby break. I’ll know more next Thursday when I get my bandages removed (for further healing time). I have no idea how long my stitches will be in my face, which is weird — especially if they’re going to be exposed.

weekend:
Neighborhood yard sale (also, first time in public since the surgery). Power game on Saturday, and then the Pirates game with my dad on Sunday. But lots of rest and learning how to cover up a black eye with makeup.

52 books in 52 weeks:
I got 17% through a new book about Ted Bundy, but it was boring, so I cut my losses and started reading something else.

seven things, seven days:
1. I won a $100 restaurant gift card from Dawg’s Dish. SO AWESOME! And we have a new restaurant to try when we return to Cleveland.
2. Yoga. Needed.
3. Purchased a CC cream (finally) and was disappointed to learn it didn’t contain sunscreen. Plus, the product itself sucks. Meh.
4. We booked a trip to Costa Rica!
5. Now I need to renew my passport though… holy expensive — especially for expedited processing!
6. Homemade strawberry milkshakes: for those days when you cannot drink alcohol. Sober Therapy.
7. Does trying to be happy make us unhappy?

Weekly Therapy: a little pick-me-up with flower therapy

- Mel

The smell of geraniums is so calming to me. 

And the sight of sunflowers fills me with such happiness. Especially when they’re wild.

I also love purple flowers. These were wild in the garden bed of my new home. I wish that they could be there everyday.

While I don’t unfortunately have my own green thumb, I regularly purchase small bouquets of flowers for myself as a little pick-me-up. Trader Joe’s always has something inexpensive and colorful, and I look to my local farmers markets as well.

What is your go-to happiness therapy?