push yourself

Accountability Week: 7/11 – 7/17

- Mel

What does self care look like to you? Bubble baths and face masks and lots of relaxation? More rest days and social time and focus on loved ones? Decompressing with a book or writing? Well, I did all of the above this week. And that was my goal for the week.

I’m proud of the consistency that I’ve added to my workout routines, and I wanted to think of this period as something like a cut-back week in regular training. To be honest, I work hard to combat the negative self-talk when I start thinking about how to plan out my training again. I’ve not really had success in sticking to a plan. So, I’m exploring options — like social running groups and coaching — to help me see my goals through. I think having accountability is SMART to combat those times when you don’t feel like following through. And since I know my tendencies better than anyone, I want to be set up for the greatest success without being my own worst enemy. This week, I found my first accountability buddy, and those kind of things really add value to my life. I’ve certainly missed having a Running Tribe like I had in Pittsburgh, and I really hope to find my “people” this running season.

But I still find it weird that there are NO organized group runs here on Sundays! Every other day of the week, though, there’s a group somewhere, and several run on Saturdays. WEIRD.

MONDAY Rest

TUESDAY Mostly a Rest Day, though I did a couple sets of my hips and glutes exercises and some air squats in the evening.

WEDNESDAY Ran on the trails, approx. 3.4 miles. My foot felt pretty uncomfortable after this run (maybe because of first time running outside in a while?), but still no noticeable swelling or bruising. I iced it for a bit anyways when I got home.

running iowa trails blogger

THURSDAY Rest Day, aka: Wine Day – after-work wine tasting

FRIDAY Rest – with wine waiting for me when I got home (had to work late to cover time missed by my dentist appointment). I certainly tapped out on rest days this week. My legs felt like they needed a lot of stretching (yeah, I don’t think I did anything after my run on Wednesday… #dumb), so I focused on that a bit before I went to bed.

SATURDAY Run. I went outside again… and had an AWFUL TIME. UGH. This was legit a struggle to get through 3 miles, and my mind just kept quitting on me.

Needless to say, I couldn’t shake off my mental struggle enough to run on Sunday, and just gave up for the week, shrugging off my Sunday run.

So, yes. It’s time to work with a coach.

Every 30-something needs… a new identity.

- Mel

For the last year and a half, I’ve been juggling a job, school full-time — and for a long duration of that, playing roller derby, which often felt like another part-time job. For most of last year, I was burned out and stressed out and any other down-and-out emotion you could tack on. My relationship was a wreck. I was a wreck. My poor house was a wreck. I started to come to peace with having to give something up. If I can be completely frank, I don’t have to work, but I choose to because it gives me purpose and makes me feel more like a partner in a household rather than… well, I don’t know what the opposite of that is. Plus, my own money dot com like a responsible 30-something. School is my future self, and I’ve been working too hard and too long to go back now. I initially gave up my volunteering role, which I miss immensely.

Derby was the final decision. It’s something that I struggled to come to terms with — that loss of identity from playing a sport that I’d participated in for 4.5 years. The irony is, once I made the decision to retire, I found a much more whole and authentic identity that has made me happier than I ever imagined.

That’s weird, right?

IDENTITY was my word for 2015, as I faced a lot of my fears about change and leaving behind an old me that didn’t fit any longer. I ended January with a new job, loss of a job in which I was employed for three years (but that was making me miserable), a retirement from a sport that I loved to play (but hated the drama that came along with it), and a calm and “free time” that I had all but forgotten about.

After attending a home game this past weekend, I miss the sport and (most) people a lot, but I have residual damage. Derby opened up the opportunity to embrace my authentic self, and at the same time, made me feel more unsettled about who I was. Who I AM is taking some time to recognize. I’m getting there.

Maybe some day I’ll get to that point of lacing my skates back up again. But does that mean going back to a part of me that doesn’t exist anymore? Is that the opposite of progress — or the celebration of it?

Motivation. And puking.

- Mel

There was a moment I thought my knees would give out. And when I puked in my mouth leaning over to gasp for breath (ew, the sweet, sweet burn of blueberry waffles, banana and peanut butter). I also had a throbbing headache, coinciding with dizzyness (probably getting sick… again). And then i had to run to dry heave into the rink toilets when it was all over. Yeah, I pushed myself.

I still hear the voice of my junior high cross country coach, telling me that if I throw up at the finish line, I get a cheeseburger. I guess that meant then that we pushed ourselves just enough. I threw up a lot that season.

I not only passed my roller derby assessments; I nailed them. Surpassed all requirements, so that I can try out in January for our league’s A (Varsity) team.

I am endlessly amazed at what this 30-something body can do.