Do something every day… until you don’t.

- Mel

I have engaged in several 30-day challenges – some more successful than others. Sure, there’s research that supports the impact that a certain amount of days you spend doing something helps it to become a habit. But there’s also research that supports that the “28-day rule” is crap and that depending on who you are that number could be 15 days or 51 days or maybe even 251 days. Point being, doing something every day to establish a habit is only good until you stop doing The Thing. And then if you’re like me, you completely fall off-the-rails and abandon The Thing altogether.

I had the intent of blogging every day in November because I truly missed regular blogging. I made it 14 days in a row before I completely forgot – with a futile attempt at logging into my phone from bed on Day 15 to get up SOMETHING, and wholly unable to log into WordPress via mobile app and unwilling to leave the comfort of flannel sheets to find my laptop. And here we are on Day 23 – almost 10 days without blogging again.

A similar story occurs with my goal of getting my running back more consistently. I was good for two weeks… and then didn’t run for an entire week. Blogging and running are things that I love to do, so why am I not making them the priority?

Can I blame everything on grad school?

In any event, this post is an effort for me to get on track with regular posting again. Man, do I hate Blog Apology Posts, so I won’t do that here (nor do I even have the audience to warrant such impossible perfection). NaBlowWriMo was not a success for me this year. Though an important lesson is one in which I previously mentioned: I am doing things because I love to do them, not because I have to justify to others my availability, my presence, my attendance, or my priorities. In the meantime, I will be exploring and reflecting a bit more on how I get habits to stick. Kinda like how I never forget to have my coffee every morning, amirite?

How do you build habits? What tricks work for you to maintain those new habits?

Groups in Des Moines that helped me make friends as a transplant (in my 40s)

- Mel

It still feels weird when I think of myself as a 40-something blogger. But here I am! Why is that important? I’ve seen a few article floating around the shared spaces about how difficult it is to find friends once you’re X, Y, or Z. The most recent of which is WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS AT 40?

RAYGUN_Des Moines - there it is map
There we are! {Postcard art from RAYGUN}

Your mileage may vary, I suppose, but I have found the “trick” to be that you have to be intentional about friendships at a later age. It is important to put yourself into new situations (yes, that often means going to things alone; from someone with social anxiety, I cannot express how difficult but how important it is to do so). And also, maybe give up your presumptions that the next person you meet will be your new BFF. I’ve moved cities twice as a Grown Woman. Finding your “tribe” is important to belonging and overall mental health. Though, admittedly, depth in relationships is not really my strongest suit.

Again, YMMV.

Also, I should probably add: Is this just a female thing? That’s my worldview and experience, and this post will reflect that I like to hang out with other women. You know, boys and their cooties and all.

When I moved to Pittsburgh, I met all my friends via Twitter and Yelp. True story. I deleted my 300+ review Yelp profile before I moved to Des Moines, however, and Twitter since 2016 is quite possibly The Worst. Here are the communities that I happened to come across though (online and otherwise) that have helped me to connect to new people in Des Moines – with the benefit of making some great friends.

Capital Striders – Full disclosure, I’m on the board of this organization. But I’m on the board because I felt as though giving back to a community from which I gained so much (read: friends!) was incredibly valuable to me. If you like running, TRUST ME, you will find your accountability partners who will soon invite you to six-hour brunches. 😀

Women on Adventures – This is a national organization with a Des Moines outfit. I have truly met the most amazing women in this group, while getting the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and explore points of interest in Iowa. This is a “pay-for-your-friends” model, but there is a month-long freebie to check out what’s on the calendar and join the DSM group for your first adventure on the house. This group has also given me the place to meet people who are not just like me (aside from being female-identifying) and incorporates so many varied perspectives on adventure – which is really, really important for me. I’m looking forward to the things being planned for 2019!

Women Who Wine – Total accident that I connected with someone from WOA on a Bike & Brunch who then told me about this amazing group of women who like to drink wine. Monthly meet-ups with wine (duh!) and celebrate or support a woman and/or woman-owned businesses. I think I’ve made a 2-3 new friends at every event of theirs! Again, there is a cost associated to attend the events, but they are super fun. And did I mention there is wine?

Have you found any fun groups to make friends in the Des Moines area? Share them in the comments!

Random Memories from First Grade

- Mel

Can you remember things from as far back as grade school? I have a few very fuzzy memories of kindergarten but my brain really wanted to hold onto some random memories from first grade. Maybe it was because it was Catholic school and the nuns want to continue to punish me.

There’s this meme that gets passed around Facebook often in the vein of “you were a child of the 70s and 80s if you remember this.” And it’s a picture of Rainbow Parachute Day. EVERYBODY loved parachute day as a kid…

Unless you were me and it triggered the memory of being locked inside a racquetball room in the gym of your Catholic school before cell phones were invented.

Time is a funny thing. With the passing of many, many years the details get murkier about how long we spent in that locked room. It could have been two minutes, it could have been 20. It could have been 2 hours. What I do remember is someone (maybe the gym teacher?) attempting to MacGyver the door lock with a shoelace.

If you can believe it, there is something even MORE triggering about Catholic school and gym days. Brown shorts and yellow shirts. So fug. We had no access to the bathrooms and were required to change in the room in front of everyone – gender separated thank Jesus – with the boys (of course) peeking into the classroom window frequently enough that they were reprimanded against doing so. Which then made us very aware that this was A Thing.

You know what else was A Thing? Me getting sent to the principal’s (head nun’s?) office because I dared to wear unapproved colored socks with my hideously-colored plaid school uniform.

Then, as in now, you can’t get me to follow your silly fashion rules.

But a rule that I will continue to follow based on my first grade experience is to never look directly at the sun during a solar eclipse. The end.

Extra Reading:
This is where your childhood memories went {via Nautilus}

Will Run For Chocolate Milk

- Mel

It’s no secret in my circles that I love chocolate milk. Sunday morning, I ran a Chocolate Milk Chug Mile (very on brand for me) — AND I PR’D MY MILE RACE! I don’t share too much anymore about my running (and my associated running struggles), but wanted to share this celebrious event. Today was a great day for a run in Iowa!

View this post on Instagram

🥛🍫 WILL RUN FOR CHOCOLATE MILK (and hot chocolate) 🍫🥛 This morning I participated in the Hot Chocolate Race’s Chocolate Milk Chug Mile (because, duh 💁🏻‍♀️). Mile runs are HARD. But chocolate milk is awesome. I had to double-check my Athlinks account afterward to even check what my one mile PR was… AND I FREAKING PR’D IT TODAY. My previous one mile PR was from the Liberty Mile in Pittsburgh in 2015 (I ran 8:10). Today, I finished in 7:37. Holy crap! 😱😱😱 Totally unexpected start to the day. And then I went to Browns Woods for two loops with my fellow 🦃🦃🦃 #willrunforchocolatemilk #builtwithchocolatemilk #iprdtoday #runiowa #trailrunning #chugandrun #capitalstridersturkeys #100milechallenge #100stridersmiles

A post shared by Auntie Smell (@melliesmel) on

HOORAY, CHOCOLATE MILK!

Extra Reading:
How we fell out of love with milk {via The Guardian, also #fakenews, also BLASPHEMY}
This 94-year-old “Candy Man” of Iowa gives out Hershey chocolate bars every day 😭😭😭 {via Des Moines Register}

Coffee Shop of the Week: Freedom Blend Coffee

- Mel

I’m on a quest to try all the coffee shops in the Des Moines area. Read my introduction post.

I’m very fond of the extra moments that I have in the “in-between.” There’s a certain peace and slowness that goes with having an hour or hour-and-a-half to kill – and the total lack of desire (or sensibility) to drive all the way home to just drive all the way back again. That is how I found myself at Freedom Coffee in Des Moines a few weeks ago.

: Freedom Blend Coffee :

Freedom Blend was originally on my list because I heard that they had gluten-free doughnuts for sale. They sell, like, THREE OR FOUR KINDS of gluten-free doughnuts (sourced by another company – I’m pretty sure they’re from Sweet Treats Without the Wheat based on all their doughnuts I’ve had at the Farmer’s Market). More importantly, they have a seasonal coffee menu. And more importantly than that, their overall mission of their business rounds out all the reasons why I will continue to have this coffee place on my regular tour.

From Freedom Blend’s webpage:

Several years ago, a study on the number of jobs available to teens in the inner city of Des Moines showed approximately 42 job types (newspaper carriers, fast food, etc.) An additional study revealed that adults held more than half of these jobs, proving that job development was crucial if we wanted to help young people break the generational poverty cycle. This was the driving force behind the founding of Freedom Blend Coffee in 2011 by Freedom for Youth.

freedom blend coffee des moines
WGW on PSL (aka: White Girl Wasted on Pumpkin Spice Lattes #noshame)

When going to Freedom Blend for the first time, I actually passed it… because it didn’t outwardly look like your typical coffee place (the building is HUGE!). It was cool to learn a little bit of the history of the building (it was a former car wash!) and the history of how it got its start (roasting and selling beans). The coffee shop opened in 2017.

I’m pretty low-maintenance when it comes to getting coffee, but because of my food restrictions, I have to double-check ingredients and such. The barista went above-and-beyond to confirm my selections – and did so with probably as much joy as I had in learning that I was able to have what I wanted. My experience at Freedom Blend was so positive and more than just the coffee left me feeling warm and cozy. Their location is out of the way for any of my regular commutes, but I plan to drive out of my way more often.

Freedom Blend Coffee
2329 Hickman Road, Des Moines 50310
Hours: Mon-Thurs 6am-6pm | Fri-Sat 6am-9pm
IG: @FreedomBlendCoffee | FB: Freedom Blend Coffee

Things I didn’t get to do in Pittsburgh

- Mel

It is interesting when I reflect upon my time in Pittsburgh and think about the various things that I didn’t get the chance to do while we lived there for six years. Comparatively, I scan my “Iowa Bucket List” for the short-term as we are nearing the three-year mark of being Midwest transplants.

Here are the surprises that came up for me about Pittsburgh:

I never went to the zoo. I worked at the National Aviary (essentially, a bird zoo, for those not in the know) for three years, and yet I never traveled to the east end of town to visit the city’s zoo. I had plans definitely once and canceled because of weather. Maybe twice because I used to flake out on people a lot. Spending time at the zoo is a frequent destination for us when we are traveling. I LOVE the Henry Doorly zoo in Omaha. And I have a membership to Blank Park Zoo here in Des Moines. It’s still weird to think about that I never visited the zoo in Pittsburgh.

Art museum. Same as with the zoo, I never went to the art museum in Pittsburgh. Now, I spent a lot of time at the Mattress Factory and the Warhol Museum – but never the Carnegie Museum of Art. Though I parked in front of it once! Again, we travel and frequently go to art museums in other cities. AND I’ve been to the art center here in Des Moines several times casually and for a few events. I also missed the Degas exhibit at CMA before I moved and that still makes me sad.

Yoga on a pod on Mount Washington. I’ve been on the pods when entertaining out-of-town visitors, and I ran up the hill to Mount Washington the weekend before I moved away – but the yoga on the Mount looked like such an amazing experience. If I ever go back to Pittsburgh during the warmer months, I’ll have to connect with that instructor to ensure I have a mat space. I’ve been to a few fun outdoor yoga events here in Iowa, and I look forward to upcoming opportunities to practice in interesting places.

Go to the overlook in the west end. A friend once told me that the West End overlook was the best view in town. I would have to agree solely on my many travels over the West End Bridge. But I never did quite figure out how to get to the overlook (and I very likely didn’t try hard enough). What do you think is the best viewpoint of Des Moines?

The observatory on the north side. I literally lived within walking distance. This makes me greatly sad. I’ve signed up to be reminded of the sky parties here in Des Moines. And I put a telescope on my Christmas list again. 😀

Big butler county fair and school bus smash derby. Man, demolition derby is SO much fun. And taking that up a notch to smashing school buses just sounds like the best thing ever. I imagine that there is demo derby here in Iowa, but I haven’t actively sought it out. I still haven’t even been to the State Fair yet… and I’m really interested in catching some of those cart races.

My Favorite Podcasts

- Mel

I’m looking for a few new additions to my podcast list. What are you listening to and enjoy and would recommend? I know that is a very loaded question, as podcast requests are as individualized as the genres of books we read. I already listen to way too many long-form shows – so, looking for episodes that are regularly less than an hour long (but even better if the show trends closer to half of that run time). I have 169 Unplayed episodes queued up right now, and regularly delete those that are three months out-of-date (unless there’s a guest that I really, REALLY want to (eventually) listen to)… sooo, maybe I shouldn’t download anything new? In any event, maybe you’ll find something new to listen to here!

podcast header blog reviews

Here’s what is on my regular rotation (as you will read, I have various moods and interests):
Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette*
99% Invisible (I mean, who DOESN’T love Roman Mars’ voice?)
The Psychology Podcast*
Sooo Many White Guys (which I think might be on extended hiatus?)
How I Built This
You Are Not So Smart
Sincerely, Hueman (uplifting stories, and easy-to-digest length)
Stuff You Should Know (sooooo many episodes; I’m totally backlogged!)
Hidden Brain
Finding Mastery with Michael Gervais
Freakanomics Radio

What I listen to more infrequently:
You Almost Had It!
Everything is Alive
The BibRave Podcast
You Made it Weird (this is actually one of my FAVORITE podcasts because I am regularly LOL’ing but the episodes are kinda long at 2+ hours, and I have been procrastinating on their priority)
Recode Decode
Armchair Expert (I like this show a lot and mostly save the episodes for long road trips because they are really fun interviews)

Series that I am currently enjoying:
The Dream (about MLM – it’s SO GOOD)
Happy Face (if you’re into murder-type series; this one is interesting, coming from the daughter’s perspective of her father being the Happy Face Killer)

Series that I finished in whole and would wholly recommend:
Atlanta Monster
Heaven’s Gate

What is currently on my list and I’ve yet to get into:
Slow Burn (Season 2)
Longform Podcast
Yo, Is This Racist?
Hell and Gone

I wish Apple Podcasts kept a record of the shows I’ve deleted out of boredom, disinterest in the hosts, or irritation at unbalanced sound levels because OMG there are so many terrible ones out there.

*I financially support these podcasts via Patreon because I positively believe in doing so. And if more podcasts went this patron-backer route, I totally would give up more of my money!

Fall into Iowa (Because Winter is Coming)

- Mel

Snow is in this week’s forecast! I’ve already seen flurries at least once and it was not of much significance. But with temperatures falling to a possible FIFTEEN DEGREES, there’s a chance this might stick for a bit. At least until it’s 40 again over the weekend. I’ve barely opened my apple cider – and YES, my Halloween lights are still up.

november snow showers

I’m one of those weird people who positively loves the approach of winter (but maybe I don’t have the same fondness for my ugly winter tires). Playing outside in the snow feels like being a kid again. I love trail running in the snow. I miss my snowmobile so much (and always tempted to get another one). Last year I purchased a saucer to use on our back hill. Growing up on Lake Erie, I’m used to getting dumped on in terms of snow accumulation – like, when it snowed in Ashtabula, it would snow 3 feet. Iowa finally gave me a bunch of snow last winter. What Iowa also gives is an unholy wind chill. On New Year’s Day last year, it was negative 30-something. So, as I do every New Year’s Day, I joined my fellow runners. My Garmin died because of the cold. My eyelashes froze into mini icicles. At times, it was painfully cold. But it was one of those things I had never experienced, and I had to know what -34 felt like.

Iowa’s got nothing on Cleveland Lake Effect.

In looking for more ways to enjoy the cold winters in Iowa, I have been on the hunt for clothing items that will resist those sub-zero wind chills. Spoiler alert: Most winter gear is shit and rated to only, like, 20 degrees F. This search also includes what fun outdoor activities I can enjoy. I already enjoy trail running, and I have snow shoeing on my “winter bucket list.” I’ve also been kind of obsessed with fat bikes – especially seeing them out in snowy conditions, so I went to Rassy’s and “test drove” one last week. I’m pretty sure you’re going to find me on two wheels this winter on the Des Moines trails… but you might not recognize me under all the layers.

What outdoor activities do you do in the Iowa winters? SHOW ME YOUR LAYERS!

The One Word Project: This post is INTENTIONAL

- Mel

Continuing on the theme of goals this week… This word was self-selected through a series of goal-setting exercises in March. This theme of intent kept coming up like a random word generator lottery winner.

intentional one word project

Definition of intention, per Merriam-Webster:

1 : a determination to act in a certain way : RESOLVE
2 : IMPORT, SIGNIFICANCE
3a : what one intends to do or bring about
b : the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered
4 : a process or manner of healing of incised wounds
5 : CONCEPT
especially : a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge
6 intentions plural : purpose with respect to marriage

“The process or manner of healing of incised wounds.” OUCH. PSA: Do not google the differences between lacerations and incised wounds.

The thesaurus tells me that I am calculated, willful, and deliberate. I am nothing if not determined, despite my weaknesses and wounds (using as a metaphor for emotional scarring seems apropos here despite MW wanting to grammar correct me). I am intentional – even if I DO NOT PULL IT OFF (emphasis stolen from Vocabulary.com). I am excited by challenge, to achieve something new, change for the sake of change, and ultimately determined to see things through. I am not always a success. That’s OK. I think I’ve lost sight of this in the last few months, distracted by my safety behaviors of escaping and avoidance to prevent me from judgment of others – and worse, rejection from them.

So, what is my overall intention? To stick with something, ask for help when I need it, and see through the difficulties to finish what I started. Yes, I’m looking at you, grad school.

What is the One Word Project? I asked some people in my life to describe me/sum me up in one word to explore areas of strengths and for personal/professional development. I plan to make this part of a regular (and evolving) series and will continue to ask those around me to participate. Read other One Word posts.

Did I make any goals this year?

- Mel

The approach of July had me thinking about personal mid-year reviews… and after writing down a few things on a to-do list, I didn’t do much reflection beyond that. With the onslaught of social media messages of WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LAST 90 DAYS and the like (I guess we’re now onto the last 60, fml, and fuck these online Influencers), there seems to be a death march to accomplish All The Things before you pop that bottle on 12/31/18 at 11:59 p.m.

goal setting FML
What the fuck am I doing?

Am I doing in 2018 what I set out to do at the beginning of the year?

Did I even set any resolutions?

What did I anticipate to happen this year?

How many times did I utter FML?

And if I didn’t blog about it, was any of it true?

Bullshit upon bullshit, etc. etc.

OH BUT WAIT. You were also supposed to make some goals on your birthday, dumbass. Or is it your half-birthday? And say “yes” more. Or less, depending on your flavor of Instagram motivational messages.

I’ll tell you what my personal death march is: finishing this damn degree and anticipating a return to the workplace. FML, I miss having a paycheck.

And then there’s the death march back to the start line after finishing only 13 miles of a 31-mile race. F. M. L.

Did I resolve to not swear as much this year? 🙄🙄🙄

I also have to death march back to therapy because my social anxiety and perfectionism is hell bent on destroying my attempts at achieving even just a little bit of success. Is there a joke about perfectionism and resolutions? Because I feel like there has to be one in there. I’ll ask my therapist. Speaking of therapy and social anxiety — most of which is rooted in rejection or the perception of rejection — I was rejected by four other potential therapists before finding one who would take me on as a new client. I realize that you can only control what you can control, but maybe find less rejection in your life, okay?

I guess that I did make some goals for March, April, and May. Is it a coincidence that I stopped making them after my birthday in May?

Oh crap, my half-birthday is in a few days…

Extra Reading
An Open Letter to Those Who Have No Ambition, No Goals, and No Dreams. {via A Conscious Rethink}
100 Days with No Goals {via The Minimalists}