You know what’s worse than turning 35?

Turning 36.

No, I’m not kidding.

35 is still in the middle (even though you’ve just skipped to the next age demographic); you’re no closer to 30 than 40… well, not until the day after your birthday if you’re a Glass Half Empty type of 30-something. Alas, the hump: you’re officially in your mid 30s. Mid-effin-30s.

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THINGS LIKE MAKE 5-YEAR-PLANS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND THINK ABOUT BEING 40 YEARS OLD.

Yes, all caps and bold. And *puke*

Today is my half birthday, and I’m officially halfway to 36.

I feel like I’m about to have a crisis…