psychology blogs

Weekly Therapy: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

- Mel

the week:
That subject quote came up in a Timehop post from, like, 7 years ago — and it’s still ever-applicable. Although I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me with all this insomnia and stress.

I’ve been having an opposite sleeplessness problem as of late. In the past, I’ve struggled with falling asleep; now, I can crash pretty quickly, but find myself WIDE AWAKE only after an hour or two… and completely unable to fall back asleep. Sometimes I’ll stir in the dark just staring at the ceiling; others, I’ll flip-flop mindlessly for hours and then finally grab my phone or iPad. Yeah, I know, no devices in the bedroom. I tried that for a while. I’ve removed the TV. I’ve removed my boyfriend. It didn’t work (nor do drugs or ear plugs or cold bedrooms or going to bed every day at 8:30 and waking up at my first alarm or sleeping with a sweatshirt tied around my face to block any light). Ironically, I find myself falling asleep easier when I’m reading or playing a word puzzle on my phone, or petting the cat. But I just. cannot. stay. asleep.

I stopped drinking coffee in the afternoon, but I am definitely drinking more in the morning. I haven’t tried a full coffee stop because that just sounds like a terrible, no-good idea. So, I’m frustrated and I feel like crap to boot basically for two weeks straight and now I’m PMS’ing. YAY. #sorryforcrabby

weekend:
Hey, I’m playing in a mixed scrimmage this Sunday! (I’m a Hero!)

seven things, seven days:
1. I missed the initial memo about changes in our office dress code… but, YAY more casual days!
2. I finished “The Girl on the Train” this week (my first and only book of 2016! Big difference from last year). If you’ve read it, did you like the ending? I did NOT.
3. THIS IS SO FASCINATING!!! 8 things that practicers do differently {via Bulletproof Musician}
4. From the perspective of elite achievers: If you’re busy, you’re doing something wrong. {via Cal Newport}
5. The Pi Day 5K is back! I’ll likely register for this virtual race taking place on 3.14(16), since I don’t have anything currently on my March calendar.
6. Since I’m currently (half-assed) training for a challenge race, I came across this helpful post for Training Tips for Challenge Races. My motivation is nil right now.
7. What you can learn from William Hung about perseverance. {via Pacific-Standard}

Weekly Therapy: The person you were.

- Mel

the week:
I have a very social week: two happy hours to catch up with friends, another friend’s birthday party, a chocolate-theme party and a business-kinda morning coffee break. Monday spin class. Back to my weekly run//yoga club. Open skate on Saturday afternoon. Tailgating with Pittsburgh Browns Backers (and more friends).

I hope I don’t hate people by the end of this seven-day stretch! But I’m honestly feeling some really good energy in making time for everyone and finding a need to connect (and re-connect).

weekend:
As mentioned above, I plan to put my skates on for the first time in ten months. WFTDA Champs got me all fired up inside about playing roller derby again. So, I’m starting with an open skate and a league practice on Monday to see where I am skill-wise (and to be minimum skills-tested again). And… well, we’ll just go from there. But it probably means more crossfit/weight-training in my life, despite my post last week about watching my money. HA, sorry money! I spent $200 already updating some of my derby equipment!

Saturday night is the much-anticipated (and sold out!) Chocolate Bar event by the Cultural Trust. Oh boy, I hope it’s not lame and that I can eat all the chocolate. In any event, there will be booze, so… I’m set. Sunday, I’ll be (hungover, likely) cheering the Browns with my fellow Backers at Heinz Field (and its proximal parking lots)!

Also: THERE’S AN INTERNET CAT VIDEO FESTIVAL HAPPENING IN PITTSBURGH! (WHAT?!)

52 books in 52 weeks:
#40 Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson — I really enjoy Jenny’s writing style, and this book did not disappoint. At one point I was CRY-LAUGHING that I started almost-sobbing. It was hilarious, maniacal laughter. And you’re dead inside if you don’t laugh while reading this book!

#41 The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane von Furstenberg — I had this book on my nightstand since receiving it in one of my Popsugar Must Have boxes, and I finally read it. Meh. Pretty boring overall, to be honest, but not completely eye-rolling (though I found it wholly impossible to relate to her life experiences and at times thought there was much fabrication). I found her failings (and subsequent successes) as a business person to be the most interesting and I wish those moments were expanded upon in her memoir.

#42 Popularity Explained: The Social Psychology of Grade School — SNORE. I mostly skimmed through. Incredibly boring and he even admits to a lot of the info being more of what we already know.

#43 Coming Clean by Kimberly Rae Miller — Somehow I ended up reading two memoirs about growing up with hoarders for parents. I’m still finishing the other one. I have a lot of respect for the author, especially considering her strength to maintain a relationship with her parents and their mental illnesses (and regularly, literally, cleaning up their messes).

seven things, seven days:
1. I bought these new capri pants from Fabletics in the Northern Lights fabric (which are amazing because the little stars are all reflective at night)!
2. Went to the annual “Cleaning of the Chandeliers” champagne toast at the Omni hotel yesterday. What a fun little celebration!
3. Preparing for skating again, I pulled my gear bag out of the basement and HOLY SHIT. It smells real bad after ten months.
4. NEW MISSY ELLIOTT!
5. YIKES: Alarming new research on perfectionism {via Science of Us}
6. My boyfriend forwarded this one to me (he knows me so well): The Secret History of Mac n’ Cheese {via Huffington Post}
7. What we think about when we run {via The New Yorker}

Weekly Therapy: Habit wins every time.

- Mel

the week:
My anxiety has been calming, though my concentration factor is nil. So… see you next week!

weekend:
If you’ve been playing along, you know that I’m running a marathon this weekend. Which I will be pulling along my boyfriend for observation who is also celebrating his birthday. Poor guy/what-a-guy. 🙂

52 books in 52 weeks:
#35 Aziz Ansari: Modern Romance — hey, this was a fun book! Aziz cracks me up and the dating research and focus groups feedback made for an entertaining read.

seven things, seven days:
1. Went to Arts & Drafts again this week because Beauty Slap was performing…
2. … and we ended up with some new artwork.
3. I bought my second pair of Cobb Hill boots. They are SO COMFORTABLE — even the heels, in walking over a mile to work. And I just found out that they are made by New Balance!
4. Do you use Evernote? Let me know about your favorite features. Trying to figure out if it’s for me.
5. Give it up: Grit… isn’t all that great. Well, this is interesting. {via The Atlantic}
6. This was totally written for me, but maybe it resonates with you too: How to prioritize, pursue goals and focus when you have many interests. {via Tiny Buddha}
7. Who Am I Without My Uterus? You must read this. {via Huffington Post}

Weekly Therapy: Sports n’at

- Mel

the week:
Today is National Run at Work Day, so I’m going to see what it’s like running at my lunch break (and then returning to my desk all sweaty and smelly for the duration of the day). I’ll be certainly putting my sMEL U moniker to the test. I have also already added to my list to use my Bath & Body Works gift card towards some body sprays that I can keep at my desk. Plus, my five miles will be over and out of the way so that I can enjoy my Friday happy hour.

weekend:
I’ll be watching the WFTDA D1 Jacksonville Playoffs and cheering for my former teammates in black n’ gold throughout the weekend. The Steel Hurtin’ have already won their first game this morning and play again at 4pm against the Seed 1 Team (London). NAIL BITING NERVOUS EXCITEMENT.

I am also having a massage and a facial this weekend. Getting there should be fun. And then I’m going out for some retail therapy. #earnedit

Hopefully we get some kind of cool front so that I can have a good 16(ish) mile-run this weekend too. And I guess there’s a football game or something.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#32: So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson — loved, loved, loved this book. I plan to write a lengthier review about it as part of another post. Important take-aways (for me): the shame spreads wider than the person being shamed (often at the person/s doing the shaming); the internet is a gross place; and yet another disparity between men and women. And when the book ended, I wanted more.

seven things, seven days:
1. I ate tomatoes again. In the form of tomato jam on a hamburger because OMG THE KETCHUP CRAVINGS. And I think I might altogether start reintroducing nightshades (or maybe just tomatoes) into my diet again because I feel all right.
2. Had lunch at the new Yard Gastropub Market Square location with my (now former) work team. Gluten-free bread at a grilled cheese place makes me a very happy downtown worker despite all the annoying workplace crap going on. Though I secretly wish Yard could dedicate a fryer so that I could have those sweet potato waffle fries!
3. I have two more cracked teeth in my mouth per my six-month dental check-up. FFS.
4. Favorite read of the week (going to miss this show so much): Psychology lessons from Key and Peele
5. Why do runners get slower with age? Ugh, age. {via NY Times}
6. Like your flextime but also feeling symptoms of burnout? You might not be balancing your job demands, job resources and recovery properly. {via Huffington Post}
7. Why do we compete? {via The Atlantic}

Weekly Therapy: The same… but different.

- Mel

the week:
Every day my boyfriend asks me what I’m going to do with my evening. For the last two years, my “free time” consisted of my head in a book or laptop and hours spent on homework. More often than not my answer these days is somewhere between “nothing” and “everything.” I feel like I have no gear, but I’m trying to be mindful about my time with minimal obligations and my intentions for using it wisely.

It still hasn’t quite hit me that I’m done with my degree program. So, now I’m currently vacuuming a lot.

weekend:
Long run! A street party with lots o’ pig. And some yoga in the outfield of PNC Park. Yeah, pretty stoked for this weekend.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#30 “Whisper My Secret” by JB Rowley – Wow, I got completely caught up in this book! While the story was a bit predictable, the writing style kept me engaged until nearly the end (where I feel as though some of the writing fell flat).

seven things, seven days:
1. I received a postcard from a hello prompt subscriber in India. Made my week! I seriously love that tiny letter community so much.
2. I guess I got a head-start on my 30-day challenge to get rid of stuff… by leaving a bag of hair styling products and accessories in my hotel room over the weekend. RAWR.
3. Oh, just stockpiling my favorite running shoe that was discontinued and on 6pm.com at a closeout discount. What was that about getting rid of excess?
4. So excited for the boyfriend, who had the opportunity to golf in an amateur-champions game this week. He got to golf with a LEGEND and that is just the coolest. I really wish I could have been there to watch.
5. TRIGGER WARNING: And how those Trigger Warnings are coddling us. {via The Atlantic}
6. The difficulties of change management sums up my unusual work week. {via HBR}
7. For me and for my fellow social introverts: How to Avoid Introvert Burnout {via PsychCentral}

Weekly Therapy: Action is the cause AND effect of motivation

- Mel

the week:
Because I’m trying not to procrastinate any further on my senior capstone, I’ve got mostly links in the “seven things” section today. But I have read every single thing, so I guess my procrastination likes reading about procrastination and motivation and such.

weekend:
Tonight is the Liberty Mile, which my team won first place in some category last year. I’m “competing” (lolz) as an individual this year, hoping to beat my mile time of 8:42. But otherwise, I’m just doing this one for fun.

liberty mile pittsburgh race downtown
Last year’s medal — and the FIRST medal of my collection!

Saturday: ROBERT RANDOLPH AND THE FAMILY BAND, YES. FEASTival looks to be kick-ass (I hope it’s not hot and crowded, double-lolz).

On Sunday, Bolthouse Farms and Giant Eagle are co-hosting a fun (and nutritious) community event as part of its #SnackMob tour. From 10 a.m. – 2 p.m., the event will feature live music and fresh food, with registered dietitians on-site to provide nutritional guidance for back-to-school snack options for kids. The family-friendly event this weekend will take place at Giant Eagle Market District at Settlers Ridge. Unfortunately, I cannot attend, but Bolthouse was kind enough to send me a few samples of their products. While I don’t have kids, I like snackin’ like them! Trust: these snack items are GOOD.

seven things, seven days:
1. My first sunburn in a few years, and I feel like an idiot (despite my use of sunscreen AND multiple reapplications).
2. But yay, more pool time at the club!
3. Holy crap, you guys — I won a twitter contest that includes entry to EVERY race from Elite Runners Pittsburgh this coming year. I AM SO EXCITE.
4. Probably the best article on procrastination that *I* ever read {via Mark Manson, naturally}
5. What kind of introvert am I? Social introvert. What kind of introvert are you? {via PsychCentral}
6. Me: The upside of being boring. I’ve had enough exciting life for three of me, thankyouverymuch. {via Fast Company}
7. This method would not work for me AT ALL, unless we’re talking about traveling around the world or you want me to eat cereal for every meal: The 2 words that every Busy Person should say before committing {via The Muse}

Why I stopped saying I’m “busy.”

- Mel

Don’t let the title of this post fool you — I suffer from bouts of social anxiety and can flake on you in a heartbeat if I feel overwhelmed from over-socializing (no offense). But for purposes of this post, I’m talking about this modern-day epidemic of being “busy.”

My life the last three (or so) years was NUTS. I was busy. Oftentimes, busier than busy. I wore BUSY on my sleeve as a medal of honor. There were practices three-four nights a week and many weekends of games (and often, travel), and then I added a full-time school schedule to the mix, and THEN I went from part-time to full-time at my job. A day-in-the-life of another “busy” 30-something — and I didn’t even have kids!

And then I realized that stress culminated into burnout. And then apathy. My relationship was suffering. My friendships were practically non-existent. I wasn’t sleeping enough (or nearly anything close to the recommended daily). I didn’t read for a hobby anymore. I didn’t have energy for happy hours or networking functions — or even visiting my family because I worked most holidays voluntarily for the double-pay. Most days I couldn’t find the time to shower (seriously… no TIME to shower). Frankly, I was miserable. Busy, but lonely. Anxious, disappointed, moody, frustrated all the time. There just wasn’t enough time to do it all, even though I was doing it all! I internalized being busy into being a terrible friend, girlfriend, teammate, fill-in-the-blank.

Why would anyone actively create a life like this?

For the last few months, I have purposefully replaced the word “busy” with “balanced,” and I am wholly proud of the strides I have made to feel OK with not being one of those running chickens without a head. I want to be more present, more relaxed, more focused on doing things I love, surround myself with people who make me feel loved and as though I belong, and… well, feel happier about life in general. And naturally, less stressed out. Buh-bye road rage, hello walking to work and listening to a podcast that is enjoyable and relaxing. I’m going to stay at this corner until the crosswalk changes to the “walk” symbol. I am not in a rush for filling what’s left of my time, but content with that I’m spending my time the best way I can. NOT BUSY.

MORE READING:
Being busy is a sickness. (This author also agrees with me.)
What’s also interesting, perhaps a little ironic, is that when I first skimmed this article, I read a quote within it as: “Sounds like a dull day. Have fun!”

“You are powerful enough to decide what you will and won’t do with your time.” How to multiply your time {via PsychCentral}

“The current understanding of work-life balance is too simplistic. People find it hard to balance work with family, family with self, because it might not be a question of balance. Some other dynamic is in play, something to do with a very human attempt at happiness that does not quantify different parts of life and then set them against one another. We are collectively exhausted because of our inability to hold competing parts of ourselves together in a more integrated way.” from The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship by David Whyte.

Weekly Therapy: Spring forward

- Mel

the week:
I hate the time change. I haven’t been able to sleep properly all week, even being purposeful about going to bed at a decent hour and sleeping through three different waking up with my pre-set alarms. And GAWD, isn’t it just the most-draggiest week?

weekend:
Road trip to DC for the Rock n’ Roll series of running events — 5K for me, and my friend Lauren will be running that with me. The rest of the crew will be tackling the half: Chelsea, Steff, and Kelsey. I volunteered for a RnR marathon in Phoenix over a decade ago, but have never participated. It’s a super-fun race environment, the medals are awesome, AND Better Than Ezra at the finish party?! TAKE ALL MY MONEY. Ok, please not all of it.

Also, I think this is my first race since… November? To be honest, I’m a little nervous about my knee. And the rain. SIGH.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#8 A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin: I’m on a female comedienne-author book club kick. I was ALL IN to this book… until the weird chapter about Woz. I didn’t laugh out loud, but overall this one was a fun and juicy read.

#9 Bossypants: by Tina Fey. HILARIOUS, actually laugh out loud. I couldn’t read it in bed because the chuckling would annoy my boyfriend. Definitely recommend!

seven things, seven days:
1. New curtains for the living that I found on Overstock for, like, half of what others are selling linen panels for. Although 1 out of 4 panels they sent was shorter length (even though the package says otherwise). HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
2. Taxes are done — holy crap, I’m getting a refund this year! After a few years of mostly freelancer income, this is so wonderful.
3. Dentist took two more old silver fillings out this week (a super-fun appointment scheduled before work). While I am happier about the whiter molar smile, OMG did my face really need to be numb until 1 in the afternoon?
4. Obsessed this week with mid-90s punk and alt-rock music. Thanks, YouTube!
5. I really want the opportunity to volunteer (undergrad-style) as part of a Psyching Team this summer for a marathon. Send me leads!
6. Daylight-Saving Time is bad for your relationships {via WSJ}
7. Speaking of your valuable time: is it worth more than money? Finding the balance between time and money {via NYTimes}

Weekly Therapy: change is not a bad word

- Mel

the week:
A lot can change in a week. As an adult, I think it is important to be able to change your mind, your answers, your direction, or the field — whatever and whenever necessary. I made some big decisions this week as result of my life (and career!) going in a new direction. I do not fear change; in fact, I needed a whole lot of it in my life! Because I suppose I fear complacency more.

Also in change: we bought some new living room furniture on a fun binge at West Elm. I’m getting a blue couch! SQUEE!

weekend:
Friday, joining the ladies for the 21+ night at the Carnegie Science Center, and then joining the Steel City Road Runners Club for a training run on Saturday morning! And then it’s back to my usual “all homework Saturdays!”

52 books, 52 weeks:
#3. Mindy Kaling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me?” A new fan (and binge-watcher) of The Mindy Project, I was hoping for continued hilarity, like her, but this book was pretty abysmal and pointless; while easy to read, I found myself skimming a lot just to finish. It felt really forced and… bluff. MEH.

seven things, seven days:
1. I have no idea how I got this subscription of Sunset magazine, but… somebody wants me to move out West? I was quite excited to see a gluten-free orange cake on the cover, however!
2. I WANT THIS HOUSE. And I’m REAL SAD that it is already contingent.
3. Stopped into my NEW JOB to meet my team and other employees, and do a little orientation. I am SO excited about this position, you guys! I start officially on January 28. AND I HAVE AN OFFICE!
4. I also completed my first peer coaching session with a classmate. This class is so hands-on and scary and intense, but the course and different coaching frameworks are so interesting.
5. We got to celebrate a little with brunch at Eden in Shadyside. I have dreams about their chickpea pancakes smothered in cashew butter!
6. No One Is Successful to Spite You: How to be Happy For Others {via PsychCentral}
7. I swear, every time I read Nicole Antoinette’s blog posts, an internal fire gets lit inside me (is that redundant?): What Makes Your Life Better, Easier, & Way More Fun? {via Life Less Bullshit}

Weekly Therapy: the final countdown

- Mel

the week:
Feeling really sleep deprived, but inspired and grateful and hopeful about a lot of things (see what some new paint and some shopping can do?!). There are three weeks left in Fall semester before a two-weekish break. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

We legit opened up a mini bottle of champagne and toasted the end of this construction. I slept in until 9am on my day off this week. Ahhhhh.

weekend:
Off to Buffalo to do some early holiday gathering and socializing. I’ll also be running the Christmas Story Virtual 10K while I’m up there — for the full Cleveland experience, if you will.

seven things, seven days:
1. Any one else tired of their inbox this week? UNSUBSCRIBE.
2. But definitely not the reminder email about the Naked on the Run palette. MINE!
3. Received an early Christmas present at Thanksgiving — 16 (16!!!) champagne flutes. Err, I guess we have to host a brunch or NYE party now (or maybe we should have invited the neighbors over to toast our renovation). WHO WANTS MIMOSAS?!
4. Yes, I know, YELLING. I am nothing if not emphatic.
5. StitchFix WIN this week: a winter coat, black collarless blazer, lace-sleeved blouse, velvet-flocked animal print pants and another light sweater.
6. Well I guess I picked a good activity! Here’s to growing old and awesome and active! {via NY Times}
7. Benefits of being a curious person {via Huffington Post}