life stuff

Farm Report: 10.5.18

- Mel

A few years ago, I started making a conscious effort in stopping use of the phrase: I’m so busy. Because, like, we all are. We’re busy with what we choose to prioritize in our lives – and that is OK. It looks different on all of us. There is a negative connotation with explaining to the world and answering “how’s life?” with “BUSY!” And, well, I don’t like that trap. Also, no, I am not the type of person who will answer “I am happily prioritizing all my Life Things this month!”

I’m a work in progress.

There are seasons where prioritizing is difficult and there are more Life Things than usual and something has to give. The beginning of fall requires a LOT of time management (and packing extra clothes and changing in my car) because I am often bouncing from one thing to the next.

If I leave you with anything with this message, it’s: BE KIND TO YOURSELF. The corn will be planted before we know it.

pumpkin spice everything

basic bumpkin

Sweet Corn season is done. In fact, corn season is done completely. The final signal to summer’s end is the mowing down of the corn fields and eating pumpkin spice Cheerios.

Also, you must watch this: Pumpkin Spice Everything with Adam Rippon

There is only a week or two left of Farmer’s Market season. I had to wear fleece while I was coaching this week. The Harvest Moon is waning. This week also starts fall semester of my second week of grad school. Time to light up the fire pits and burn last year’s syllabi. 🤘

midwest shenanigans

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I took our first trip down to Lake Ozark in Missouri. It was so beautiful! And we really lucked out on finding an AirBnB (with a hot tub!) on the lake (though probably a little further from All the Fun than we’d stay again). Last weekend, I took my first trip to Mall of America, and I was so underwhelmed that I just ate lunch in the food court and never left. Like my dad’s favorite joke goes: If you’ve seen one mall, you’ve seen em’all.

(No, seriously, my dad actually told us that joke when I was a kid and I NEVER stop laughing at it when I’m in a mall. I also strongly dislike malls very very much, maybe because of all my retail management years?)

Weekly Therapy: So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehn. Goodbye, Pittsburgh.

- Mel 1 Comment

the week:
Lots of “lasts” in Pittsburgh this week — last spin class at the Y with my girl Kylee, last run//yoga//run//club at Urban Elements with my tribe, last drink at the Pub (and my favorite salad in this city), last run through the Point (but definitely not the last cry), last massage (I’ve been seeing the same massotherapist for over 3 years!), last walk into downtown. People keep asking if I’m nervous (I’m not); I’m positively excited and anxious to get to my new home. That doesn’t take away at all from my amazing experience living in Pittsburgh for the last 5.5 years — I’ll miss the hell out of this place. And the reality of moving away from some wonderful friends struck me kinda hard this week.

Also, if you need to know the best (read: my favorite) place to cry in Pittsburgh, it’s at the Point, near the fountain at the top of the stairs… looking back out at the city. I don’t know how or why I always end up there when I’m feeling really freaking sad, but it’s become a special place for me.

30something_point state park Pittsburgh
Bye, ‘Burgh!

weekend:
Tonight is the last night in our Pittsburgh house, and we leave first thing in the morning. *waves*

By Sunday Lately, I’ll be publishing from Iowa!

seven things, seven days:
1. I’m a huge fan of overnight fridge oats, and this week I made a couple with the flavor packs that I received from Devotion Nutrition — swapping out my usual maple syrup for coconut biscotti and banana fosters Flex Flavors. SO GOOD.
2. I continue to get regular massages because my left IT band is almost always tight – and my shoulders and my glutes. But at this week’s appointment, my hip flexors are really messed up. Read: need to find a way to stretch my psoas? WHOOF.
3. Um, I intentionally and willingly ate gluten for the first time in over two years. (And the carrot cake cupcake was DELICIOUS.) So… I’ll be watching for any symptoms for a few days. I definitely got a headache that night, but it didn’t linger.
4. Speaking of all things gluten and not: I found a gluten-free bakery (donuts!!!) within walking (running?) distance of my new house.
5. I’m on the job hunt, so this article was incredibly eye-opening!: A top recruiter on what anyone can see after 30 seconds with your resume {via Quartz}
6. “Here’s the awesome thing about making choices and decisions – we get to make them. we get to decide and then change our mind when circumstance change. ” YES YES YES, ALL OF THIS, YES! Procreation Choices {via The New Wifestyle}
7. Good reference for any age group: 30-somethings should be doing a mix of interval training and lifting heavy weights — The best exercise for your age {via Huffington Post}

Weekly Therapy: DONUT YOU LOVE ME?!

- Mel

Donuts, man. #gimme
GF DONUTS_valentine, 30-something

the week:
I’m seriously breaking out ALL over my face and scalp this week. WHAT IN THE WORLD. A couple weeks ago made sense when I was PMS’ing, but this is simply ridiculous. I haven’t changed my cleansing routine nor am I using any new products. Hormones? Maybe stress-induced? Frustrating!

weekend:
THREE DAY WEEKEND, EVERYONE!

Our evenings and routine this week have been shaken up a bit due to house showings (and the boyfriend has come down with a nasty cold), so we’re canceling on the ballet tonight. However, I’ll be celebrating Galentine’s with my ladies on Saturday. And then, the boyfriend and I will be celebrating the day of love with him making me brunch in bed on Sunday. 😉

Since we have a long weekend and Monday off from work, my sister and niece are coming out for a night, too.

seven things, seven days:
1. Because it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend – and I love the ballet – I thought this PBT Love Story was a cute post.
2. DO NOT LIKE the astronaut cheese. *puke*
3. RTYI: Updated gluten-free Valentine’s Day candy list.
4. I’m… not a Super Bowl Baby. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5. Do any of you have a Helix Sleep mattress? I’m very interested in this type of product.
6. I feel as though I could have written this article – and I’m still searching for a job that fits all my needs: 4 Crucial Questions I Wish I Asked Myself Before Changing Careers {via The Financial Diet}
7. Sports sharpen the presidential image {via NY Times}

Have a wonderful Valentine’s/Galentine’s Day weekend, my lovelies! <3

On transformations.

- Mel

I wrote this post a couple months ago, but I really feel that it should be outside of draft status.

I’ve been thinking a lot about transformations lately, which has spurred from so many different directions and mediums. An email found its way to my inbox, requesting an update from an article written about me in 2006 (and my single life), for one. This person, I’m sure with good intentions, basically wanted to know if I ended up “happy”… but also wanted to know about the dating scene in Cleveland. The latter, I’m sure is awful (because isn’t it awful everywhere); the former: undoubtedly, yes.

[Ed note: I never responded to the letter, and yes, I told my partner about it.]

Ultimately, the whole thing left me feeling exposed all over again. I didn’t really like feeling exposed then (yes, despite agreeing to have the magazine do an article about me), and particularly now, my former life (and all its mishaps and misadventures) feels like some deep secret that I need to keep closeted away.

Prior to this email, I was equally caught off-guard when catching up on my Rich Roll podcast, to hear the infamous name of a fellow blogger (some would probably call us both douchebags or some derivative in our collective blogger heyday): Tucker Max. We both reveled in a lifestyle of partying and drinking and sipping up every opportunity to be wild and independent of really any responsibility. Those were our 20s. And in the early blogging days, bloggers like us wrote about their dating exploits — the good, the sad, the cringe-worthy, and the total destruction of messy break-ups and subsequent loneliness. He, obviously, wrote a lot more about the sex.

[Read: Tucker Max gives up the game {via Forbes}]

I broke up with my old blog (and its identity) years ago and never looked back. I experienced growth far beyond that identity (even if there are still many who refuse to believe that a person can change — family included). There was an inherent shame that was soon evident, attaching my online persona to that of Real Life Me, which affected me deeply both personally and, I honestly think, professionally, despite my feelings of pride at the time. People made me feel really, really bad about who I was. So I did a lot of soul-searching and friend searching and acceptance searching — in a lot of bad ways. For a lot of years. But it took a lot of digging in to uncover what was truly going to make me happy (was I not happy?). Make me even a better person (was I really that terrible or that different from any other single 20-something person?). In any event, that type of lifestyle was sure to run its course, and it did, and I have evolved. And I’ve moved on.

What took the longest was my self-worth. That I was worthy of praise and accomplishment and, most of all, love. That’s a ridiculous thing to admit, right? But man… I felt so damned and worthless for a huge bulk of my early adulthood. And it was all online. Exposed. Shamed.

I think that’s what made reading Jon Ronson’s “So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed” so… pained for me. The differences in actions and behaviors of shaming so abunduntly different online versus real life, but wholly affecting the person subjected to this public display of admonishment in BOTH. That pain, I think, lingers deep and long. And even more sad (and a lot more recent), Bullies came out like cockroaches despite the best efforts in pest control.

I found peace in my transformations, to be sure, and I don’t go searching for anyone’s permission or acceptance to living my own life… but that email definitely stirred up some bad memories.

More reading: How does one go about re-inventing oneself? For me, it wasn’t so much calculated as it was maturity and experience. And an absence of naivete. Letting go of things that no longer serve you, so they say. My buddy Justin (if you followed that link at the beginning of this paragraph) sums it up so succinctly: All you have to do is think differently and act accordingly.

December: 30 days of posts

- Mel

First things first, YES, I know there are 31 days in December — but I only plan to post on 30 of them. Back in May I did a similar post-per-day challenge (November 2012 was the last time that I participated in a 30-days post challenge for NaPoBloMo), and leading up to the New Year, I want to take stock of some of my experiences from this last year — looking at my 2015 goals, looking ahead to 2016 and thinking deeper about where I’ve been and where I’m going.

And maybe a little bit about being grateful on where I am NOT right now.

My posts will cover:
Relationships
Friendships
Fitness/wellness
Education
Work/career
Home life
Extracurricular
Volunteer
And anything else that comes up in the early mornings as I enjoy my first two cups of coffee.

I feel like I’ve been fleeting a bit lately, and I know that I do best on a schedule… but I’m not really sticking to a schedule and there is that “fleetiness” again. In December, I’ll start making some baby steps on next year’s resolutions – setting up some better habits and thinking about what it important to accomplish for next year. I feel deeply that 2016 will be another intense year of big changes, and I need to do my best at being prepared to mentally handle what’s to come.

Congratulations, Graduate!

- Mel

This past weekend was special. My family joined me to celebrate my accomplishment of (finally!) completing my bachelor’s degree. I traveled to the commencement ceremony in Columbus, Ohio because it was important that I acknowledge this achievement in-person. I really wanted the opportunity to savor it — to meet my classmates and those who I worked with in online courses, to meet my senior capstone adviser, to nervous-chatter and laugh (and cry a little), and to really feel proud of myself.

And I did.

This goal was personally important to me, and I had so much support from my partner during the last couple years to return to school and finish. He gave me strength when I had none. He (smartly) did not give me answers when I needed them. At times, this was a serious struggle — especially balancing work and travel and other life responsibilities. And other times, it felt impossible to see it through. All the trips that we took for long weekends, and I had to lug with me a laptop and a few books. Weekends and evenings completely devoted to writing papers and attending class sessions. I gave up volunteering. I retired from roller derby.

My life was one big note tornado.

And it was all worth it. But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the impact of that stress — up to and including the commencement ceremony. For starters, I never received confirmation of my final grades, possible honor status, and a degree audit… until I had to ask for that information. Nobody from the school provided details about the commencement ceremony, save for a static webpage that told me what time to be there. I received no President’s Letter for my final semester. I never heard from the program chair congratulating me on my completion.

And then my heart broke when I realized that our program’s graduates (and, yes, including me) were completely left out of the program book. I tried my best to not let that bring me down (but you bet your ass I emailed the Registrar’s Office to demand a reprint).

I won’t do too much cheerleading here, but know that if you have a goal like changing careers or going back to school in your 30s: it will seem impossible, and you find yourself continually struggling with the day-to-day and wondering how to juggle life. It is all worth that final moment of walking across the stage and seeing that piece of paper with your name on it. To hear your parents or partner or kids tell you how proud they are too. Don’t ever let your age stop you from making changes in your life.

IMG_1664

For the record, I graduated Summa Cum Laude. Yep, that level of dedication was all worth it.

Weekly Therapy: The same… but different.

- Mel

the week:
Every day my boyfriend asks me what I’m going to do with my evening. For the last two years, my “free time” consisted of my head in a book or laptop and hours spent on homework. More often than not my answer these days is somewhere between “nothing” and “everything.” I feel like I have no gear, but I’m trying to be mindful about my time with minimal obligations and my intentions for using it wisely.

It still hasn’t quite hit me that I’m done with my degree program. So, now I’m currently vacuuming a lot.

weekend:
Long run! A street party with lots o’ pig. And some yoga in the outfield of PNC Park. Yeah, pretty stoked for this weekend.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#30 “Whisper My Secret” by JB Rowley – Wow, I got completely caught up in this book! While the story was a bit predictable, the writing style kept me engaged until nearly the end (where I feel as though some of the writing fell flat).

seven things, seven days:
1. I received a postcard from a hello prompt subscriber in India. Made my week! I seriously love that tiny letter community so much.
2. I guess I got a head-start on my 30-day challenge to get rid of stuff… by leaving a bag of hair styling products and accessories in my hotel room over the weekend. RAWR.
3. Oh, just stockpiling my favorite running shoe that was discontinued and on 6pm.com at a closeout discount. What was that about getting rid of excess?
4. So excited for the boyfriend, who had the opportunity to golf in an amateur-champions game this week. He got to golf with a LEGEND and that is just the coolest. I really wish I could have been there to watch.
5. TRIGGER WARNING: And how those Trigger Warnings are coddling us. {via The Atlantic}
6. The difficulties of change management sums up my unusual work week. {via HBR}
7. For me and for my fellow social introverts: How to Avoid Introvert Burnout {via PsychCentral}

2015 Goals: Halfway Check-in

- Mel

Like others in the blogosphere, I created a list of Running Goals for 2015. Prompted by Chelsea of Pittsburgh City Girl, I wanted to do my own mid-year check-in.

1. Finish my half marathon in 2:20: YEP!
2. 100 individual runs and 500 miles: Based off my training journal, I have 44 recorded runs so far this year (MapMyRun dashboard gives me 51, but I know that I tracked a few courses to work to determine how far I was walking every day); also according to MapMyRun, I’ve logged 195.18 miles so far. I expect while continuing to train for the full, this number to jump exponentially.
3. One race per month: ERRRRRR *buzzer noise* I messed this up already in January; however, I have completed one race a month since April, and I have a race scheduled for every month for the duration of 2015.
4. Get a 5K sub-30 time, which wasn’t identified in that particular post, but was on my goal list: YEP!

As I’m moving through the foundation weeks of my training into the meat of my plan, here are some other goals I’m setting:
1. THREE runs per week. I don’t care if that third run is only a mile. Three times.
2. I need to research speed work, since it’s coming up in my plan; with that, 1x/week speed work.
3. Weight training! Ugh, why do I keep slipping on this? I’m doing a lot of body weight workouts, but I need to get into the weight room and lift some heavy shit. I won’t be unrealistic here, so I’m planning for 1x/week to start, with the eventual goal of 2x/week as I approach my half marathon in August.
4. YOGA. Our work-site lunchtime yoga program has ended, but I really enjoyed that break away from my desk every week. The PNC YMCA has its own lunchtime yoga sessions twice a week (and I already pay for a Y membership), so I’ll pick a day and make it part of my regular schedule. I fully intend to continue going to run//yoga club on Wednesday evenings so long as that’s still happening. My goal is to keep up with my 2x/week plan.
5. Run AT LEAST once a month with SCRR. I have this amazing group at my disposal, and keep making excuses for not joining in on the training runs (and not setting my alarm for weekends). I really had fun at Open Streets last weekend with the group, and I love my Wednesday night running group. Plus, I’m going to need that support when I start approaching these double-digit weeks.

How are you doing on your goals so far this year?

Weekly Therapy: Breaking shit and taking names (and calling contractors)

- Mel

the week:
What do you do with transformative thoughts and experiences? Allow them to ruminate for a while until you see what resides — what sticks? Or use them impulsively as a catalyst for changing everything in your life that no longer resonates?

I don’t know if this is the rumblings of a mid-life crisis or the emergence and clarity from one.

weekend:
Our neighborhood’s yard sale is this weekend, and I’m so excited to chuck a bunch of shit that’s been cluttering my life and home. This process is step one for creating an office slash relaxation space for me in the attic. Don’t put it past me to paint everything by Sunday. Side note: we now have air conditioning up on the third floor, which makes it more a loft than an attic now. Even if said new air-conditioning unit sounds like a helicopter landing on the roof.

I’m also excited to have my sister and niece out for the weekend. I’ll be running a quickie 5K Stride for Pride on Sunday morning (hopefully, PR’ing too) and will find a place to lay my yoga mat outside in the park soon after. My sister is a yoga instructor, so maybe she can show me some other fun inversions to practice.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#18: Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Harmful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

I really enjoyed this book — even more as I got further into it. If you’re a social psych junkie and interested in things like confirmation bias and self-justification, this is the book for you!

#19: Gluten is My Bitch: Rants, Recipes, and Ridiculousness for the Gluten-Free by April Peveteaux

I wanted to like this book more than I did, but it was thankfully a quick read so it didn’t waste too much of my time (especially skipping through all the recipes). Nothing new or mind-blowing here, if you’re already gluten-free, except for maybe an enhanced fear of cross-contamination.

seven things, seven days:
1. Ugh, student loans, amirite?
2. The main air conditioning unit won’t turn on. Looking forward to these 90-degree temps this weekend, for sure! (I’ll be hanging out in the attic with the new wall unit.)
3. Remember how much fun I had coloring at the Happiness Conspiracy sessions? Well, Skyhorse Publishing sent me a new coloring book: Paisleys: Coloring for Everyone. I’m going to enjoy this immensely.
4. I broke a door knob off in my house this week too because, you know, you fix a few things in the house and more shit breaks in their place. It’s a never-ending cycle of WTF, house?
5. There’s an Evereve store opening in Pittsburgh next week! It’s dubbed “clothing for moms,” but I think it’s 30-something-appropriate and fun even if you’re child-free. And I’m all about easy, functional, comfortable clothing.
6. I’m out of coffee right now, and have no microwave, so I just heated up yesterday’s leftovers in a pot on the stove. This life is glamorous, I tell you.
7. The benefits of boredom {via Greatist}

Current Struggles

- Mel

Today’s post is part of Blogger, May I?, with today’s prompt being Current Struggles.

I am no stranger to the struggle bus. Lately — while I’ve come to terms with my age — it’s weighted with the message of “I’m too old for this shit.”

struggle post

How do you tell someone you care about that you’ve changed too much despite them? I don’t even know if that’s the right way to put it… sometimes it feels like a lapse or distance in maturity and judgment. I don’t want to be around fake people — those who often ask for advice but never listen. Gah, is that the pinnacle of some bullshit, the opposite of authenticity. I don’t want to be around people who continually put themselves into situations where all the consensus of advice goes out the window. Not saying that my guidance is appropriate for everyone, but when values are misaligned… well, it’s just not going to work out. Perhaps I’ve just been shit on too many times, but it’s a struggle to find balance to accept someone for who they are and just not liking the person that they’ve become.

Alas, my current struggle has a lot to do with change. I’m no longer afraid of it, but I am frequently disappointed because of it. And I’ve found it very freeing that instead of holding on to the ideals of my former self, I can be all I CAN CHANGE WHAT I WANT. Going back to my aforementioned situation, I’m trying not to be a hypocrite and understand that others may not be so accepting of me.

And I need to find peace with both scenarios.