Every 30-something needs: comfortable shoes!

It seems like every year, I’m asking all my fashion and beauty people for good recommendations for shoes — I’m talking comfortable boots for women, appropriate for the 30-something city person who walks everywhere, even in inclement weather (hello, Fall!). Because I am a sucker for comfort above all things.

This is where I insert a picture of a stylish, comfortable-looking boot. One that fits all my criteria. Notice how this space remains noticeably picture-free.

An uncomfortable foot is an uncomfortable person. FACT.
Hashtag, shoe therapy.

My checklist is:
No heels.
Real leather — footwear that will eventually “mold” to my foot. Not patent leather either. Nothing plastic-looking.
Low- or mid-calf height — that will. not. sag.
Not ugly.
And not those fuzzy UGGS, for that matter. C’mon, I’m 36, not 16!
COMFORTABLE FOR WALKING SEVERAL CITY BLOCKS IN ONE EVENING.
No heels!
Bonus: warm.
Bonus, bonus: won’t upset my bank account too terribly.

But seriously, people. I AM WILLING TO PAY.

I typically get a few of those from the list, but never the full package. I don’t need a snow boot, since I rotate between my Hunters (with liners) and Sperry’s on wet and flurry days. The Hunters are stylish, yes, but not easy on the feet for long walks — even with insoles. I love my cross trainers, but I haven’t signed away my life to yoga pants and tennis shoes. Yet. I find a cute pair, but they’re cheap; I find a slightly-expensive pair, and they’re ugly. Most often, I succumb to the cheap, but then I get one season out of them.

Why can’t I be stylish AND comfortable? And why can I still not find the right pair of boots? So, spill it, 30-somethings: what boots are your fave?

Weekly Therapy: a change will do you good is SO cliche, but SO true.

the week:
YAY, new hair! No joke, it’s been somewhere between 8-10 months since I’ve had my hair cut OR colored. Embarrassing. Also why you’ve been likely to see me sporting a pony tail for the last 6 months. I needed a new stylist too, and finally… FINALLY I found one that I love! It only took me two canceled appointments and waiting for the end of derby season for me to see her. I swear if she moves, I will hunt her down for trims and touch-ups.

weekend:
I’m running a race on Saturday morning. What was I thinking?! Oh, yeah… apple crisp.

Sunday, work. Then… DERBY! THAT I’M NOT PLAYING! It’s our home teams season opener, and to be honest, I’m excited about being on the spectator side.

52 Books in 52 Weeks:
Did I tell you that I lost my Kindle charger? Yeah… this is three things in the last three months that have left me perplexed. Luckily, a helpful twitter person told me that an Android charger would work. We didn’t have any of those things around the house, but found a random charger with a Microsoft-looking logo on it (maybe it’s a Blackberry, I don’t know). The hell, IT WORKED!

seven things, seven days:
1. Alladin’s falafel wrap: my last meal, please.
2. The Pirates run has ended — but OH, what a season! Looking forward to see what this team can do next year. GO BUCS!
3. Naked 2 eyeshadow palette now in my possession! (after a much-needed old makeup dump)
4. I also did another closet dump too.
5. And then I moved around my entire dining room BY MYSELF. Because, no derby season means BOREDOM, apparently. But also: living spaces as inspired by Pinterest.
6. Has anyone local tried Pittsburgh Fresh? I’m SERIOUSLY considering the service, especially that it’s paleo-friendly and locally-sourced meals. I have a problem when it comes to healthy lunches.
7. Which of the four “romantic archetypes” define you (and what do men find attractive about each type)? {via PyschCentral}

World Mental Health Day: aging & mental illness

mental-health-day-blogToday is World Mental Health Day, and as a community we’re focusing on mental illnesses and the elderly. It’s something that might not affect us now in our 30s, or even something we want to think about, but definitely something that we should be conscious of — in both our personal struggles and taking care of our aging family members.

From the Dallas Morning News, Pamela Yip lays out the worldwide problem:

By 2050, people over the age of 60 will outnumber children under the age of 15 for the first time in history.

The index compiles data from the U.N., World Health Organization, World Bank and other global agencies. It analyzes income, health, education, employment and age-friendly environments in each country.

The report ranks the social and economic well-being of elders in 91 countries, with Sweden coming out on top and Afghanistan at the bottom.

The U.S. ranked eighth.

This is a huge wake-up call for all of us to find new ways to support and sustain the bulging population of seniors that will be among us.

Thanks to modern medicine, we’re living longer. And while mental illnesses are treatable, most of the worldwide health care systems are not prepared for this population of aging seniors — especially in the U.S. Up to 5.3 million Americans currently have Alzheimer’s disease, and by 2050 the number is expected to more than double. Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States and is the fifth leading cause among persons age 65 and older.

The Carter Center has worked for decades in tackling the challenges in our mental health care system. “Mental illness affects all of us, but there are still many myths and misconceptions about these disorders,” said former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who founded the Carter Center’s Mental Health Program in 1991.

Seniors are coping with a number of major life changes: retirement, financial burdens, loss of health or mobility, loss of social support and death of loved ones. Older adults also can experience hallucinations and paranoia, but their symptoms are masked by other ailments — most often, dementia. The isolation, anxiety and depression that are caused by these changes are often endured for long periods of time. Undiagnosed, the elderly endure a significant and long struggle — and delayed treatment.

As some of you know, I dealt with the loss of my grandmother this year. She struggled with the onset of Alzheimer’s for several years before seeking treatment (at the urging of family members). Alzheimer’s doubles for every five years of age after 60, and by the time someone reaches 85, the chance of developing this condition is 50-50. While my grandmother was eventually receiving treatment, she sustained irreversible damage. The approved treatments for Alzheimer’s are designed to enhance the communication between nerve cells. In some individuals, this will lessen the symptoms; however, these treatments will not prevent the progression of the disease.

From the CDC, which recognizes dementia and Alzheimer’s disease as a mental illness:

Dementia is an umbrella term for a group of cognitive disorders typically characterized by memory impairment, as well as marked difficulty in the domains of language, motor activity, object recognition, and disturbance of executive function – the ability to plan, organize, and abstract. Generally speaking, dementia is an illness of older adults, which suggests that as successive cohorts of our population live longer, the urgency to better address dementia increases. Medications addressing pathologies in neurotransmission underlying dementia have been used with modest – and generally short-term — success in forestalling the usual progression of these disorders.

Sadly, there is no cure for the genetic disease. But there are means to diagnose and treat elderly patients who are experiencing depressive symptoms that often mimic those of dementia. Likewise, there are a few studies that suggest certain behaviors might lessen the risk of developing the disease: increase in physical activity, maintaining social engagement and participating in intellectually-stimulating events.

As a community, we need to take this information to heart, when acknowledging our aging family members — seeking help or providing assistance for the elderly that may be dealing with mental illness.

World Mental Health Day is promoted by the World Health Organization to help raise awareness about mental health issues. The day promotes open discussion of mental disorders, and what the world’s governments and health organizations are doing in prevention, promotion and treatment services.

Weekend DIY: spray paint something!

I was looking for something tall to “anchor” my fireplace mantel.

So for my most recent (which seems already like so long ago) weekend DIY project, I spray painted a few branches. First, I let them dry out in the basement for a few days. Considering I saw these black branches at West Elm for $30/piece, this is one easy — and cheap! — decorating project for Fall. In this case, the branches fell onto my property AND I already had shiny black spray paint AND needed to fill this red vase.

Cost: FREE!

mantel

This DIY took me all of 20 minutes of my 30-something schedule. In all honesty, it took me longer to “style” the mantel.

Note: I had pictures of this project mid-spray paint, but apparently deleted them in my iPhone update purge (which I STILL haven’t been able to do). *groan* You get the idea. Now, to decorate my mantel FOR REAL for Fall. Need some Pinspiration

Picture found (lame haha):
spraypaint sticks

Update! Here’s my first step in updating my mantel for Fall (I was feeling motivated last night):

halloween mantel fireplace

I grabbed my raven bookends, some books with scary themes or covers, and a few Halloween-themed accessories. I also changed around the pictures displayed up there — took down the large black-and-white artwork that my boyfriend and I BOTH hate. Using a few framed and unframed pieces of art that have been left unhung since we painted the interior of the house (another to-do for another day), I added some height and different textures. I still think I need something round up there — maybe a bowl or something?

Did you work on any of your own Weekend DIY projects this past weekend?

Weekend Therapy: traveling for something other than roller derby feels weird.

the week:
Holy crap, THE SORENESS. Good sore, but still. I’m working out with the regular athletes and doing real WODs now, and O.M.G. But my post-workout exclamations go something like this: I JUST PRESSED A BAR! I JUST SQUATTED WITH WEIGHT ON THE BAR! I JUST DEADLIFTED 50 POUNDS! I JUST CLEARED A 30″ BOX JUMP!

Drinking the kool-aid, and loving every drop.

Also, how about them Pirates?!

Living near the stadiums, we could hear the roars of the fans stream through the windows during the wild card game. IT’S SO AWESOME! Though I’m an Indians fan at heart (sad trombone), it’s hard not to rally behind the Bucs and their success.

weekend:
Road trip to Columbus for friends and fun! (and the President’s Cup) I have plans for dinners, plans for brunches… and I’m looking forward to some room service (and possibly an in-room massage) too. FOR REAL.

52 Books in 52 Weeks:
Definitely not meeting the goal this year, as I started around Thanksgiving last year… and have only finished, like, 20 books. DO BETTER. But no time like the present to start again!
#1. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

seven things, seven days:
1. I signed up for two upcoming 5Ks. *gulp* The one next weekend ends in HOT APPLE CRISP, which… I’m so easy.
2. Scored a couple items from Poshmark this week. I am obsessed with window shopping the app (and have been finding some amazing deals).
3. See also, it was time to do a closet and makeup drawer purge — soooo, I finally purchased the Naked 2 palette.
4. A carafe-less coffee pot is the answer to all my coffee-making prayers!
5. My left pinky finger still hurts from two weeks ago (derby injury, natch). It hasn’t really impacted my workouts, but when I set my hand down or smash it into something… YEOWCH. Putting a timeline on it for healing before seeking our urgent care.
6. Our neighbor invited us to a Sundays meatballs dinner (they’re rumored to be award winning). One of the guests was the contractor who remodeled their BEAUTIFUL home… and built their amazing rooftop deck. WANT.
7. Gender as non-fiction in The Atlantic {shared via Dan Savage (*swoon*)}

The Psychology of Insecurity: Where Does Self-hatred Come From?

When you think of insecurity, you probably imagine all kinds of things, from shy men and women who have trouble talking to the opposite sex to bullies who need to harass kids on the playground to feel better about themselves. Insecurity is a blanket definition for many problems in human behavior, and that makes sense because there are so many different types. Relationship insecurities, emotional insecurities, financial and job insecurities, physical insecurities – the list goes on. According to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, one out of every 100 people now suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which means they develop an obsessive fixation on a small or imagined physical flaw. Nearly 80 percent of those suffering from this common mental health problem are suicidal for most of their lives. How does the human brain end up this way?

Are People Born Insecure?

The overwhelming answer is no. Nobody is born with a gene for self-hatred – it’s an environmental and cultural development that comes from your place in society and your experiences. But people are born with various different temperaments, and some of those temperaments may make them more vulnerable to insecurity than others. How insecure a person may be is not dependent on how they look or how wide their social circle is. Some people are naturally more reactive than others and absorb negative emotions at a higher rate. It’s easy to see this in the frontal lobe activity of children younger than five. It’s a myth, however, to think a tendency towards introversion equals insecurity. Someone can be born with a temperament that makes social interaction harder or less appealing, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like themselves.

The Impact of Parenting

The experiences men and women have in childhood shape the kind of adults they become, and it’s true that a large number of chronically insecure people were raised in abusive households where they were taught to think negative things about themselves from an early age. But not all abuse is so direct. You can feel insecure simply because your parents worked too much as a kid or had to divide their time among too many siblings. A child’s early identity formation is crucial, and if no one is around to teach them they are valuable, special, and loved, they can have a hard time feeling it later on. The same goes for children who are interested in vastly different things than their parents or may feel less attractive than their other family members. From an early age, you will latch on to a sense that your mother and father are disappointed in you.

Causes in Adults

Even if you never experienced self-hatred as a child, many adults find themselves in life situations where insecurity, depression, and suicidal thoughts can emerge. Most of these problems come from how people view their place in society and the comparisons with others everyone is prone to making. If you have less money and success than your peers, or if you are overweight or aging, you may lose the things you have been basing your self-worth on. Psychologists say it’s important for people to not only value themselves, but to value themselves for unique qualities. Therapy for insecure behavior is often centered around discovering your one-of-a-kind mark on the world as opposed to constantly comparing yourself to those around you. Insecurity in relationships is another huge pitfall for adults. Bad experiences can lead to neurotic or self-destructive behavior because you are basing your worth on another person’s opinion or love.

It’s difficult to pinpoint one underlying cause of insecurity. It can start in childhood or it can develop over time. It can cripple you mentally and emotionally, or it can simply make it hard to ask the girl at the bar for her number. But what really matters is that virtually everyone is insecure in one way or another. When you’re working to overcome to absorption of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself, remember that almost everyone you know has gone through the same battle.

Part-time counselor Brett Harris is an active supporter in his son’s school program against bullying. Check out the top 10 online masters in psychology degree programs http://www.bestpsychologydegrees.org/top-online-masters-in-psychology/that will help you launch a career as a school counselor.

Week(s) of Therapy: take some time for reflection and relaxation

the week:
With 3 wins out of 4 games in our Division 1 tournament in Asheville (whew, tough games!), our derby travel season for 2013 comes to a close. Bittersweet, knowing that some skaters won’t be returning next season. This was really an amazing (and long) year of roller derby. So proud to be part of this team and league. But also so ready to give my body a rest.

Also, Asheville? What a strange, and beautiful place.

asheville mountains biltmore

The Biltmore estate is incredible, however.

photo 1 photo 3

weekend:
I dunno… something about a Duck.

seven things, seven days:
1. Painful loss of a friend who had some struggles in recent years. I hope now that he’s found some peace. But it’s so tragic, and I’m still in shock.
2. Home & Garden tour in our neighborhood was a success! What we’ve labored over outdoors (and that will soon be covered in fall leaves and then snow) is completed and shown to hundreds of nebby strangers. 🙂
3. I had several emails about my submitted resume and phone calls from recruiters while I was gone. GAH! I can’t believe it, all at once.
4. Love, love, LOVE my new New Balance Minimus cross trainers; they are so light and comfortable (even with a weird food injury right now). They are made with Vibram style outsole, but without the separated toe thing. Maybe there’s something behind this barefoot running…
5. Completed my month-long CrossFit fundamentals classes (and did my first WOD with the regular class)! I’m totally pumped about it (and kinda getting used to the wake-up-at-5am thing).
6. As someone particularly interested in human sexuality, this Kinsey reporter app has incredible data about sexual behaviors. (And you can add your own!)
7. Do sexy breast cancer campaigns demean women? Short answer: yep. {via psychology today}

Want more group therapy throughout the week? Follow 30-something Therapy on Facebook.

Positively Awesome Cleveland Trip: Day Three

Day Three, and the last, in the series of my Positively Awesome trip to Cleveland. Check out day one and day two before reading on.

Day Three was a much shorter itinerary than the previous two: breakfast, activity, then released to explore on our own (most of us had to return home; I had to go back to Akron to pick up the boyfriend). I started my day with another incredible Americano at Erie Island coffee. Ooh, first check out my new jacket from Stitch Fix [affiliate link!] — totally a winner for this crisp, late-summer day in Cleveland!

jacket stitch fix delivery box

Our group breakfast was at Bon Bon Bakery in the Ohio City neighborhood, and the brunch was FANTASTIC. The table shared an “appetizer” of doughnuts. For my breakfast, I went the sweet route with French toast (that had sweet corn on it; weird, but oddly delicious!).

french toast

Afterward, we went back over to University Circle/Uptown to visit MOCA — a place that I was really hoping the fans of Positively Cleveland would recommend! We may have offset the actual decision of going to the Rock Hall, since most of us had already been there. MOCA did not disappoint! Not only is the building itself a stunner, but the collections were impressive.

MOCA cle

I was mesmerized by the Norton Furniture guy video installation… and finding penises in the artwork — which is, naturally, my forte (I may be 14 at heart, but joke’s on you… I found one!). The postcard exhibit was one of my favorites, anywhere; and the iTunes hallway a close second (we entered the stairwell to a full-on rave dance party, apparently, which was a total sensory overload of awesomeness).

MOCA bloggers

Another fun thing: in various locations around this part of Cleveland are themed pianos — available to play! — as part of the Play Me, I’m Yours series. This one was one outside MOCA on the sidewalk. I love interactive art, and this was something very unique to see (and hear). An older gentlemen stepped up and played some ragtime music by heart, just as we were walking into the museum. That’s the stuff.

play me piano moca

While I would have spent the entire afternoon at MOCA, there was a second activity planned — a visit to the Cleveland Botanical Gardens (there were signs for a Sunday sundae bar, which we didn’t stay for… but OMG that sounds amazing). Walking around, was a good time to unwind and get to know my fellow Pittsburgh blogger on the trip, The Steel Trap. And erase all the terrible memories I already had of the CBG (no fault of theirs; I attended a wedding there several years ago that I wish I could scrub from my brain — again, nothing to do with the location itself!).

Alas…

sensory bed BOTANICAL GARD

And then, in exhaustion and contentedness, our blogger trip was complete. I stopped into CLE clothing on my way out for a couple books and CLE/browns-colors t-shirts (conveniently located at the corner of Euclid and East 4th downtown). Thanks again to Positively Cleveland for the amazing trip — I really had a blast — and I can’t wait to return to explore even more Cleveland awesomeness.

Random shout out to the Sound 87.7, which kept me entertained with an awesome mix of music on my travels into/out of the city.

Disclosure: Positively Cleveland provided accommodations, meals and admission prices for my participation in this socially-driven trip. All opinions herein are my own.

Every 30-something needs… to feel beautiful in her own skin.

My blogger friend Terra of Stylish White Female started a great idea: to show off the bare naked faces of women to show that we ALL are beautiful. (follow along on twitter too: #barenaked)

She requested her female readers reveal their bare-skinned faces — no makeup, no fancy filters, no hiding behind hair — and I submitted my picture. Along with a horrible list of all the things wrong with my bare face. What’s weird is that I’m not self conscious about my body at all — but my face? Zero confidence. I see enlarged pores and saggy, sullen skin and under eye circles and red eye lids and sun damage (and sadly, now skin cancer scars)… and age. Even when I showed off my skin cancer scars and surgery pictures, I was hiding behind a mess of bruising and bandages.

Even hiding behind a pair of eye pads.
Even hiding behind a pair of eye pads.

The truth is: I DO NOT LIKE myself — my face — without makeup. Even less so as I get older.

Terra started an amazing project that hopefully prompts more women like me to love the skin we’re in. I’m trying… and her thoughtful response back to my list of negative comments honestly made me cry. I don’t know why I hate on my face so much — or why I’m struggling emotionally so much with aging — but her praise and encouragement made me reconsider how I see myself.

I’ve got some work to do, but I’m forever grateful for her doing such a project.

Weekly Therapy: rock me mama like a wagon wheel

the week:
Do you do the unthinkable in the name of fitness? Like, waking up at 5am to go to a 6am Crossfit class? Two sessions in, and I am totally hooked (also, very sore). Also, also? I squatted with a bar for the first time in my life (many squats!).

weekend:
HOOTIE! Going to see Darius Rucker Friday night — my first time at Stage AE — AND we’re scheduled for the preshow meet-and-greet.

hootie

Then I’m on “assignment” for the Steel City Big Pour. And then it’s the infamous waffle brunch at Fathead’s the next morning; ah, the sweet nectar of KBS. And hopefully CBS. How did yet another beer week sneak into my schedule?!

Sunday also marks the Steelers home opener… if you’re into that kind of thing, Pittsburgh. 😉

seven things, seven days:
1. Two nights out this week with various neighbors. So much white wine.
2. We’re signed up for the home & garden tour (the latter portion; we’re definitely not ready to show the inside) in our neighborhood and were hosted to a wonderful dinner this week.
3. Adding to that, we’ve got a new plan for the garden — and one week to finish it. I feel like I’m on a home decorating reality show, for real.
4. Somebody in the neighborhood said they thought the gray trim on my house was primer. And now I can’t stop thinking about it.
5. I lost my D&G sunglasses at some point in the last two weeks. So mad. Not going to admit that the shopping therapy for a new pair made me feel any better (buyer’s remorse again).
6. No remorse over my latest Stitch Fix [affiliate link] though! Once again, I loved EVERYTHING in it.
7. Don’t Panic! But Psychology isn’t always a science … but it can be. {via Mind Hacks}