At yoga last week, a friend commented on how much I’ve changed in a year. We attend this weekly community yoga class lead by the awesome Ben Spellman (Good Vibes Yoga, for those not in the know) – and his classes typically start by introducing yourself to others in the room accompanied by a hug.

The thought of giving hugs to strangers one year ago made me shiver in ick and roll my eyes at the general woo-woo feelings of it all. I generally stayed around my own mat, hugging a couple friends and awkwardly received a few strangers but ultimately felt really, really uncomfortable. I play a contact sport where I have to actively touch my teammates and they sweat all over me and yet I was wrapped in anxiety over a stranger giving me a hug.

That was last year. If you meet me at one of those yoga sessions now, I am actively seeking out people I don’t know in the room and freely giving hugs. #sorrynotsorry

Doing this small act had a big impact on me. Getting over the weirdness of it was a first step; gaining the happiness and connectedness over doing so was a far greater and deeper soul-enriching benefit.

The theme that keeps coming up for me, when reflecting on this last year and brainstorming on how I want 2019 to go, is: DOING. As in, DOING THE WORK.

Or maybe, likely, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I’m trying not to have an existential crisis this year, but at times it feels like it. Because I am 41 (howwwwww is my birthday already 4 months away again?!), it is likely sprinkled with a dose of Erikson’s stagnation stage and a dash of a midlife crisis.

By the time I close out 2019, I will be 42 AND done with grad school. Now, I don’t know if that means I’ll have my actual degree yet (because internship hours and completed/approved thesis and what-not), but my actual coursework will be completed. I have to do the work, else I won’t be prepared to present my thesis or pass my oral exam. Or be prepared for any of my upcoming internships. Or to DO THE ACTUAL WORK that comes after completing my degree in sport psychology. What will my consultant business look like? What type of athletes will I be working with? What other state certifications or licensure might I need?

Doing the work also includes incorporating some of the mental skills training techniques into my OWN athletic pursuits. I’m aiming to complete another half marathon this year (Drake Road Races in April) – maybe a marathon in the fall if I stay healthy. And I’m back to playing roller derby in 2019! I’m also doing my first barbell competition this year. And I’m signing up for my first women’s 9-hole golf league. 😬

I think a lot about doing the work, but rarely sit down and take the time to, you know, actually do it.

2018 tested my strength and purpose a lot. When my anxiety is triggered in certain situations — my self-worth in danger — I often relied upon my safety behaviors of avoidance. Like, I wanted to quit everything… including grad school. And not because I didn’t want to learn and pursue this new career, but because it was hard and I was exposed and my intelligence was challenged. Too often in my life I have followed the easy path because of its soft blanket of comfort. And 2018 was finally when I started therapy to change these maladaptive behaviors. I plan to continue this work into 2019. I go to sessions weekly, and together with my therapist we’re challenging a lot of stuff that is uncomfortable (and a lot of times, incredibly sad and defeating when it comes to my core beliefs). Talking about going to therapy and my social anxiety openly – and DOING the work of therapy – has honestly been really helpful. Wrapped in a bow, those ideas summarize what I plan to do more of in 2019 – be more open, more vulnerable…

And give more hugs.

Extra credit:
Want to track your habits? There’s an app for that. But it might not be as effective as you think. {via Vox}
Science says you need more hugs. {via Time}
How to balance Learning and Doing {via For the Interested} for THIS truth gem: “Learning is tempting because it’s hard to “fail” at it. This also makes it an attractive place to hide from the more important work of doing — work that likely will include failure.”