Women on Adventures

Groups in Des Moines that helped me make friends as a transplant (in my 40s)

- Mel

It still feels weird when I think of myself as a 40-something blogger. But here I am! Why is that important? I’ve seen a few article floating around the shared spaces about how difficult it is to find friends once you’re X, Y, or Z. The most recent of which is WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS AT 40?

RAYGUN_Des Moines - there it is map
There we are! {Postcard art from RAYGUN}

Your mileage may vary, I suppose, but I have found the “trick” to be that you have to be intentional about friendships at a later age. It is important to put yourself into new situations (yes, that often means going to things alone; from someone with social anxiety, I cannot express how difficult but how important it is to do so). And also, maybe give up your presumptions that the next person you meet will be your new BFF. I’ve moved cities twice as a Grown Woman. Finding your “tribe” is important to belonging and overall mental health. Though, admittedly, depth in relationships is not really my strongest suit.

Again, YMMV.

Also, I should probably add: Is this just a female thing? That’s my worldview and experience, and this post will reflect that I like to hang out with other women. You know, boys and their cooties and all.

When I moved to Pittsburgh, I met all my friends via Twitter and Yelp. True story. I deleted my 300+ review Yelp profile before I moved to Des Moines, however, and Twitter since 2016 is quite possibly The Worst. Here are the communities that I happened to come across though (online and otherwise) that have helped me to connect to new people in Des Moines – with the benefit of making some great friends.

Capital Striders – Full disclosure, I’m on the board of this organization. But I’m on the board because I felt as though giving back to a community from which I gained so much (read: friends!) was incredibly valuable to me. If you like running, TRUST ME, you will find your accountability partners who will soon invite you to six-hour brunches. 😀

Women on Adventures – This is a national organization with a Des Moines outfit. I have truly met the most amazing women in this group, while getting the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and explore points of interest in Iowa. This is a “pay-for-your-friends” model, but there is a month-long freebie to check out what’s on the calendar and join the DSM group for your first adventure on the house. This group has also given me the place to meet people who are not just like me (aside from being female-identifying) and incorporates so many varied perspectives on adventure – which is really, really important for me. I’m looking forward to the things being planned for 2019!

Women Who Wine – Total accident that I connected with someone from WOA on a Bike & Brunch who then told me about this amazing group of women who like to drink wine. Monthly meet-ups with wine (duh!) and celebrate or support a woman and/or woman-owned businesses. I think I’ve made a 2-3 new friends at every event of theirs! Again, there is a cost associated to attend the events, but they are super fun. And did I mention there is wine?

Have you found any fun groups to make friends in the Des Moines area? Share them in the comments!

Goals for April – and March Updates

- Mel

BIG FEAR has been a theme around which much of my goal work has focused. What am I afraid of? has been a constant in considering some of the reasons why I either a) don’t end up doing something or b) freaking out needlessly. I have neither the mission of letting others down or creating undue stress for myself. So, I persist in exploring why fear continues to come up for me.

Let’s recap first for March:

1. Find one day every other week – at least 2 hours – where I am working outside of my home. This did not happen this month; however, I DID leave the house quite a bit this month – just not with the intention of work.
2. Connect with a friend – old or new – each and every week. DONE. This small act has made me so happy this month!
3. Do 3 things out of my comfort zone this month. I didn’t necessarily keep track of the quantity but I kept the ultimate goal of getting out of my comfort zone as a recurring theme of the month. So much so, that I submitted an application to do a workshop at a youth camp and OMG I HAVE TO ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH THIS MONTH.
4. Visit one new local establishment, restaurant, shop, museum. Yes! My husband and I went to THREE new (to me) restaurants this month (801 Chophouse, Splash, and Aposto), and I met with friends at four new places (Gong Fu Tea, The Hall, The Wine Experience, and Z Mariks). I really took advantage of Spring Break. In April, I would like to do more than restaurant or drinking establishments.
5. Start a reflection journal for school. Ugh, I still haven’t started this. It’s now spring semester and will I ever? I need to explore more why I initially set this intention and haven’t been able to follow through. More to come on that reflection.
6. Publish a new One Word Project post. Yes! Read my latest post.

As I previously mentioned, spring quarter is in full swing. I am taking five classes – including starting my coursework for my corresponding Entrepreneurship Certificate. I’m excited about all my classes right now and I am also realistic that this workload doesn’t offer much “free” time to focus on other areas. And also, see #3 above where I have to create and implement a youth workshop. *gulp*

In any event, here is what I put together for April:

1. I am already doing a daily meditation – in fact, I am currently on a 54-day streak! That said, many of those times have been a OMG I’M IN BED AND I FORGOT TO DO MY MEDITATION. So I play the guided sleep meditation. Meditation is meditation (and this session in particular, while only a few minutes helps me sleep like a freaking baby)… BUT. I want to make it more of an intentional practice rather than another “thing to do” on my bedtime task list. So my goal is to at least 3x per week to do my meditation in the morning or afternoon for at least 10 minutes.

2. I want to visit the Des Moines Art Center, or a different gallery or see a new exhibition at least once this month.

3. Create and execute a (somewhat flawless) one-hour workshop!

4. I started making a Des Moines coffee shop list. There are SO MANY that I haven’t yet been. I’m already driving into downtown twice a week for physical therapy, so at least once a week, I’m going to hit one of those on my list.

5. Get my bike into Rasmussen for a season tune-up. I have a Women on Adventures event planned for the end of April, for which I’ll need my bike!

This sounds like a good place to start! What’s on your goal list for April?