stress and awesome boyfriends

You can’t change me (OK, maybe you can a little bit).

- Mel

Have you ever meditated or journaled or bitched over mimosas at Sunday Brunch on how much your life has changed?

I’ve been thinking probably too much about this (maybe because I’m slowly adopting my meditation practice again and also I’m probably doing it wrong because WHY am I so distracted about everything?!). Or maybe because this is what 40-year-olds do. But these thoughts were also induced by the passing of my 10-year anniversary of quitting smoking. TEN YEARS. Photo throwbacks almost always include a picture of me (very probably at a bar or club) drinking and smoking. My drinking habits have also changed, alongside the necessary stoppage of clubbing every night – given my 9pm bed time and ohhhh probably being no longer being single and 20-something has a lot to do with my retreating from The Scene.

Deep thoughts from the toilet.
I realized this week that I CHANGED MY TOILET PAPER BRAND for my husband.

When we had separate living spaces at the beginning of our relationship (though we basically lived together from Day One – yes, this man was just the right amount of cocky that he packed an overnight bag on our first date – we just rotated whose house we would stay until I finally moved into his apartment about 2 months into our courtship). ANYWAYS… I was firmly on Team Cottonelle when I was Managing Life on my own. He likes those bears that wipes their butts with “paper” from the woods.

It’s probably poison ivy.

Like most areas of our relationship, we never fought over whose toilet paper is superior. We, um… don’t really fight about anything unless we are doing house renovations. (Our backyard project is almost done, by the way.) Don’t you just HATE couples who don’t fight?! I am a total Kitchen Sinker type of fighter. My husband has probably raised his voice, like, twice. I let him assume the grocery shopping responsibilities because I shop like a teenager who only eats sugar – and here we are, 9+ years later, me realizing why we never had a discussion about what toilet paper we use. BUT HE DOES THE GROCERY SHOPPING, YOU GUYS, WHICH IS MY MOST HATED CHORE. Besides cooking – which he also does – but only because I find it overwhelming and he finds it to be a pleasurable and relaxing experience. HOW two people one person so complicated ever came together in a relationship is a question for the universe.

On my run last night, I had a conversation with my male running buddy about relationships and this notion of is it “better” to have met and married someone early on to figure out life shit together – or does the relationship have greater chance of survival if two people have independently lived and cooked for themselves – terribly or not. Which is the Charmin and which is the Cottonelle?

I dated my high school boyfriend for many years. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out (at least for us, together, but we are both now in long-term married partnerships. YAY, US!). I met my husband when I was in my 30s and shoved his presence away for ALMOST A YEAR because OH GOD, NO WAY am I dating someone in their 20s again. Hahahahahahahahahah.

What I’m getting to here, is that I am practically unrecognizable to myself from 20 years ago. I should also probably bring up that I had a nail piercing. I WORE DANGLING JEWELRY FROM MY PINKY (FAKE) NAIL.

I mean… Charmin toilet paper. WTF.

That said, we have DEFINITELY had the toothpaste conversation, and my husband’s preference is total shit while I am #Crest4Life, so we are firmly rooted in a two sink, two toothpaste household (TSTT — brand it!).

Maybe the secret to change is to let someone else do the grocery shopping.

So, what side are you on: Team Cottonelle or Team Charmin?

Weekly Therapy: 9-02 Oh, hey. It’s September!

- Mel

the week:
LADIES. I went shopping at Target for new underwear because it was time, and I bought 9 pairs — various prints, but staying with the briefs and boy-leg cuts; Target has a new women’s underwear brand (since I shopped last) and bonus: 5 pairs for $20 (don’t remind me that I bought 9 pairs and not 10). NOT ONE SINGLE PAIR fits around my butt cheeks. I spent most of my week picking underwear fabric out of my ass. How is this even my real life right now. NOT ALL SIZE 2s HAVE FLAT BUTTS. #30somethingproblems

But seriously serious: did my butt grow so much after only 6 weeks of half marathon training?

weekend:
THREE DAY WEEKEND — WOOOOOO! Saturday is the Madrid Miler Race (I’m doing the 5-mile distance), Sunday is a recovery day (brunch, probably), and Monday I’m going trail skating with some derby peeps. Super pumped about this weekend!

seven things, seven days:
1. I won a book giveaway on Goodreads! I get so many giveaway notifications from their site that I thought that didn’t happen to real people. FUN!
2. I stayed up until after midnight last night to register for a race. Hashtag, runner problems? But I’m in for the Hitchcock Half in December!
3. We’re booked for the next Rock Boat, and Sixthman announced Dexter Freebish was coming back to the line-up and AHHHHHHHHH I AM SO EXCITE!
4. I’ve been training with my new Aftershokz Trekz Titanium Pink, and I’m really digging the cord-free run lifestyle, you guys.
5. I should find out soon if I got the job that I interviewed for (my current job, nonetheless) – and these are some annoying reasons why runners make good employees. 😉 {via Women’s Running}
6. I don’t put much stock into into the MBTI (it’s all in good fun though, right?), but this article typed me appropriately: How Each Myers-Briggs Type Reacts to Stress {via Psychology Junkie}
7. You have not expired: What we know about aging athletes. {via Pacific Standard}

Sunday Lately for this 30-Something:: Week 81

- Mel

Blogger Tribe_Sunday Lately I really look forward to these posts every Sunday. Not only do I have a weekly ritual on Sunday of setting up my week for success, but blogging regularly helps me decompress from the previous week.

Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (lead by Angelica, Meghan, Nicole, and Katy) where everyone is welcome to pop a tent and share some S’mores. Catch up and read all of my Sunday Lately posts and camp out with the Tribe on Facebook

The prompts for July 17 (Week 81) :: Planning, Loving, Reading, Wishing, Feeling.

Planning:: My half marathon training! I’ve been working on adding all my runs to my calendar, and searching for races nearby that fit into that training schedule. I’m SO EXCITED to start this training next week!

Also, I’m thinking about what other races I can add into my post-half calendar, since I strongly prefer racing and training in the Fall. I want to enjoy as much of the season as possible (yes, even into the winter months). Have any recommendations for not-to-miss fall/winter races in the Midwest(ish) area?

Loving:: this wildflower bouquet that the boyfriend brought home! It was cut from a local farm (sold at Hy-Vee), and most of these flowers and greens I’ve never seen. It’s really lovely. And yes, you can see my weekend “workspace” at the end of the kitchen island back there. 😉

sunflowers wildflowers iowa blogger
Sunflowers are my favorite!

Reading:: three books at once again. I’m a couple chapters into Liz Pryor’s book: Look at You Now, and The Three Laws of Performance. I started (finally) reading my Blogging for Books request from MONTHS ago: “He Wanted the Moon,” which… is not the book I expected (nor want to really read when I’m trying to relax), so I’m having trouble picking it up consistently.

Next up, I’ve got Peak (the science of expertise!), Fearless Golf (for golf and beyond!), and the Science of Running (which, awesomely, Amazon sent me a digital copy to download once I purchased the actual book!) — as I’m apparently in my performance psychology space again. When this group of prompts comes around again, I hope to have them finished. 🙂

Wishing:: for another weather day like Friday. There was no humidity at lunch, so our department’s informal Lunch Club ate outside. It was only 73 degrees when I left that day, which felt SO COMFORTABLE! We opened all the windows in the house again, and it was just the perfect evening. It only lasted one day because I went outside for a run yesterday and it was MISERABLY HUMID once again.

Feeling:: As I mentioned above, I’m feeling really pumped about my upcoming running season, since I didn’t get much of anything done in the spring (and totally flaked out on marathon training). I’m reading all the articles about time goals and speed work — and even reached out for possibility of working with a coach this year. I feel like I have a constant runner’s high!

Sunday Lately for this 30-Something: Week 66

- Mel 4 Comments

Blogger Tribe_Sunday Lately It’s Sunday morning and the Blogger Tribe is collectively sharing their Sunday Lately posts — part of my weekly Group Therapy. The prompts for today, April 3 (Week 66), are: Planning, Loving, Reading, Wishing, Feeling. Read my past Sunday Lately posts and join camp with the Tribe!

Planning: I have plans to meet up with a running group this week! I need to find a new Runners Friends Tribe to help motivate me during my half marathon training and learn some new routes around my area in the process. Planning this into my weekly workout schedule makes it a non-negotiable. I’ve also incorporated into my monthly goals, which I plan to put into a post this week!

Loving: Absolutely loving that I spent nearly 12 hours in bed last night! I was positively exhausted after spending an entire day eating, drinking and shopping in downtown Des Moines. My body needed the rest, and rest I let it.

Reading: “All the Single Ladies” by Rebecca Traister, thanks to Net Galley. Considering the course of this election season and the impact of unmarried women (and being one myself), I thought it would be an appropriate and necessary read. It’s been a little difficult to get into, given its “exhaustive research” (emphasis: publisher), but I think I’ve finally found my pacing with her writing style. This will take me a while to finish though, no doubt.

Wishing: Because I’m currently working from home, I am doing chores CONSTANTLY. Well, mid-week, I decided that I didn’t want to do another day of dishes, and apparently, the boyfriend hasn’t felt like doing them either. So, they’ve been sitting there, piling up since. I wish someone would get all these dang dishes out of the sink already (and I hope that someone is this other person who shares my household).

Feeling: I’m feeling little stressed out just thinking about my upcoming week, to be honest. But reality and “thinking about” are two different things, of which I need to remind myself. Anticipation is not anxiety (repeat).

Weekly Therapy: “Your feet will bring you where your heart is” — Irish proverb

- Mel

the week:
This week, the boyfriend and I celebrated 7 years together. Unfortunately, he had to travel back to Pittsburgh to deal with the movers, so we’ll actually celebrate over the weekend. But… SEVEN YEARS, GUYS. Holy moly, how old am I?! And yes, we’re St. Patrick’s Day drunks-meets sweethearts.

cheers to new house des moines iowa 30something
Cheers to the new house!

weekend:
We’re heading into the city this weekend to use our (free) workout facility and explore downtown. With the NCAA tournaments in town, it’ s sure to be some MARCH MADNESS. *snicker*

seven things, seven days:
1. Our neighbors across the street invited us over for a party Sunday night, along with a few other couples. And everyone is so friendly, and I just feel right at home already. Plus, our sellers were there, so we were able to meet them, too.
2. Cats were pretty good in the car for 12 hours, and really only cried for the first hour. I only had one cat approach me in the drivers seat, with about an hour left to go. We were all incredibly antsy to get out of the car!
3. So, there are a lot of dirt roads near us and we don’t really know how to bypass them yet. This was a huge mistake, five minutes after going through a car wash. -_-
4. SEASON FINALE OF THE BACHELOR got me all… WUT. But I guessed his pick!
5. I had a quickie interview at a recruiting firm this week about a temp-to-hire position in the area. So… I got out of the house and drove around by myself! Bad news is that my car’s GPS doesn’t recognize my house. And Google Maps on my phone doesn’t do turn-by-turn (no clue why; it’s not muted). SHRUG. I got home.
6. Why do we work so hard? — a very thoughtful piece {via the Economist}
7. Oooh, I like this one very, very much: When it’s good to be bad {via Aeon}

Sunday Lately for this 30-Something: Week 59

- Mel

Blogger Tribe_Sunday LatelySunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (lead by Angelica, Meghan, Nicole, and Katy). Every Sunday morning, the Tribe shares a small glimpse into the last week — and I’m sharing along, too, as part of my “group therapy.” All are welcome, so if you’re a blogger looking for his or her Tribe, click through and join us in the Blogger Tribe Facebook group, and every week we share our thoughts on a rotating theme of prompts. I hope everyone is savoring the feeling of love this weekend with your besties or that someone special in your life (and especially those four-legged furry friends keeping us warm on this chilly weekend).

Blogger Tribe, SUNDAY LATELY Week 59, 30-something therapy

This week’s theme, on this Valentine’s Day, is: Updating, Remembering, Needing, Wearing, Being.

Updating: A couple months ago, I worked with a resume writer to tweak my professional documents to turn myriad roles into a comprehensive skill set (and help me get my resume down to a single page, which… she was a miracle worker!). Well, I’ve officially put in my notice at work, so I’ll be updating all my statuses to reflect my job-searching status.

Remembering: that my race is this weekend and trying not to freak out. Granted, I’m doing this solely for fun — but it’s a LOT of miles to run just for shits and giggles. I need to remember to be smart (and not preemptively freak out), and figure out mentally how I will sustain my energy levels for hours of running and socializing). #introvertproblems

Needing: I need a plan of action for my race this weekend, so I’ll be working that into my weekly planner. And I’ll share it in a separate post this week! Thankfully, we have this long weekend to help fine-tune my to-do list and race day(s) schedule.

Wearing: I thought that this heart-inspired Aphrodite set from Fabletics [referral link] would be super-cute to lounge around in on Valentine’s Day — and I ended up getting it as a $19.95 deal.

30-something Valentines Day set Fabletics

But I didn’t anticipate that I would rather want to be wrapped in sweats and wearing a Snuggie all day.

Being: in LOVE. Woke up to coffee and Eggs Benedict, and a gifted bottle of Rose champagne and chocolate… and a cat card, natch. It’s sounds so simple, but it’s perfect.

Weekly Therapy: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

- Mel

the week:
That subject quote came up in a Timehop post from, like, 7 years ago — and it’s still ever-applicable. Although I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me with all this insomnia and stress.

I’ve been having an opposite sleeplessness problem as of late. In the past, I’ve struggled with falling asleep; now, I can crash pretty quickly, but find myself WIDE AWAKE only after an hour or two… and completely unable to fall back asleep. Sometimes I’ll stir in the dark just staring at the ceiling; others, I’ll flip-flop mindlessly for hours and then finally grab my phone or iPad. Yeah, I know, no devices in the bedroom. I tried that for a while. I’ve removed the TV. I’ve removed my boyfriend. It didn’t work (nor do drugs or ear plugs or cold bedrooms or going to bed every day at 8:30 and waking up at my first alarm or sleeping with a sweatshirt tied around my face to block any light). Ironically, I find myself falling asleep easier when I’m reading or playing a word puzzle on my phone, or petting the cat. But I just. cannot. stay. asleep.

I stopped drinking coffee in the afternoon, but I am definitely drinking more in the morning. I haven’t tried a full coffee stop because that just sounds like a terrible, no-good idea. So, I’m frustrated and I feel like crap to boot basically for two weeks straight and now I’m PMS’ing. YAY. #sorryforcrabby

weekend:
Hey, I’m playing in a mixed scrimmage this Sunday! (I’m a Hero!)

seven things, seven days:
1. I missed the initial memo about changes in our office dress code… but, YAY more casual days!
2. I finished “The Girl on the Train” this week (my first and only book of 2016! Big difference from last year). If you’ve read it, did you like the ending? I did NOT.
3. THIS IS SO FASCINATING!!! 8 things that practicers do differently {via Bulletproof Musician}
4. From the perspective of elite achievers: If you’re busy, you’re doing something wrong. {via Cal Newport}
5. The Pi Day 5K is back! I’ll likely register for this virtual race taking place on 3.14(16), since I don’t have anything currently on my March calendar.
6. Since I’m currently (half-assed) training for a challenge race, I came across this helpful post for Training Tips for Challenge Races. My motivation is nil right now.
7. What you can learn from William Hung about perseverance. {via Pacific-Standard}

Holiday hate: A lesson in loving Christmas

- Mel

I’m sure most of you can commiserate with me about the Holiday Struggle. I find it really difficult to take time for myself (and my partner… and my cats) without an immense overload of guilt and obligation.

IMG_2110 Holidays have always been a super stressful and dreaded time of year for me. I’m an introvert and large gatherings of people (yes, even family) and fussy or spontaneous things really tire me out and add to my stress level. But the (inevitable) guilt trip of not being ALL OF THE THINGS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE that transpired since I became an adult has associated holiday celebrations with even more anxiety and, sadly, some apathy. That often adds to my feeling largely misunderstood — that my needs are always pushed to the side. That that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, in the name of the Holy Spirit and all that other stuff that I forgot from Midnight Mass. And it’s all my fault, right?

I truly hated Christmas for a long time. Capital H, Hate. My past Christmases included a lot of guilt trips and name-calling (bullying, even) and driving all over Northeast Ohio, tirelessly expecting to stop at multiple locations in the matter of a few hours. And there’s usually some weather to deal with. If I visit one family member (or side) and not the other, there is so. much. snarking. If I consider going away for a holiday (to really get away from all the stress) or not going away at all, there is even harsher commentary. All second-hand, of course, because that’s the family way. There’s rarely any lead time to actually set plans so that we can make sure to see everyone, and a part of me feels guilty for not making a better effort and, the other, angry for being so rigid. It upsets me every year. EVERY YEAR. It’s something that I should have accepted by now, right? But I still bubble with rage when it’s not until the day before and someone confirms with “are you coming home for Christmas?”

There was a chance to “start over” and celebrate the holidays in my (our) own way a couple years ago. I just wanted to wake up in my own bed, in my own house, and celebrate something OURS. Small. US, covered in cat hair. It worked. That little step helped me get back into the spirit and deal with all the spontaneity of the day itself. My boyfriend senses the start of my struggle though (this is why he decorates when I’m away) and does really well in diffusing situations before I explode or when I just really want to drink some eggnog and eat a breakfast of marshmallows and wear some flannel pajamas (for 20 hours or longer). And this time of year, it is — HE IS — something for which I am SO grateful.

Highmark’s December e-newsletter listed some suggestions from Mental Health America on how to cope this holiday and not dread this time of year:

  • Keep your expectations in check. Select only the events that are most important to you, and organize your time and pace yourself. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly.
  • Be realistic about what you can do. The holidays aren’t just about one day, so don’t try to do too much at one time. Spread out events for more fun and less stress.
  • Allow yourself to feel sad or lonely. Allow yourself to have these feelings, but don’t let those emotions overwhelm your day.
  • Look to the future instead of the past. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing today to the “good old days.”
  • Do something for someone else.
  • Enjoy simpler, free activities. Take a drive to look at holiday decorations, go window shopping, listen to music or play in the snow.
  • Spend time with caring and supportive people. This may mean you need to reach out and make new friends, or call someone you haven’t heard from in awhile.
  • And don’t forget to save time for yourself. Take a day off, away from the to-do list. It will recharge your batteries. Remember, too, you are allowed to ask for help.

Treat Yo Self! And by “Yo” I mean Me.

- Mel

I am no stranger to guilty pleasure. But recently I was looking for a new experience that would really help me tune out and check into some much-needed ME time. When I travel, it’s often with the boyfriend; when he travels, I’m taking care of three cats. I mean, they watch me pee. I’m never really alone.

I’ve been getting back into yoga and meditation — though I am super inexperienced on the latter. I’ve been trying to be more diligent about making yoga part of my regular weekly workouts and relaxation time. Having a once-a-week session during lunch hour through work is fantastic (so much that I might start closing my office door and practicing on my own when the program is over). I feel much more focused when I allow myself the opportunity to just let go — it’s so powerful. We used to have a derby sponsor whose tagline is: Yoga is my health insurance. Which is partly true, in a way.

Although, for me: Yoga is therapy.
yoga therapy

I think you’ll find most yogis would agree.

This upcoming weekend I’ll be attending a yoga retreat on the lake in Ohio, and it is a major treat for myself. I have been looking forward to this for months and will be “bunking” with another yoga-loving friend. It will be a good opportunity to log off and decompress (and drink some wine, let’s be honest). I’ll be scheduling my weekend posts, so I don’t miss out on the rest of my Blogger, May I? experience.

Weekly Therapy: OK, really vacation therapy this time.

- Mel

the week:
Two weekends ago already was my Florida trip. Wut?! But THIS weekend is actually, really our little getaway.
SERENITY NOW!

ft. lauderdale florida harbor boats
Ft. Lauderdale is pretty.

It’s been a week since my birthday so unceremoniously passed… huh. I should write about that. HUGE emotional difference from last year.

ft lauderdale brunch spots beach
A nice spot for brunch, eh?

weekend:
There will be relaxation. And none of that looking at next week’s school assignments.

scavenger hunt florida
High fives, Florida!

seven things, seven days:
1. Developed a stress management/development project for my Psych class this trimester, and currently putting the plan into motion. Maybe I’ll post about that here too?
2. In any event: STRAIGHT A grades this semester!!!
3. And a week off between semesters. Hooray!
4. New hair, don’t care. I went shorter and lighter for the warmer weather and feel GREAT.
5. Reading: Gluten Freedom. Intending to read every week NOT just for school — or at the very least, a complement to coursework that is NOT the textbook.
6. Continuing the stress talk: 6 Strategies that Surprisingly Don’t Shrink Stress (I wasn’t surprised… but maybe you will be!)
7. And there ARE benefits to stress! No, really!