Today’s Blogger, May I? prompt is another Sunday Lately post. I spent most of my morning riding a struggle bus hangover (woof). I hope you all had a lovely weekend.
Completing:
Today’s my last day of Spring Break, and my final semester begins tomorrow. I’ll be taking two courses for the first six weeks, then another two the second six weeks — one of which is my Applied Psychology Capstone. I’ve submitted my application for graduation, so now starts that fun waiting-auditing period to ensure I have everything that I need to complete this program.
Visiting:
Visiting with my tailor today. My, how this pile of unfitting clothes (with tags, harumph) has grown. Ladies, if you’re like me and struggle with off-the-rack clothing that fits properly, make sure you have a good tailor in your arsenal. I always have my skirts fit to my shape and pants because, well, that’s all 5’3″ problems of being not too short and not tall enough.
Repeating: I am a good person with only good intentions. Sadly, I had to remind someone whom I care about quite a bit. I refuse to have another person box me into a negative persona because I have feelings and opinions. And if I have to continue to repeat my intentions, then perhaps this person will never understand me.
Applauding:
Perhaps more of a CHEERS! than applause, but my youngest brother, babiest of the babies, turned 21 today. If you wanted some insight into how old I feel today. He’s a pretty cool dude, so Happy Birthday, brother.
Scheduling:
Our basement flooded for the first time since being in this house, which got worse with yesterday’s storms — something is backed up in the drain going to the city line, so we’ll be scheduling an emergency plumber to assess what’s going on. I’m frustrated and upset and having anxiety about what this might cost us. I couldn’t believe how quickly the water spread to the other side of the basement, and we were pulling everything we could off the floor to higher ground. And the water/sludge stinks, so the clean-up is going to be gross. ARGH.
I did a little skip-a-roo on my Blogger, May I? post yesterday, so that I could focus on (finally) getting my half marathon recap published. Yesterday’s prompt was “What are you learning?” which is my post topic today. And stay tuned for today’s actual post a little later.
If you want to talk about learning in the traditional sense, I have learned quite a bit since starting my applied psychology program last year. I’ve learned that books are even more expensive than 20 years ago when I first stepped foot in college! Among other things. In the, perhaps, non-traditional sense (for lack of a better way to reference), I have been learning a lot about myself lately — mostly that I have changed in many ways even in the last few months.
I have been learning how to live with purpose and intent. I have learned how to slow down. How not to procrastinate. How not procrastinating has somehow made my days feel longer and more fulfilled. Accomplished. I’ve learned how to tame my boredom and be OK with complacency and stillness. I love the quiet. I’ve learned the importance of forgiveness and forgetting — and most importantly, the difference between the two. I’ve learned how to communicate better with my partner (thanks, therapy!). I’ve learned that running changes my body shape. Heck, I’ve even learned that I look younger when I don’t wear eyeliner.
I’ve alluded to personal growth a few times on this blog, and I have made that a priority in my life: to be OK with who I am, who I’ve become, who I want to be. It’s that acceptance that you read about that comes with age. Wisdom with age, the wealth we all hope to accumulate.
Every time I think about this race, I get butterflies in my stomach… bursting OMG TEN MILES ones, but nervous excitement, nonetheless. Some of that was alleviated when I reached out to a former derby teammate to see if she still planned to run this year — and she is! So at least I won’t be starting alone and she intends to run my pace with me. I downloaded the app and started following the #cucb2015 hashtag to connect with other runners. I hear there’s a beer & oreos group around Mile 8, so I put out a gluten-free cider APB via twitter.
But seriously, NEXT WEEKEND. I can’t believe how quickly this race came around! And let’s not even talk about the half marathon yet. WHOOOOOSH.
MONDAY: REST (awesome after-work event)
TUESDAY: REST (homework)
WEDNESDAY: RUN! 4.04 miles WITHOUT A COAT (!!!) and Day 1 of a 30-day Core Challenge that I immediately forgot on Day 2.
THURSDAY: REST (must. pack!)
FRIDAY: Traveling to Columbus.
SATURDAY: Another 4 on 4/04 (4.26 to be exact) with no headphones. While the course I picked was boring (and I spent most of my time watching out for store doors to smack me in the face), I felt AWESOME.
SUNDAY: Easter, eat ham. Repeat. Does that count for exercise?
To be honest, I thought I did another workout this week. I really need to work on adding in some at-home workouts to get me through this semester (and until I have, like, 15 more minutes of day light hours). Before I go and get down on myself for having too many rest days, I need to remember that I walk a mile to work (and home a mile) 4-5 days per week. And yeah, I need to upgrade my walking-to-work shoe collection because I did not anticipate bleeding blisters on my run on Saturday.
And then we’re in Race Week! In putting my first 10-mile race into perspective (while I was training for the 15k and thought it would be “fun” to run a 10-miler), I hadn’t even completed an 8-mile training run before doing the EQT in November. I’m in much better running shape as far as getting my long runs completed; obviously, skipping the shorter training runs, I’ve realized in retrospect, are not making me a better runner. Noted for future races, self.
Side note: hallelujah, it’s SPRING!
Total runs this week: 2
Weekly mileage: 8.3
Total training mileage: 54.10 + 8.3 = 62.40
Total miles from MARCH, while I’m here: 33.35 miles. Yikes! That seems… like not enough.
Don’t let the title of this post fool you — I suffer from bouts of social anxiety and can flake on you in a heartbeat if I feel overwhelmed from over-socializing (no offense). But for purposes of this post, I’m talking about this modern-day epidemic of being “busy.”
My life the last three (or so) years was NUTS. I was busy. Oftentimes, busier than busy. I wore BUSY on my sleeve as a medal of honor. There were practices three-four nights a week and many weekends of games (and often, travel), and then I added a full-time school schedule to the mix, and THEN I went from part-time to full-time at my job. A day-in-the-life of another “busy” 30-something — and I didn’t even have kids!
And then I realized that stress culminated into burnout. And then apathy. My relationship was suffering. My friendships were practically non-existent. I wasn’t sleeping enough (or nearly anything close to the recommended daily). I didn’t read for a hobby anymore. I didn’t have energy for happy hours or networking functions — or even visiting my family because I worked most holidays voluntarily for the double-pay. Most days I couldn’t find the time to shower (seriously… no TIME to shower). Frankly, I was miserable. Busy, but lonely. Anxious, disappointed, moody, frustrated all the time. There just wasn’t enough time to do it all, even though I was doing it all! I internalized being busy into being a terrible friend, girlfriend, teammate, fill-in-the-blank.
Why would anyone actively create a life like this?
For the last few months, I have purposefully replaced the word “busy” with “balanced,” and I am wholly proud of the strides I have made to feel OK with not being one of those running chickens without a head. I want to be more present, more relaxed, more focused on doing things I love, surround myself with people who make me feel loved and as though I belong, and… well, feel happier about life in general. And naturally, less stressed out. Buh-bye road rage, hello walking to work and listening to a podcast that is enjoyable and relaxing. I’m going to stay at this corner until the crosswalk changes to the “walk” symbol. I am not in a rush for filling what’s left of my time, but content with that I’m spending my time the best way I can. NOT BUSY.
MORE READING: Being busy is a sickness. (This author also agrees with me.)
What’s also interesting, perhaps a little ironic, is that when I first skimmed this article, I read a quote within it as: “Sounds like a dull day. Have fun!”
“You are powerful enough to decide what you will and won’t do with your time.” How to multiply your time {via PsychCentral}
“The current understanding of work-life balance is too simplistic. People find it hard to balance work with family, family with self, because it might not be a question of balance. Some other dynamic is in play, something to do with a very human attempt at happiness that does not quantify different parts of life and then set them against one another. We are collectively exhausted because of our inability to hold competing parts of ourselves together in a more integrated way.” from The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship by David Whyte.
Oh man, 22. TWENTY TWO. Seems like a lifetime from my current age. I lived my life and took it by the balls when I was 22, and almost poetically, lived a life consumed by balls. I basically had zero focus, motivation, or seriousness — unless you count All The Fun and All The Mens at my disposal as a task of 20-something goals. And dispose I did. Life was a party, and I was the life of every one. Sure, I enjoyed that lifestyle at the time because I lived by my own rules, but there were detriments to being the non-stop cruise director of Fun: excessive partying, drinking, smoking… tanning. Carrying more about dating and being pretty than finishing my degree. (Ugh.)
I was far from ready to be an adult.
To be blunt: my 37-year-old self wants to go back and kick my 22-year-old self’s ass.
There are times that I reflect on how different my life could have gone — I could have gone done some darker, scarier roads. Somehow I cleaned myself up after falling in the ditch… over and over and over again. But I’m here. Living it up at 37. Completely different than who I was when I was living 22. The Party Girl.
The responsibilities shift. The priorities realign. And you find a better self. (And hope that others see it too.) I surely still have work to do, despite my “apologizing” for a life time of mistakes in my 20s.
Regrets? Yep. I have a LOT of regrets. And mistakes. And fuck-ups (pardon). I’m not denying that there is an obvious connection of who I was to who I am. The important takeaway here is that people can change — for the worse or for the better — and only if they want to. And I’m ever grateful for those along the way who helped me towards the latter. The perceptions of YOU in your 20s might very well remain in your 30s. Know that reputations are hard to shrug. That process will take time, but change for YOURSELF (and get rid of the toxic people who don’t appreciate your new life).
I’m living 30-something proof that sometimes maturity and accountability comes a little late. And that’s OK. It’s also OK if you don’t want those things, FWIW.
If I were 22? No thanks. Wouldn’t go back there for a second.
A number seemingly insignificant for journaling, let alone blogging, but it’s Day fifty-five of my “new life” — or rather, a portion of it. I’ve been feeling like crap for the better part of two years, and then when my depression slowly subsided last year, I was still feeling… not myself. My body still felt wrong.
Fifty-five days ago I finally went to see a naturopath-slash-nutrition coach to get tested for food sensitivity — after my primary doctor wanted to put me on yet another prescription supplement (that my body wasn’t absorbing) and my gyno couldn’t definitively provide any answers to what’s going on with my old-lady parts either.
I’ve been on a gluten-free, no nightshades elimination diet since. I went all out on Day One, and yeah, I didn’t know what a nightshade was either. I did know that bell peppers were not my friend, and I had already given them up. The storm was greater than bell peppers and a little indigestion, however, and that is what makes this diet so. hard. sometimes (pick up anything pre-packaged and see the words “natural flavors” or “spices” — even if organic — and throw it away… because, nope).
BUT IT’S WORTH IT. I have energy. I don’t feel 20 years older. My joints no longer ache endlessly. I don’t feel lethargic. My productivity is up; my anxiety is down. My undereye circles don’t require eight layers of concealer. I am still dealing with some other mental things, but this diet change was a really important first step. Aside from being glutened something horrendous yesterday, I’ve been feeling really. really. good.
OUT WITH THE OLD
My Resolutions for 2013 (in addition to my 30-day challenges)included the following:
Financial: Pay off my credit card debt before starting school next Fall. Pay off old school debt to get my transcripts released.
Education: Apply to an additional college (not one I was originally anticipating attending, but would be proud to “get in”.) Finish all application and registration requirements. GO BACK TO SCHOOL! (yay!)
Diet & Exercise: Make A-level travel team. Train for my relay leg in the marathon. Get stronger. Lift more. Find easy, healthy meals that I can make on my own.
Work: Better business tracking: time spent on projects, job app-to-hire percentage, all business expenses. Continue to look for work that is new and challenging. Pitch more.
Relaxation: Shut down the phone and read once per day. If I’m on my phone every day, I can have my nose in a book everyday. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes.
Home: Finish house projects. Complete paint remodel of the first level. Decorate my master bathroom.
Love: Love and support the boyfriend in all aspects of his life (including his high-stress job and travel). Stop being so bitchy and expecting to suddenly live with a mind reader (ie: tell him what’s on my mind instead of being defensive upfront). More date nights.
Friendships: Send one handwritten letter to a long-distance friend or family per month. Make the time to visit and reconnect with long-time friends in Ohio. Connect and hang out more with my team/league-mates.
Do Good: Continue to volunteer and donate time and money to my favorite charities and causes. Be emotionally available for friends and family in need.
To say I failed a whole lot is… well, a sucky thing to swallow. Good thing I’m OK with failure.
I did NOT pay off my credit card debt; in fact, my debt-income ration is WORSE. But my old school debt was paid in full ($2600!).
I did NOT go back to school (yet), but I have all my transcripts submitted and ready to register for winter!
I made the A-team for derby. I did NOT run the marathon relay. I started CrossFit, and I’m lifting! I’m getting stronger!
I probably cooked for myself three times in one year. Ugh, horrible.
I’m giving up the dream of freelancing full time . Because, well… it’s really, really hard being self-employed. It’s apparently hard being employed by someone else too, as I’ve been looking for a full-time job for nearly two years.
I read almost every day. Almost. But sometimes that’s on my phone. I made a good effort in my 52 Books in 52 Weeks challenge, but reading that at that pace all the time is difficult — especially when I want to enjoy reading. For what it’s worth, I still can NOT relax.
We painted! Well, the professionals painted. And I guess I decorated my master bath (even though now we’re planning a gut remodel job). Still hate that space immensely. But yeah, there have been a LOT of house projects both completed and half-assed this year.
*sigh* Love is tough, y’all, and relationships are really difficult when one person in the relationship spent the better part of 2013 in a slight depression. Relationships are work, regardless of what any magazine will tell you; and mine is worth working on. And WORKING ON IT, is becoming fun again.
While I connected with old friends back home, I did NOT write letters. I still want to write letters! I did hang out with my teammates more, which makes me happy because they are all wonderful, fun friends — and we have a MAJOR passion in common.
I stopped volunteering this year because of personal conflicts, and I felt that I needed to make *myself* first, given my circumstances. Hoping to give my time and support to another local organization in 2014.
How did you do on your resolutions this year?
Up next: IN WITH THE NEW
Photo credit: from Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.
Are there certain little things in life that just… ANNOY THE EVER-LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU?
I have — well, had — two:
1. The cheap ass Mr. Coffee coffee maker that dripped EVERYWHERE when filling up the basin and during the brew process.
2. The silverware drawer organizer that had moveable parts and knives and spoons would slip underneath partitions… and get stuck.
These two things have been on my annoyance and Must Replace lists for quite some time… because, well, see the first line of this post. It kind of reminds me of relationships: you love everything about something (err, someone in this analogy) and then one day, all the little quirks make you recoil in disgust. That coffee pot had an amazing stainless carafe that held the perfect two-cup amount. That drawer organizer was easy to clean because of its removable pieces. Then one day, everything changed.
Look, sometimes life’s little annoyances are just that: little. Usually that feeling dissipates. If something so minute bothers to an extent of rage, however, it’s sometimes masking something MUCH larger (perhaps you need more sleep, Mel, or your boyfriend REALLY needs to fix that dripping faucet). But let’s be honest, a LOT of times, these events can multiply beyond the boiling point — building up to an eventual epic meltdown that you can no longer ignore. Day-after-day-after-day of being frustrated, the annoyed feelings transitions to anger. And then you break up. The end! Maybe that’s me and my tolerance for frustrating life moments (like, waiting for people who are habitually late… or, traffic). I’m terrible at managing or channeling that irritable energy. If you flare up just at the thought of walking into the kitchen maybe you need a coping strategy.
How to restore the calm:
Option 1: Accept the triggers; just don’t ignore the triggers. The latter will just come back with a vengeance. Either figure out how to cope with the annoyance, take a time out, or learn how to increase your tolerance of the situation.
Option 2: If Step 1 doesn’t work, remove the triggers or remove yourself from the hostile situations. Like how much did I have to deal with these annoyances? I’m a daily coffee drinker, and I eat at some point in my home every day. So I was attempting to cope every. single. day. Therefore getting frustrated every. single. day. I had to change the situation (which, in this case meant purchasing new items for my kitchen).
Option 3: Kick something. Kidding. Sort of. Physical activity is a known stress release — use its advantages on days when you’re feeling a spike of irritation in one-off events. As for other types of negative coping skills, like causing harm to yourself or others, these not only do NOT solve the problem, but creates additional problems. Don’t do that.
Group Therapy: Tell me your biggest annoyance in the comments and how you deal with the situation.
Something weird happened this week: I saw a blogger’s recent teaser post about her wedding, and her dress looked similar to the one I purchased seven years ago for my wedding.
This is THE dress, by the way. *sigh*
I didn’t get married. In fact, I’m *still* not married (obviously, I’m not with the same person anymore either). Believe me though, I’m not hung up over it — that whole experience basically turned me off to the idea of marriage. But I was struggling with why it made me so sad to see the dress. Was it because she looked beautiful in it, and I never had the opportunity to look beautiful in mine? Or was it simply just another hurtful pang of memories passed?
Or perhaps it was the $700 deposit that I couldn’t get returned?
Motivated forgetting is a debated concept referring to a psychological defense mechanism in which people forget unwanted memories, either consciously or unconsciously. There are times when memories are reminders of unpleasant experiences that make people angry, sad, anxious, ashamed or afraid. Motivated forgetting is a method in which people protect themselves by blocking the recall of these anxiety-arousing memories… This could induce forgetting without being generated by an intention to forget, making it a motivated action. There are two main classes of motivated forgetting: repression is an unconscious act, while suppression a conscious form of excluding thoughts and memories from awareness.
As my friend so eloquently put, “It’s a memory… not necessarily a bad memory, and a very important part of your life that shaped you.”
Now, as I’m remembering all of this, I almost want to have a good memory (wedding) to replace the bad one (canceled wedding). But this would mean getting married, which… I have mixed emotions about altogether. I’m sure many 30-somethings have found themselves in similar emotional turmoil. Let’s have some group therapy in the comments!
Going to Costa Rica was a bucket list-of-a-trip. The country that I always dreamed about visiting. The beautiful sights, sounds and scenery… a volcano — a tourist destination that was, surprisingly, not all that expensive to travel to (this time of year is considered the “offseason,” but the temps are freaking BEAUTIFUL this time of year; low 80s during the day and 60s at night). Seven days felt like a vacation too, even considering the travel time.
The clouds clear from Arenal — as seen from our hotel property:
The vacation was spurred by a conversation with a good friend — an opportunity to meet said online friend IN REAL LIFE for the first time at that. This, after knowing and talking to him almost daily for the last 13 years. Crazy story, I know, but I’ll touch on that another time. There were six of us altogether: my boyfriend and I, my online friend and his girlfriend, and another couple from Denmark that currently live in the states. Our varied personalities and interests made for a well-rounded vacation, and we all got along perfectly. In fact, I wish I could always travel with the same group!
Travel friends for life!
OVERALL: As I mentioned, going to Costa Rica is a bucket list-worthy trip in itself (in fact, I crossed one item off my 30s Life List!). I wasn’t anticipating the perfect balance of beauty, adventure, fun and relaxation (although I really wish I would have booked an outdoor massage at the hotel). I enjoyed staying remote up in the mountains, but you might enjoy the beach — Costa Rica has both!
We’re all in here too:
The vacation was made through a Bookit.com deal and included both hotel and airfare.
LODGING: the Green Lagoon Lodge was incredible — the staff really went above-and-beyond our expectations. We ended up being the only couples in the place until the last night of our stay. The lodge itself is small and cozy (only 11 rooms, I believe), so it can book fast. There are no TVs in the rooms (a big YAY from us; I really hope they don’t ever add them because there isn’t really good noise insulation in the rooms); all of the rooms do have an air conditioning unit in the wall (I’m a light sleeper, and every time it turned on, I woke up… it might not bother you, but if those things do, bring ear plugs). Strangely, our room had a double bed and a single bed, but both were REALLY comfortable. The room is cozy and clean, and includes a refrigerator, small sitting area and shower bathrooms (bring slippers for the tiled floors that exist throughout the space).
The property includes a small restaurant area, outdoor cabana/bar area (which wasn’t open until our last day) that includes two outdoor pools (one large/one child size) and a covered hot spring tub area (we drank and played games outside every night). Because of the off-season, there was some construction occurring, but it wasn’t disruptive. We were honestly impressed by how much work was completed in one week.
In the clouds…
FOOD: arroz con pollo, no bueno. But ALL OF THE PINA. Breakfast was included with our stay — there wasn’t a menu; the cook just decided what to make us every morning. Breakfasts typically included eggs, fruit, yogurt — but sometimes we had cheese or fried plantains or more rice. After five days of rice-and-beans-and-plantains-with-everything, I wanted something different. There are a few “American” restaurants (not chains) in La Fortuna for this purpose. The last night of our visit, our hotel hosted a travel group from France, but invited us to join them for a welcoming party (we enjoyed a really good meal and drinks and dancing). Also: THE COFFEE.
My rotating snack menu: from left-to–right: Zucaritas! / Imperial beer of Costa Rica / Lime & Salt Platanos
ADVENTURE: white water rafting, volcano hikes, ziplining, canopy tours, cloud forests and rainforest exploration, waterfall diving, hot springs… yeah, Costa Rica has all of that. If adventure is what you seek, then I highly recommend staying around Arenal. A few other activities that we did: LOTS of hiking, visiting an animal sanctuary, Salto and sneaking into the “secret” hot springs location.
Then there’s this (NEVER MIND THE LANGUAGE):
Yeah, I was a little terrified.
THERAPY: disconnecting from all the stressors at home was what I was looking for — and some peace and relaxation to grieve a bit. This vacation was a good time to get away from everything… well, everything except the boyfriend. Ha! But there were also opportunities to challenge myself… and then, there was my battle with the resulting poison ivy rash.
But it was the perfect place to have a sandwich. Sandwich Therapy, duh.
Have you traveled to Costa Rica? Tell me your favorite adventure in the comments!
