therapy

2019 Goals and Reflecting on last year

- Mel

At yoga last week, a friend commented on how much I’ve changed in a year. We attend this weekly community yoga class lead by the awesome Ben Spellman (Good Vibes Yoga, for those not in the know) – and his classes typically start by introducing yourself to others in the room accompanied by a hug.

shirt-back-free-hugs-2
credit: Hugs are Nice

The thought of giving hugs to strangers one year ago made me shiver in ick and roll my eyes at the general woo-woo feelings of it all. I generally stayed around my own mat, hugging a couple friends and awkwardly received a few strangers but ultimately felt really, really uncomfortable. I play a contact sport where I have to actively touch my teammates and they sweat all over me and yet I was wrapped in anxiety over a stranger giving me a hug.

That was last year. If you meet me at one of those yoga sessions now, I am actively seeking out people I don’t know in the room and freely giving hugs. #sorrynotsorry

Doing this small act had a big impact on me. Getting over the weirdness of it was a first step; gaining the happiness and connectedness over doing so was a far greater and deeper soul-enriching benefit.

The theme that keeps coming up for me, when reflecting on this last year and brainstorming on how I want 2019 to go, is: DOING. As in, DOING THE WORK.

Or maybe, likely, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I’m trying not to have an existential crisis this year, but at times it feels like it. Because I am 41 (howwwwww is my birthday already 4 months away again?!), it is likely sprinkled with a dose of Erikson’s stagnation stage and a dash of a midlife crisis.

By the time I close out 2019, I will be 42 AND done with grad school. Now, I don’t know if that means I’ll have my actual degree yet (because internship hours and completed/approved thesis and what-not), but my actual coursework will be completed. I have to do the work, else I won’t be prepared to present my thesis or pass my oral exam. Or be prepared for any of my upcoming internships. Or to DO THE ACTUAL WORK that comes after completing my degree in sport psychology. What will my consultant business look like? What type of athletes will I be working with? What other state certifications or licensure might I need?

Doing the work also includes incorporating some of the mental skills training techniques into my OWN athletic pursuits. I’m aiming to complete another half marathon this year (Drake Road Races in April) – maybe a marathon in the fall if I stay healthy. And I’m back to playing roller derby in 2019! I’m also doing my first barbell competition this year. And I’m signing up for my first women’s 9-hole golf league. 😬

I think a lot about doing the work, but rarely sit down and take the time to, you know, actually do it.

2018 tested my strength and purpose a lot. When my anxiety is triggered in certain situations — my self-worth in danger — I often relied upon my safety behaviors of avoidance. Like, I wanted to quit everything… including grad school. And not because I didn’t want to learn and pursue this new career, but because it was hard and I was exposed and my intelligence was challenged. Too often in my life I have followed the easy path because of its soft blanket of comfort. And 2018 was finally when I started therapy to change these maladaptive behaviors. I plan to continue this work into 2019. I go to sessions weekly, and together with my therapist we’re challenging a lot of stuff that is uncomfortable (and a lot of times, incredibly sad and defeating when it comes to my core beliefs). Talking about going to therapy and my social anxiety openly – and DOING the work of therapy – has honestly been really helpful. Wrapped in a bow, those ideas summarize what I plan to do more of in 2019 – be more open, more vulnerable…

And give more hugs.

Extra credit:
Want to track your habits? There’s an app for that. But it might not be as effective as you think. {via Vox}
Science says you need more hugs. {via Time}
How to balance Learning and Doing {via For the Interested} for THIS truth gem: “Learning is tempting because it’s hard to “fail” at it. This also makes it an attractive place to hide from the more important work of doing — work that likely will include failure.”

Did I make any goals this year?

- Mel

The approach of July had me thinking about personal mid-year reviews… and after writing down a few things on a to-do list, I didn’t do much reflection beyond that. With the onslaught of social media messages of WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LAST 90 DAYS and the like (I guess we’re now onto the last 60, fml, and fuck these online Influencers), there seems to be a death march to accomplish All The Things before you pop that bottle on 12/31/18 at 11:59 p.m.

goal setting FML
What the fuck am I doing?

Am I doing in 2018 what I set out to do at the beginning of the year?

Did I even set any resolutions?

What did I anticipate to happen this year?

How many times did I utter FML?

And if I didn’t blog about it, was any of it true?

Bullshit upon bullshit, etc. etc.

OH BUT WAIT. You were also supposed to make some goals on your birthday, dumbass. Or is it your half-birthday? And say “yes” more. Or less, depending on your flavor of Instagram motivational messages.

I’ll tell you what my personal death march is: finishing this damn degree and anticipating a return to the workplace. FML, I miss having a paycheck.

And then there’s the death march back to the start line after finishing only 13 miles of a 31-mile race. F. M. L.

Did I resolve to not swear as much this year? 🙄🙄🙄

I also have to death march back to therapy because my social anxiety and perfectionism is hell bent on destroying my attempts at achieving even just a little bit of success. Is there a joke about perfectionism and resolutions? Because I feel like there has to be one in there. I’ll ask my therapist. Speaking of therapy and social anxiety — most of which is rooted in rejection or the perception of rejection — I was rejected by four other potential therapists before finding one who would take me on as a new client. I realize that you can only control what you can control, but maybe find less rejection in your life, okay?

I guess that I did make some goals for March, April, and May. Is it a coincidence that I stopped making them after my birthday in May?

Oh crap, my half-birthday is in a few days…

Extra Reading
An Open Letter to Those Who Have No Ambition, No Goals, and No Dreams. {via A Conscious Rethink}
100 Days with No Goals {via The Minimalists}

Weekly Therapy: Jetting forward and lagging behind

- Mel

the week:
Well, I am positively exhausted. And I missed out on both Sunday Lately posts with my Blogger Tribe and am holding off on my Accountability Monday post until next week because… well, because last week’s training blog didn’t deserve its own post.

I’m catching up but now saddled with some extra, stressful shit on the homefront. SIGH. Also, I think I still have jet lag pretty bad or residual physiological exhaustion from my travel anxiety.

weekend:
This Sunday is the 5th Annual Yoga Expo at Pittsburgh Opera in the Strip District. I honestly don’t remember how I found out about this event (or remember even paying for it), but I did! My participation depends on the weather/driving conditions and if I can get a long run in on Saturday instead.

We’re also visiting A BABY – and dropping off some homemade food to friends (parents of said newborn). Pending the seriousness of this incoming storm, we’ll likely enjoy some beverages with some neighbor friends.

seven things, seven days:
1. Not a lot about myself this week, but the rest of the Internet made up for it!
2. That said, I’m having lunch at Smallman Galley today and OH LOOK AT ALL THOSE GF OPTIONS! What an awesome project this is, btw.
3. Well, here’s a different perspective on procrastination. {via NYT}
4. Oooooh “hunger [as] a motivated state of mind”. What say you? {via Aeon}
5. Research on boredom – I want to read more about its effect on performance. Boredom as related to performance psychology (and its counterparts, apathy and burnout) are particularly interesting to me, and what I hope to study when I go back to pursue my graduate degree. {via Nature}
6. Got stress? You should be paying attention to your body. Includes interesting research, too, about resilience. {via NYT}
7. Have you ever ghosted your therapist? {via Psychology Today}

Treat Yo Self! And by “Yo” I mean Me.

- Mel

I am no stranger to guilty pleasure. But recently I was looking for a new experience that would really help me tune out and check into some much-needed ME time. When I travel, it’s often with the boyfriend; when he travels, I’m taking care of three cats. I mean, they watch me pee. I’m never really alone.

I’ve been getting back into yoga and meditation — though I am super inexperienced on the latter. I’ve been trying to be more diligent about making yoga part of my regular weekly workouts and relaxation time. Having a once-a-week session during lunch hour through work is fantastic (so much that I might start closing my office door and practicing on my own when the program is over). I feel much more focused when I allow myself the opportunity to just let go — it’s so powerful. We used to have a derby sponsor whose tagline is: Yoga is my health insurance. Which is partly true, in a way.

Although, for me: Yoga is therapy.
yoga therapy

I think you’ll find most yogis would agree.

This upcoming weekend I’ll be attending a yoga retreat on the lake in Ohio, and it is a major treat for myself. I have been looking forward to this for months and will be “bunking” with another yoga-loving friend. It will be a good opportunity to log off and decompress (and drink some wine, let’s be honest). I’ll be scheduling my weekend posts, so I don’t miss out on the rest of my Blogger, May I? experience.

Group Therapy: I’m blogging for Mental Health #mhblogday

- Mel

Mental health is the foundation of our thoughts, feelings, self-esteem and behaviors and how each (or all) affect our life. Having good mental health provides a feeling of general well-being, helping you make better decisions and coping with everyday stressors. Sometimes, you may need assistance from a professional to take care of mental health — especially if emotions or problems seem beyond your control. I have a family history of (mostly undiagnosed) mental illness and have been personally treated for my own anxiety issues (a cluster of social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD and panic disorder).

I'm Blogging for Mental Health.

Being open about mental health can often lead to even more anxiety because of the stigma, rejection and lack of empathy or understanding for those of us living with mental health issues. Before you judge, educate yourself.

Some mental health facts:
– One in four Americans experiences a mental health disorder every year, according to the National Institutes of Mental Health.
– Chronic stress can affect both our physical and psychological well-being by causing a variety of problems including anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure and a weakened immune system.
– Research published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior finds that 68 percent of Americans do not want someone with a mental illness marrying into their family and 58 percent do not want people with mental illness in their workplaces.

Congress designated May as Mental Health Month in 1949 to illustrate the importance of mental health issues to the overall health and well-being of American citizens. Each year, bloggers will join APA for a Mental Health Month Blog Day to educate the public about mental health, decrease stigma about mental illness, and discuss strategies for making lasting lifestyle and behavior changes that promote overall health and wellness.

Stop the stigma of mental health disorders — and don’t hesitate to get professional services if and when you need help.

Group Therapy: A Taste of Therapy

- Mel

Identity. I talked about that in Monday’s post. Cook or chef or baker (even though I like to bake!) — none of these are in my list of personal identifiers. I manage OK when I’m on my own. I mean, I didn’t STARVE TO DEATH when I was single and lonely in my one-bedroom condo. But I’m happily benefiting from a boyfriend who LOVES to cook — it’s his creative release from a long day at work. Cooking for me? ADDS stress.

Ironic… it’s totally A.D.D. stress too.

Completely changing topics (but we’ll pull this all together, I promise)… you know how sometimes you feel as though you were just MEANT to meet somebody — be it a friend, networking contact or romantic partner? This is how I feel about the person that I’m introducing in my guest post below. We met online, as many in this digital age are ought to do; and I just knew we had to work together. She’s breaking the traditional mold of old-school therapy by applying the guiding practices in a creative way. Who she is, is the exact type of therapist that I intend to be: an adventurer.

Although… maybe without all that cooking.

Introducing Allison of A Taste of Therapy

Who am I?
Hi! My name is Allison Carver, I’m in my 30s and I am Licensed Professional Counselor from Richmond, Virginia. I own a business called A Taste of Therapy that takes a creative and unique spin on plain, old, boring therapy. I use cooking therapy! This is my true passion in life and I love it! I combine cooking classes with therapy to help others grow! When I opened in 2010 there was an unfilled demand for a creative and new alternative to traditional outpatient therapy in Richmond. Therefore I created a new type of therapy! I am professionally trained in both mental health therapy and culinary arts.

What is Cooking Therapy?
I believe that the process of cooking is therapeutic. Just as an Art Therapist uses the process of painting as therapy, I use cooking as a way to manage life’s stresses.

How did I come up with this idea?
I’ve always loved to cook and used it as my own personal outlet for years! Time and time again, I would find myself taking my own problems to the kitchen and working it out through cooking. One day it occurred to me that others would benefit from this. I began to incorporate these cooking techniques into my therapy practice! I soon discovered that cooking helped my clients more than I ever expected. Right then and there I knew this was a good idea.

Why it works?
Cooking is a relaxing process that you helps you unwind when you are feeling troubled. I find that when client’s keep their hands busy cooking, they are more likely to open up and discover what’s really troubling them. When you begin to use cooking as therapy you will relax, have fun, and learn how to manage life’s challenges through cooking! My classes teach specific skills about how to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, and anger. My classes will teach you how chopping, slicing, and kneading dough will help you feel better.

How do my workshops work?
When you sign up for a workshop you will get three separate sessions (an appetizer, entrée, and dessert session) of therapy and cooking. Each week you will discuss the appropriate therapy topics and then cook food. Workshops topics include: anger management, parenting issues, poor communication, anxiety, grief and loss, depression, poor self esteem, and relationship issues. They are designed for groups or individuals. I travel to your kitchen, making it really convenient!

Help! I don’t live in Richmond, but I want some cooking therapy!
I’ve just launched a new product that will help you out! It’s called: ATOT Takeout. It’s a personalized cooking therapy recipe designed just for you! It offers a solution for any minor life challenge. Just email me (info@atasteoftherapy.com) let me know that you would like to participate in ATOT Takeout. I’ll email you a form asking you what you are dealing with. Email it back to me with your $25 payment and within 24 hours I will email you back a personalized recipe and therapeutic tips to help you deal! IT will provided step by step instructions on how to use cooking to help you cope with your issue. *Bonus! If you mention you saw this on 30-something Therapy, I’ll give you $5 off!

Looking for more information?
Be sure to check me out on the web! I have a complete YouTube Channel that offers videos, recipes, and cooking therapy tips! Like me on Facebook, and follow along with Twitter! I’m excited to get to know you more!

Stay tuned for a special Taste of Therapy recipe that might be JUST what you need to wind down from the Thanksgiving holiday.

Weekly Therapy: a little pick-me-up with flower therapy

- Mel

The smell of geraniums is so calming to me. 

And the sight of sunflowers fills me with such happiness. Especially when they’re wild.

I also love purple flowers. These were wild in the garden bed of my new home. I wish that they could be there everyday.

While I don’t unfortunately have my own green thumb, I regularly purchase small bouquets of flowers for myself as a little pick-me-up. Trader Joe’s always has something inexpensive and colorful, and I look to my local farmers markets as well.

What is your go-to happiness therapy?