positive psychology

Weekly Therapy: “You didn’t quit; you learned.”

- Mel

I’ve been completely inspired by podcasts these last few weeks. Today’s title quote comes from Episode 7 of the BibRave Podcast — an incredible interview with Race Director of THE Boston Marathon, Dave McGillivray.

the week:
I’ve felt very harried and scattered all week, despite getting plenty of good sleep and not changing anything in my schedule. My to-do list feels a mile long, and I’m really anxious at getting a lot done this weekend. I don’t know… it’s like nesting or something but without the pregnancy. Maybe because of the changing seasons?

weekend:
Tonight is the members’ preview of the Vivian Maier photography exhibit at the Des Moines Art Center. YOU MUST ATTEND THIS EXHIBIT! It’s open through January 22. We’re also having dinner at Eatery A for the first time. So, I guess we’re having a date night.

The Capital Pursuit 10-Miler is Sunday — I’ve got my race plan and I’m ready to tackle it! #positivethoughts

seven things, seven days:
1. Today is National Run at Work Day — kinda bummed that I found out about it too late to plan something. I participated last year and had a blast!
2. I’m so proud of LifeTime in taking steps to implement a social media policy, restricting use of photos in locker rooms, saunas, and other private areas — and adding: No member may capture another member’s likeness without their consent. YES.
3. That time I went to BibChat and wasn’t wearing pants. ? ? ?
4. Are you recovering properly? {via Appetite for Health}
5. How do you feel about getting older? Well… it’s complicated. {via Pacific Standard}
6. The appeal of Botox — the savior of Resting Bitch Face {via Pacific Standard}
7. Couldn’t miss this article all week — Hint: it’s about SUGAR (Ugh!) {via NYT}

Weekly Therapy: Party on, Wayne

- Mel

the week:
It’s been another week where I’ve felt I haven’t slept enough and slog through the day just out-of-my-mind exhausted. Hopefully it’s just some good old-fashioned PMS and not another glutening.

weekend:
Tonight is the Urban Garden Party at the Mattress Factory. I love this party because it’s an awesome fun time, mostly outdoors, celebrates a fabulous institution in Pittsburgh, AND it’s in my neighborhood. Last year we ended up with an amazing painting of Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner, and I can’t wait to see what silent auction items are available this year to add to our quirky collection.

I’m also trying to find somewhere to do my 108 sun salutations for the solstice this weekend. Unfortunately, my yoga studio is holding an event on Friday evening, which I can’t attend. Whomp whomp. I might attempt to do on my own Sunday afternoon. MIGHT.

Because finals week is next week.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#21: The Gluten-Free Cheat Sheet: Go G-Free in 30 Days or Less by April Peveteaux

The publisher sent me this book, and it was a super-easy finish (I’m not sure if their contacting me was triggered by reading her previous book or because of my 52 books goal or just a coincidence). I like this one for its main purpose as a recipe guide — especially the 30-day meal plan chapter — and probably would have chosen this book first (I like it’s “pocket guide” size too). Most of the info in the first few chapters was similar to Peveteaux’s other gluten-free book, which was annoying and redundant… and, I don’t know, I just don’t find her all that funny or informative. Meh.

#22: The Blind Side by Michael Lewis: I was a HUGE fan of Lewis’ “Moneyball,” and I equally enjoyed “The Blind Side.” A departure from the psychology and mental training books that I’ve been reading but touching still on the sport element that I enjoy immensely. This is a terrific story about football with a wonderful story about its athletes who play that “blind side” position, specifically Michael Oher. Highly recommend!

Edited to add: And I just realized that this was made into a movie with Sandra Bullock recently, so I’ll have to watch that!

seven things, seven days:
1. Friends who host dinner and find all my dietary restrictions a fun cooking challenge are the best kind of friends.
2. Finally floated successfully out of Crow position at yoga this week…
3. AND the same night we got a free pair of Run Top Speed Crops from lululemon at run club!
4. I also received a few more pitches this week for more advanced copies of books. I like this perk of whatever PR list I am on.
5. Pay-day lunchtime manicures are my new favorite.
6. Recently fell in love with Stash Tea; subsequently bought 100 different teas.
7. Another great column from Brett Steenbarger, compiling the recent findings of how the focus on positives can bring negative consequences: when Strengths are Weaknesses and Weaknesses are Strengths {via Forbes}

10 Things: List of ten posts that I have saved in drafts

- Mel

This post idea came from a Blogger, May I? prompt for List of Ten Things (of 10 Things). Guys, I have three PAGES of drafts in my wordpress dashboard — 51 total unfinished or unpublishable posts.

Some notable randoms as I scroll through — with comments about each added (without even reading the drafts themselves):

Where did I put my glasses? — well isn’t this just the epitome of random. Is this an actual post or should it have been a google search? Either really perplexes me. Perhaps it’s a metaphorical reference to memory complications that start as you get older? Hilariously, this scenario played out in a HomeGoods store just a couple weeks ago when I left my sunglasses somewhere in the store. If you know HomeGoods, you know what a crap-shoot it is to find anything in that place, let alone personal belongings left behind. I found my glasses on a stack of towels in the linens section, by the way.

About Vitamin D — a few years ago, before a diet elimination proved an intolerance or sensitivity to gluten, my Vitamin D levels continued to drop, despite prescription supplements. Because of my previous skin cancer diagnosis, my sun worshipping days were numbered, but I continued in an every-six-months cycle of high dosages of D3 and more blood work to increase by numbers. When both of my D levels fell into single digits, I found myself at the office of a naturopath, trying to find answers to a myriad of troubles. That morning, over a year-and-a-half ago, I hadn’t yet eaten breakfast and have been gluten-free ever since. And six months later, my Vitamin D levels were FINALLY measured in healthy levels.

Have you ever read the symptoms and risks for Vitamin D deficiency? Scary.

Loss of self and reliance on other people — Oof. That’s heavy, right? Before I found this job a few months ago, I was really struggling with feelings of self-worth and the various dependencies that I had on the boyfriend (I mean, he’s basically the reason why I eat a balanced dinner every night and not nachos and cereal). I’m actually really interested in reading this one, given my distance from those feelings and the return of my self-esteem.

Holiday Hate: A lesson in loving Christmas — As a child of divorce, I hate Christmas. In recent years, and with much warmth and thankfulness to my boyfriend and his family, my black heart has grown to love the season. I mean, I already LOVE winter, how can I hate Christmas? Well, that feeling was so deep-seated, and it’s taken me some soul-searching (and some couples therapy) to get past some of my anger and disappointment. I’m sure this post was about why I hated the holidays so much, and how this past Christmas was something really special.

A plan to reduce stress and increase relaxation — I remember exactly what this post was about, and I really need to finish to publish. What started out as a project in one of my Psych courses, actually was a powerful tool for my personal development.

An interview with yourself — What’s ironic is that I’m working on a behavioral 360 assessment/group project in another Psych course… but that’s present tense, so this can’t be it. I have issues with interviewing, specifically with behavioral interviews, and this class has been an eye-opening experience. Hey, maybe it will help me to interview better! Still though, this post… I’m not really sure I like its tone.

My first APA Convention — Oh man, I’m so mad that I didn’t post this, especially as I’ll be soon attending my second APA Convention this summer — and there was SO MUCH good info gleaned from attending. Also, I was selected for a second time to the APA Twitter Team. Randomly, I’ll be connecting with a former high school classmate who is studying in my same field of interest while I’m in Toronto.

Finding Therapy: A Weekend in Nemacolin — This draft is from my birthday LAST YEAR. Again, really disappointed in myself that I didn’t capture and post how amazing (and how necessary) this weekend was. If I could buy a timeshare at Falling Rock, I would basically live there.

Word of the year: Identity — Yep, I have some resolutions for the year, and identity was the word that I pulled out of a lot of goals and intentions. It’s been something on my mind a lot recently, so I’ve got a post (yes, another draft) for next week that talks about this very thing.

Pittsburgh Half Marathon Training: By the Numbers — #weaksauce I didn’t even do a half marathon training wrap-up? Embarrassing mileage or not, I need to get this posted so that I can better assess my plan for my second half and my first full (training starts this weekend… ACK!).

Dream Big, Goal Small

- Mel

I have a problem with goals. It’s not that I don’t have successes or savor my achievements, I just think goal-setting in the linear model isn’t a one-size-fits-all scenario. To even have goals in the first place, we must dream big. But big goals? That’s not going to work. I also have a problem with A, B, and yes, C goals, which I’ll cover at the end of this breathless rant.

This will probably challenge your thinking a bit, so I hope you’ll play along.

You’ve likely encountered the acronym for SMART goals: specific, measurable, attainable, relative, timely (or time-BOUND… ack). And if your goals are not SMART enough, you’re dumb. We’re going about this all wrong.

Let’s look at it this way — a DOGMA, if you will: dynamic, observational, growth, monitor, authentic.

dogma, goal-setting

Way to really personalize the goals process, right? Because goal-setting shouldn’t be about over-qualifying and dialing in the specificity so much that we turn ourselves into obsessive-compulsive robots. Also, I hate the word measurable — you are not a stat; you are a human being. SMART goals might work for businesses, but you are not being publicly traded (I hope). You might not be able to determine a beginning and an end, but aren’t goals meant to be built on top of previous successes? There’s something that I read recently — I think it was on Humans of New York — about a man who was so focused on climbing Everest and reaching the summit that he never stopped to experience the process or the experience leading up to his adventure. When things went wrong, as they’re wont to do, and he didn’t reach the top, his dream was left unfulfilled and he was left… empty. As though he accomplished nothing. YEARS of life felt like a waste because he could not attain that end-point.

That’s not how goals should be. (After some growth, he now knows it too.)

We need goals; we also need to dream big, otherwise life would probably get kind of boring.

My DOGMA (yes, I made this up) is accepting of change, reliant on support of others while being perceptive, a positive learning experience alongside a process of development; goals that you require you to be in tune with your sense of self, your values, your fears, and your needs (it’s always about the needs!) and listening to your mind and body while reviewing your progress. This isn’t (and shouldn’t be) about what others want for you. These are YOUR principles.

For that matter, these are mine. And those are the tenets of my goal-setting process. I should probably write a book about them.

Side note: A, B, and C goals ARE SETTING YOU UP TO FAIL. Or to be really, really mediocre. Who wants to be mediocre? No, you want to feel accomplished, and that emotion only happens when you attain to that A goal. THE MAIN GOAL. B and C are complacency goals that give you clearance for fucking up. Which, THAT’S OK TOO. I will be in that line to tell you that failing is good. You know what failure is? Authenticity. A motivator. Drive to try again. NOT SETTLING. Changing things up. But you should never go head-first into a goal by placing tiers of failure.

How do you set and manage your dreams and goals?

This post is part of this month’s Blogger, May I? and today’s prompt is A Big Dream/Goal.

Additional reading: Narrow misses can propel us towards other rewards and goals

Weekly Therapy: overloaded

- Mel

the week:
First full week of my new job, and I’m (hopefully) filling into my role. I have business cards!

On the school front, I had to drop my first class in the program. I was feeling really overwhelmed with some of the course requirements — especially at already taking 16 credit hours. I’m hoping to get into another class that starts later this month, but my advisor has been completely MIA (which is a whole other unnerving thing in itself) and my student status is considered “overloaded.” STORY OF MY LIFE.

me_blue chair

weekend:
Friday night was the ballet — Beauty & the Beast — and then half marathon kick-off weekend! Wow. It’s here. So I want to take my weekend full of “down time” to be active and OUTSIDE. Because we are all excited about 30-degree temperatures in this place.

seven things, seven days:
1. First evening CrossFit session, and I felt BEASTLY. Maybe there’s something there.
2. One group presentation out of the way!
3. I had a volunteer info meeting this week, which I thought was downtown, so I didn’t drive to work. And then I realized said location was not downtown at all, but in Oakland. Woof, my perception of things.
4. Feeling SUPER meh about my last StitchFix box. Even with notes to my stylist about needing new work pieces and redefining my classic style, this Fix fell WAY flat — as in, not work-appropriate for me at all. Also: another really cheap bracelet for $30 kinda pissed me off. Also-also, they sent me the SAME dress I already purchased from another box, but in a different color. What the heck?!
5. There’s nothing like waiting for a package from USPS… and finding it face-down, frozen in the ice in your side yard. Yeah, they basically just tossed it over the fence without care or regard. SIGH.
6. Oh, hey, it’s OK to be an overbearing pet parent (and yes, there is some merit to the “crazy cat lady” title) {via Science of US}
7. I loved the message behind this post from the Greater Good blog: Be divergent, not perfect.

Weekly therapy: This is not recess. Everyone is accountable.

- Mel

the week:
Winter semester (and, well, WINTER) is upon us. My first class started on Monday, and in a couple weeks I’ll begin two more. Two semesters to go! Also, this week marks the return to roller derby. Can you believe tryouts are already next week? We held our introductory meeting (in my tiny house!) this week, and I announced my final season and leaving my post as team Captain. I loved our leadership team last season, but I really needed to step down from those responsibilities to maintain extra focus on school and upcoming graduation.

weekend:
Looking forward to the Frigid 5 Miler in North Park this Sunday!

52 books in 52 weeks:
Let’s try this again, shall we?
1. Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose by John Whitmore. Recommended/required as part of my Psychology course this semester — yes, I got a head-start on my reading — this book provoked a greater interest in performance as it pertains to organizational coaching through Whitmore’s GROW framework: goals, reality, options, and will — through context of awareness and responsibility.

2. Making Sense of People: Decoding the Mysteries of Personality by Samuel Barondes. It was an quick easy read — with a lot of footnotes and references (almost 100 pages!!!) — but not very instructional in “how” to actually read people. Not required or technical reading by any means, but informational to the novice or “armchair” psychologist. I enjoyed the profiles of Benjamin Franklin and the comparisons of presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama; likewise, the expanding of the Big Five personality traits was engaging (and I followed a link to another personality quiz included in the book). Otherwise, the book left me unsatisfied.

I also started and abandoned two other books because, boring… and WOW are we dead at work right now.

Does anyone else love the movie Less Than Zero as much as me?

seven things, seven days:
1. HOLY SKATE BAG SMELL, sMEL.
2. Surprisingly not very sore after my first derby practice back… and I had to re-test my minimum skills. Won’t take a 90+ day break again!
3. We had two weather-related work delays this week, at two hours a piece. The days did not go any faster, and, well, it’s fricking freezing.
4. I put in my notice at work, by the way. MORE LATER.
5. Because of winter, I finally got to break in my new Sorel boots. These things are legit!
6. The subtle art of not giving a… well, you know. Strong language alert, so likely NSFW. {via Mark Manson}
7. Long-form, interesting and a must-read: Has Technology Killed the Jewelry Industry? {via Pacific Standard}

Weekly Therapy: got that new carpet smell!

- Mel

the week:
Carpet was installed in the guest space, and now we wait for the final finishes and touches (and a back-ordered pendant light) to complete the renovation. I have been MORE than impressed with the work from these contractors, and we hired them to start other projects in the house next month. Yep, we’re going all out for a master bathroom remodel! Which means I also get a (tiny) walk-in closet.

{check out the pics down there in the Insta-therapy sidebar!}

weekend:
Last regular season game (away) in Ohio! Then it’s time for Playoffs. Get it.

seven things, seven days:
1. I was super pumped to attend a session about sports psychology and CrossFit last weekend, sponsored by my box and given by a fellow athlete and almost-psychologist.
2. Found another gluten-free bakery just outside of the Pittsburgh area: Truly Wize. They also sell their sweet goodies at Naturally Soergel’s; boyfriend also found some packaged oatmeal cookies at Market District. I’m currently embarrassing myself over their version of a swiss cake roll (IT’S SO AWESOME).
3. Somehow in my sleep I purchased a case (a CASE!) of Figgies & Jammies, so says this Amazon email. They are the best, and I was traumatizing myself that I forgot to purchase at Soergel’s this weekend. So I will eat them.
4. Can you believe I have been gluten- and nightshade-free for six MONTHS!? I have my retesting next week with Emily Levenson (look her up if you’re interested in having sensitivity testing done).
5. REALLY looking forward to Britt Reint’s Conspiracy next month. In Pittsburgh? You should join the group!
6. West Elm Bakery Square is opening in Pittsburgh next week (YAY!!!).
7. Three tips to change your perspective on nearly everything. {via PsychCentral} I really like the idea of the heart-to-heart. We all need that perspective at one point or another.

Weekly Therapy: So I said to myself, “Self….”

- Mel

the week:
wooooo… So much schoolwork before leaving for another weekend. I’ve also taken a LOT of assessments for an assignment, and I’m not sure if I know myself more — or less. Huh. I’ll let you know with certainty after I finish my analysis.

Does it seem as though all I’m doing is traveling this month? Because, yes.

weekend:
In Philly for a game, then off to NYC for a couple days to visit my sister and niece!

52 books in 52 weeks:
I’m going to give this thing a try again.
1. Gluten Freedom
2. StrengthFinder 2.0 – and additional assessment book recommended by my instructor for my Personal Development course

Yep. I finished two books in one week. And did an assload of homework. Where’s my cookie?

seven things, seven days:
1. Gluten-free pop tarts. GLUTEN-FREE POP TARTS.
2. I dropped my phone in the toilet… Thankfully, I remembered the RICE method, and it seems that I thwarted a drowned disaster.
3. Sooooo I’m going to be starting an internship some time in July. It’s not in Psychology, sadly (I’m still looking!), but hopefully I can pad my research and analytic skills somewhat in a marketing/non-profit setting.
4. A phrase of value this week: Self knowledge is the foundation of wisdom.
5. Achieving Happiness on vacation: the keyword is SAVOR.
6. I’m interested to know your thoughts about this article: I loved AA. Here’s why I left.
7. Oldie-but-goodie: a call for an introverted positive psychology. {Psychology Today}