30 posts in December

Sunday Bibliotherapy: From a New Book

- Mel

“Perfectionism is the fear of making mistakes. There are two sides to perfectionism. At its best, it is motivating and inspires you to set high goals for yourself. But it can also get out of control. Perfectionists can turn into workaholics because their efforts never feel good enough. They engage in all-or-nothing thinking about their performance — if it isn’t perfect, it’s horrible. They give up easily. They procrastinate on their goals, waiting for inspiration to strike or the timing to feel right. They avoid social situations if they aren’t feeling “on.” They organize their lives around avoiding mistakes and end up missing wonderful opportunities.”

— from My Year with Eleanor

Sunday Lately: Week 52

- Mel

I’m participating in this week’s Sunday Lately round-up again with Wild & Wanderful. Today’s focus: Doing, Appreciating, Designing, Humming, Expecting.

Doing: Now that we’re back in Pittsburgh and unwinding from the Ohio holiday celebrations (and their respective party platters and mixed beverages), we have to focus on some of our growing clutter situation in the basement. Admittedly, I have my own personal piles of clothing and shoes that need to go to the donate bins or listed for sale online; we’ve also realized several boxes on shelves that haven’t been opened for a few YEARS… and well, it’s time for this stuff to go. So, I’ll be doing some organization and de-cluttering!

Appreciating: I’m so thankful for the time I could spend with the boyfriend our families this holiday, and I’m also looking forward to spending a day with my sisters and nieces this week. I appreciate my work organization giving us these extra days off to be able to see everybody!

Designing: There are some big things that are happening early in the New Year. This weekend, I’m designing a weekly plan for January and February to keep my goals in check, so that I don’t get overwhelmed and/or procrastinate.

Humming: Have we moved on beyond Christmas songs? Because I’m still humming this one.

Expecting: I’m expecting to finish two more books this week to make my 52 Books in 52 Weeks challenge a reality. I can’t wait to cross this one off my 30s Life List! And it truly grew my passion for reading for fun again.

Sunday Lately: Week 51

- Mel

I’m using this week’s Sunday Lately themes from Wild & Wanderful to prompt today’s post: Planning, Loving, Reading (which works in Sunday’s Bibliotherapy), Wishing, and Feeling.

Planning: A few months ago, I purchased a spark notebook, and after my run today I plan to start drawing out 2016’s calendar and filling in January’s space with some goals and resolutions and stuff.

Loving: While I know that we won’t have snow for Christmas, it was really fun to have a little accumulation this weekend. I think it helped immensely to get me in the spirit of the holidays.

Reading: {for this one, I just opened up to a random page and posted the first thing that I read}

Regret obviously plays a very big role in all our decisions, but how does choice, particularly an overabundance of choice, affect regret? We have seen that two of the factors affecting regret are 1) Personal responsibility for the result 2) How easily an individual can imagine a counterfactual better alternative. — from The Paradox of Choice

Wishing: Christmas is this week (!!!), so I wish you a Merry Christmas. 🙂

Feeling: I’m feeling pretty proud about making a final $240 payment to pay off one of my credit cards before Christmas. I have been chipping away extra payments each month to get down balances on three of my cards before an additional student loan payment comes due in early February. Two have zero balances now (and I canceled a card that wouldn’t remove the annual $60 fee; a card that I’ve had since my mid-20s), and the third I should be able to pay in full by the end of January.

Biggest Changes of 2015

- Mel

At the beginning of the year, I got a new job which meant leaving the non-profit that I worked at for almost three years. It also meant leaving roller derby. That last one is important because I recently made the decision to go back and will be trying out for travel teams again in January.

I left for a few reasons, most of which for feeling burned out and least of which… well, I wanted to do something new with my life. I struggled with my sense of identity probably the most. In deciding to go back, I had to be very reflective about my experiences and incredibly honest with my expectations of returning. Not skating for 10 months will change your skill level, but seemingly my endurance is OK. I certainly was no slug for the last year, so I still maintained a great level of fitness. But I have some things to work on, and I’m actually excited for some of those new challenges.

Changing jobs was probably obvious to most given the nature of my previous work, and to be honest was sort of a surprise given how long I had been looking for something new and couldn’t GET something new. I *LOVED* my former organization and my coworkers though (and, naturally, the animals), and I’m certain to be fond of my new organization in time as well. But the new job has also been a continuous adjustment with many organizational changes that came along with a new CEO (I have a new office, new boss and new title, for starters, since I started a year ago). I feel maladjusted more than I should be adjusted. But, eh, we all change jobs and roles with an uncommon (but common) regularity.

In a flit of madness, I not only signed up for a marathon (before finishing my first half), I ACTUALLY RAN ONE. That part of my journey this year was so fulfilling. And I sincerely look forward to pushing those boundaries some more in 2016.

In any event, when I think of change for change’s sake, I get very small. I do not do well with change. I prefer order and schedules and patterns (and a heads up, for chrissakes!) and all of their inherent expectations. I need routine. I CRAVE routine. But every once in a while I feel like blowing shit up — as in, uprooting everything that I know to break up the stagnation and complacency. Like, selling everything that I own (save for my car) and driving across country to live in Phoenix for a while, as I did in 2004. Or, pressing delete on a blog that I published to for over 10 years.

I’m starting to feel that kind of itchy need again. And there’s a good chance that might happen soon after the new year.

Holiday hate: A lesson in loving Christmas

- Mel

I’m sure most of you can commiserate with me about the Holiday Struggle. I find it really difficult to take time for myself (and my partner… and my cats) without an immense overload of guilt and obligation.

IMG_2110 Holidays have always been a super stressful and dreaded time of year for me. I’m an introvert and large gatherings of people (yes, even family) and fussy or spontaneous things really tire me out and add to my stress level. But the (inevitable) guilt trip of not being ALL OF THE THINGS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE that transpired since I became an adult has associated holiday celebrations with even more anxiety and, sadly, some apathy. That often adds to my feeling largely misunderstood — that my needs are always pushed to the side. That that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, in the name of the Holy Spirit and all that other stuff that I forgot from Midnight Mass. And it’s all my fault, right?

I truly hated Christmas for a long time. Capital H, Hate. My past Christmases included a lot of guilt trips and name-calling (bullying, even) and driving all over Northeast Ohio, tirelessly expecting to stop at multiple locations in the matter of a few hours. And there’s usually some weather to deal with. If I visit one family member (or side) and not the other, there is so. much. snarking. If I consider going away for a holiday (to really get away from all the stress) or not going away at all, there is even harsher commentary. All second-hand, of course, because that’s the family way. There’s rarely any lead time to actually set plans so that we can make sure to see everyone, and a part of me feels guilty for not making a better effort and, the other, angry for being so rigid. It upsets me every year. EVERY YEAR. It’s something that I should have accepted by now, right? But I still bubble with rage when it’s not until the day before and someone confirms with “are you coming home for Christmas?”

There was a chance to “start over” and celebrate the holidays in my (our) own way a couple years ago. I just wanted to wake up in my own bed, in my own house, and celebrate something OURS. Small. US, covered in cat hair. It worked. That little step helped me get back into the spirit and deal with all the spontaneity of the day itself. My boyfriend senses the start of my struggle though (this is why he decorates when I’m away) and does really well in diffusing situations before I explode or when I just really want to drink some eggnog and eat a breakfast of marshmallows and wear some flannel pajamas (for 20 hours or longer). And this time of year, it is — HE IS — something for which I am SO grateful.

Highmark’s December e-newsletter listed some suggestions from Mental Health America on how to cope this holiday and not dread this time of year:

  • Keep your expectations in check. Select only the events that are most important to you, and organize your time and pace yourself. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly.
  • Be realistic about what you can do. The holidays aren’t just about one day, so don’t try to do too much at one time. Spread out events for more fun and less stress.
  • Allow yourself to feel sad or lonely. Allow yourself to have these feelings, but don’t let those emotions overwhelm your day.
  • Look to the future instead of the past. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing today to the “good old days.”
  • Do something for someone else.
  • Enjoy simpler, free activities. Take a drive to look at holiday decorations, go window shopping, listen to music or play in the snow.
  • Spend time with caring and supportive people. This may mean you need to reach out and make new friends, or call someone you haven’t heard from in awhile.
  • And don’t forget to save time for yourself. Take a day off, away from the to-do list. It will recharge your batteries. Remember, too, you are allowed to ask for help.

Weekend Reading

- Mel

GAH, I didn’t hit publish on this post on Saturday!

I haven’t yet started a new book (only 4 left to go!), and I’m also not feeling any of my own creativity — so I’ve been catching up blogs and articles around the web. I decided to share a few things that have left an impression on me this week:

1. A clash of two of my favorite run bloggers, Natrunsfar guest blogging on This Mama Runs for Cupcakes! Natalie writes about her Boston Qualifying training and gives tips for those considering the achievement. I don’t know if a BQ is *ever* in my future (I laughed when I looked at the difference in finishing times for after I turn 40, because LOLZNEVER), but this post is great advice for anyone just looking to step up their run game a bit.

2. Toys Were Us: The Tragic End of F.A.O. Schwarz. Man, this story makes me so sad. I didn’t visit New York or FAO Schwartz for the first time until my mid-30s but we all know about its legacy from childhood. And anyone in her 30s fell in love with that piano scene in BIG, right?

3. Stressed at work? ME TOO. A friend and coworker sent me this one: 7 Yoga Poses You Can at Your Desk to Relieve Stress. Side question: do you sit “Indian Style” in your office chair?

A 30-something Year of Running 2015

- Mel

Taking a cue again today from another running blogger, Eat Pray Run DC, to reflect a little on this past year’s running experiences in the Year of Running 2015 link-up.

As far as running goals are concerned, I kicked ass this year! I completed my first half marathon and then my second and third — PR’ing each race; I ran my first full marathon under my goal time; I finally finished a 5K under 30 minutes; I also PR’d the Liberty Mile; and I ran my first legit sub 8-minute mile just last week. I’ll do a full 2015 Running Goals update in another post, but this year was pretty amazing.

Best race experience / race experience you would repeat in a heartbeat: By far, the Niagara Falls International Marathon. Prior to this race, I thought I’d be a one-and-done marathoner; and yet, here I am signing up for #2 in 2016! This race was the stuff that makes me feel so complete and fulfilled by this sport. I want to bottle up all of those emotions from Miles 21-26 of that course. Just, simply, an incredible day and experience for my first marathon.

Best run: During my group training runs, I realized my potential — running at a pace much faster than I ever thought possible for long distances. My favorite run was my group’s 16-mile “bridge run” starting from downtown at sunrise and looping around the city and its many bridges in Training Week 15. A camaraderie was born and those ladies helped me through the duration of my marathon training, including designing my 20-mile training run around the Lemieux 6.6 race (which… I haven’t recapped that race, have I?!).

Best new piece of running gear: The Exolite Sonic ear warmers from 180s. In fact, I think all of their cold weather running gear is top notch. Can it start snowing soon so that I can enjoy these things again?

Best running advice this year: “Do not eat the lube on the stick!” LOL (pre-Pittsburgh Half Marathon advice).

Most inspirational runner: Kim Stemple, no question.

“I am going to die; we are all going to die—I just have a little different perspective on it.” Stemple said. “So, I’m doing what makes me happy instead of laying on the couch looking at the loose hair on the pillow.”

She finished the 2015 Marine Corps Marathon in 4:15.

Favorite picture from a race or run this year:THIS.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY!
LOOK AT HOW HAPPY!

If you could sum up your year in a couple of words, what would they be? I DID IT! I mean, seriously. My running adventure only began in September 2014, and I have accomplished so much since then. This journey has been so rewarding.

Click through to read all the Year of Running 2015 posts — and add your own:

Eat Pray Run DC

Setting up habits for 2016 resolutions

- Mel

You know that saying about not waiting to make changes? How January 1 shouldn’t be the impetus for life changes — and that you should start making good habits TODAY?

Baby steps, people. Yes, I do agree that a date on the calendar is widely misused as a placeholder for resolutions. So whether you decide that January 1 or your half-birthday is the day that you want to set some new goals for yourself, have at it. But real, honest change will come if you start doing something now. Like, NOW now. I’m not saying that your life will instantly change in that moment, but if you want something new or different to take place, do something right this second that leads to that eventual start date.

Say for example that your resolution is to “lose weight” in 2016 — do you have an exercise plan, have you consulted with your doctor, have you researched the monthly cost and/or joined a gym, hired a trainer or nutritionist, pinned some healthier meal options on Pinterest, or thrown out all your gross processed stuff in the freezer? And what does “lose weight” mean? I hope your goal is SMART or CLEAR. I guess there are HARD goals now as well. Do you at least know how to increase your chances at success? Doesn’t it feel SO OVERWHELMING?

Baby steps. One foot in front of the other. One day at at time. Write a to-do list. Buy some new sneakers.

So, yeah, I have goals for 2016 — quite a few, actually. But if I don’t start changing some of my bad habits now, I will be setting myself up for a mess of frustration on January 1. And likely, failure, by March 15. I can’t let my already-good habits go by the wayside either.

An example of my own baby steps? Waking up at my first alarm. NOT sleeping through five different alarms. I’m seven days in! This will lead to a bigger goal. But for now? I get to celebrate some small successes (and hopefully help my sleep schedule out a little in the meantime).

More reading:
Mind Tools has a bunch of articles about goals. Check out this article about personal goal setting. There are some great explanations about the different methods (with more links to further explain) and questions to ask yourself before you get started with the process. And if you have a coach or mentor (or are one), I personally like use of the GROW model.

Running Q+A

- Mel

Following the lead from This Mama Runs for Cupcakes, here are my answers to her Running Survey:

1. Would you rather run along a beach path or on a mountain trail?
I love the water but I hate the sand; my pick is for a mountain trail.

2. If you could choose the flavor of gatorade at your next race’s aid stations, what would it be?
Lemon-lime or GTFO. Also, I *hate* Gatorade, so anything else at the replenishment stations, please?

3. If I gave you a $100 gift card to a running store, what would be the first thing that you would purchase with it?
I know that I won’t be able to find new-old stock of my Ride 7s for too much longer, so I’ll put towards trying out a new pair of shoes.

4. Do you prefer to follow a training plan or wake up and decide then how far and how fast you want to run?
I definitely start with a plan, but let my body override and determine its course of action.

5. Would you rather start your run with the uphill and end on the downhill or start your run with the downhill and end with the uphill?
End with the uphill. Am I in the minority on this?

6. When you can’t run, what type of cross-training do you choose to do?
I do yoga and spinning and roller skating/derby.

7. What is your preference—> Out and back, point to point or loop runs?
It depends on if there’s a shuttle bus involved. (HA! And NO.) But seriously, loop runs are The Worst; I prefer an out and back, with point to point in second.

8. If you could recommend ANY running related item to a new runner, it would be a—>
A Buddy Pouch! I’m impressed by how awesome this thing is and I do not feel it at all when running — so long as I’m wearing pants/capris. I wish for a smaller/lighter version to wear with shorts that doesn’t flop. New runners: ALWAYS carry some sort of ID on you and my bonus pro tip: if you live in the city, carry a bus pass!

9. Do you ever see any wild animals while out on your runs?
Does a white tiger at Nemacolin count?!

A photo posted by Melinda (@melliesmel) on

10. Ever gotten lost while out on a run?
Yep.

11. If you could have one meal waiting and ready for you each time you got home from a run for the next 30 days… what would that meal be?
Chocolate milk (by post-workout must have!) and a sweet potato Eggs Benedict.

12. Capris or shorts… what do you run in most often?
I’m an all-weather runner but these lululemon speed shorts (I guess they’re only currently for sale in solid black) are seemingly part of my race day uniform.

IMG_1922

13. At what mile (or how many minutes) into your run does your body start to feel like it is warming up and ready to go?
Somewhere between Miles 4 and 5 are when I’m feeling my best for warm-up.

14. What do you do with your key when you run?
I have a lot of pockets in my gear (phone armband, water bottle, zippered pockets in my bottoms, key hole in my winter running gloves), but the block it pocket in the speed shorts is the best place where I don’t physically feel it and also feel that I won’t lose it.

15. If you could relive any race that you have done in the past, which one what it be?
The Niagara Falls International Marathon was an amazing experience for me, and I wish I could bottle up all of that awesomeness for future races.