10 Things: List of ten posts that I have saved in drafts

This post idea came from a Blogger, May I? prompt for List of Ten Things (of 10 Things). Guys, I have three PAGES of drafts in my wordpress dashboard — 51 total unfinished or unpublishable posts.

Some notable randoms as I scroll through — with comments about each added (without even reading the drafts themselves):

Where did I put my glasses? — well isn’t this just the epitome of random. Is this an actual post or should it have been a google search? Either really perplexes me. Perhaps it’s a metaphorical reference to memory complications that start as you get older? Hilariously, this scenario played out in a HomeGoods store just a couple weeks ago when I left my sunglasses somewhere in the store. If you know HomeGoods, you know what a crap-shoot it is to find anything in that place, let alone personal belongings left behind. I found my glasses on a stack of towels in the linens section, by the way.

About Vitamin D — a few years ago, before a diet elimination proved an intolerance or sensitivity to gluten, my Vitamin D levels continued to drop, despite prescription supplements. Because of my previous skin cancer diagnosis, my sun worshipping days were numbered, but I continued in an every-six-months cycle of high dosages of D3 and more blood work to increase by numbers. When both of my D levels fell into single digits, I found myself at the office of a naturopath, trying to find answers to a myriad of troubles. That morning, over a year-and-a-half ago, I hadn’t yet eaten breakfast and have been gluten-free ever since. And six months later, my Vitamin D levels were FINALLY measured in healthy levels.

Have you ever read the symptoms and risks for Vitamin D deficiency? Scary.

Loss of self and reliance on other people — Oof. That’s heavy, right? Before I found this job a few months ago, I was really struggling with feelings of self-worth and the various dependencies that I had on the boyfriend (I mean, he’s basically the reason why I eat a balanced dinner every night and not nachos and cereal). I’m actually really interested in reading this one, given my distance from those feelings and the return of my self-esteem.

Holiday Hate: A lesson in loving Christmas — As a child of divorce, I hate Christmas. In recent years, and with much warmth and thankfulness to my boyfriend and his family, my black heart has grown to love the season. I mean, I already LOVE winter, how can I hate Christmas? Well, that feeling was so deep-seated, and it’s taken me some soul-searching (and some couples therapy) to get past some of my anger and disappointment. I’m sure this post was about why I hated the holidays so much, and how this past Christmas was something really special.

A plan to reduce stress and increase relaxation — I remember exactly what this post was about, and I really need to finish to publish. What started out as a project in one of my Psych courses, actually was a powerful tool for my personal development.

An interview with yourself — What’s ironic is that I’m working on a behavioral 360 assessment/group project in another Psych course… but that’s present tense, so this can’t be it. I have issues with interviewing, specifically with behavioral interviews, and this class has been an eye-opening experience. Hey, maybe it will help me to interview better! Still though, this post… I’m not really sure I like its tone.

My first APA Convention — Oh man, I’m so mad that I didn’t post this, especially as I’ll be soon attending my second APA Convention this summer — and there was SO MUCH good info gleaned from attending. Also, I was selected for a second time to the APA Twitter Team. Randomly, I’ll be connecting with a former high school classmate who is studying in my same field of interest while I’m in Toronto.

Finding Therapy: A Weekend in Nemacolin — This draft is from my birthday LAST YEAR. Again, really disappointed in myself that I didn’t capture and post how amazing (and how necessary) this weekend was. If I could buy a timeshare at Falling Rock, I would basically live there.

Word of the year: Identity — Yep, I have some resolutions for the year, and identity was the word that I pulled out of a lot of goals and intentions. It’s been something on my mind a lot recently, so I’ve got a post (yes, another draft) for next week that talks about this very thing.

Pittsburgh Half Marathon Training: By the Numbers — #weaksauce I didn’t even do a half marathon training wrap-up? Embarrassing mileage or not, I need to get this posted so that I can better assess my plan for my second half and my first full (training starts this weekend… ACK!).

Every 30-something needs… a new identity.

For the last year and a half, I’ve been juggling a job, school full-time — and for a long duration of that, playing roller derby, which often felt like another part-time job. For most of last year, I was burned out and stressed out and any other down-and-out emotion you could tack on. My relationship was a wreck. I was a wreck. My poor house was a wreck. I started to come to peace with having to give something up. If I can be completely frank, I don’t have to work, but I choose to because it gives me purpose and makes me feel more like a partner in a household rather than… well, I don’t know what the opposite of that is. Plus, my own money dot com like a responsible 30-something. School is my future self, and I’ve been working too hard and too long to go back now. I initially gave up my volunteering role, which I miss immensely.

Derby was the final decision. It’s something that I struggled to come to terms with — that loss of identity from playing a sport that I’d participated in for 4.5 years. The irony is, once I made the decision to retire, I found a much more whole and authentic identity that has made me happier than I ever imagined.

That’s weird, right?

IDENTITY was my word for 2015, as I faced a lot of my fears about change and leaving behind an old me that didn’t fit any longer. I ended January with a new job, loss of a job in which I was employed for three years (but that was making me miserable), a retirement from a sport that I loved to play (but hated the drama that came along with it), and a calm and “free time” that I had all but forgotten about.

After attending a home game this past weekend, I miss the sport and (most) people a lot, but I have residual damage. Derby opened up the opportunity to embrace my authentic self, and at the same time, made me feel more unsettled about who I was. Who I AM is taking some time to recognize. I’m getting there.

Maybe some day I’ll get to that point of lacing my skates back up again. But does that mean going back to a part of me that doesn’t exist anymore? Is that the opposite of progress — or the celebration of it?

Identity: who am I?

A man/woman is many things, they say. Identity, or psychological identity, is a set of distinctive characteristics that one acquires through self-reflection and awareness. Identity can be lost or evolve with life experience, daily tasks or habits, and age. Just as we are these many things, makes us all unique in our total identity.

Who am I?
30-something
Girlfriend
Friend
Cat Owner LOVER!
Roller Derby Athlete
Teammate
Writer
Sometimes I’m witty, but most times I think I come across like an asshole.
Sister/Daughter/Granddaughter/Aunt
Volunteer
Frequent Vacationer
Adventurer
Wannabe Therapist
INFP
Failure. (yes, I see even this through the eyes of an optimist)
Procrastinator (this, however, is bad)
OCD
Brunette
German/Irish/Hungarian/Czech
Late-bloomer
Resilient

^^ also me (why so many pictures of me + yard drink?)

Who are you?