List of Ten Intentions for June

June 6, 2015 - Mel

1. It only took four months at my new job before I was dipping into our joint account again. I need to get my (new) budget under control, especially to be prepared financially for that six months after graduation when my student loans come due.

2. Starting training for my first full marathon this weekend, and just the thought of it right now is giving me a lot of anxiety and analysis paralysis. I need to explore those feelings. I haven’t yet figured out what plan I’m using either, so that’s likely part of the problem.

3. Enjoying a more relaxed state: being more relaxed about stuff happening/needing fixed in the house, not stressing about homework deadlines every week, not putting more pressure on the boyfriend, and generally more time in the hammock reading books. And wine.

4. Cross 5 books off my list for my 52 books in 52 weeks goal. I’m really eager to cross two items off my 30s Life List with this goal too — I have The Lion in the Bedroom, well, in my bedroom just begging to be read.

5. Random intention, but I plan to wear a dress or skirt at least once a week to work every week this summer — especially since recently tailoring a few skirts and dresses to fit.

6. Keep a blog schedule! That Blogger, May I? format really helped stoke the blogging fire again, and I’ve already bought a planner to help me. I won’t be posting every day, but it is definitely my intention to write more consistently.

7. So I have this bad habit of overwhelming myself with activities and fun things. Last month, I didn’t attend two events that I paid for in advance (one of the events was $50). So, I’ll either pay at the door on the day of interesting events or risk not RSVP’ing and getting sold out. No FOMO here.

8. My main goal is getting through this last semester, and with that intent comes a lot more pressure until August when I’m done with classes. A bad case of senioritis aside, and keeping in mind #3 on this list, I need to focus on a strong finish. By the end of this month, I’ll be changing over to my last two classes and ZOMG SO CLOSE. I promise, I’ll be more fun when it’s over.

9. Yoga. Kthxbai.

10. Now post-yard sale and basement/attic clean-out, I have an almost-empty, open-lofted, air-conditioned room to start setting up my office and yoga space. First up, find someone to replace drywall from when we purchased the house. I’ve decided to wait to paint until those things are complete because why do it twice? My intent here is to find someone to do the work, since unfortunately, this is out of my skill level.

Weekly Therapy: Breaking shit and taking names (and calling contractors)

June 5, 2015 - Mel

the week:
What do you do with transformative thoughts and experiences? Allow them to ruminate for a while until you see what resides — what sticks? Or use them impulsively as a catalyst for changing everything in your life that no longer resonates?

I don’t know if this is the rumblings of a mid-life crisis or the emergence and clarity from one.

weekend:
Our neighborhood’s yard sale is this weekend, and I’m so excited to chuck a bunch of shit that’s been cluttering my life and home. This process is step one for creating an office slash relaxation space for me in the attic. Don’t put it past me to paint everything by Sunday. Side note: we now have air conditioning up on the third floor, which makes it more a loft than an attic now. Even if said new air-conditioning unit sounds like a helicopter landing on the roof.

I’m also excited to have my sister and niece out for the weekend. I’ll be running a quickie 5K Stride for Pride on Sunday morning (hopefully, PR’ing too) and will find a place to lay my yoga mat outside in the park soon after. My sister is a yoga instructor, so maybe she can show me some other fun inversions to practice.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#18: Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Harmful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

I really enjoyed this book — even more as I got further into it. If you’re a social psych junkie and interested in things like confirmation bias and self-justification, this is the book for you!

#19: Gluten is My Bitch: Rants, Recipes, and Ridiculousness for the Gluten-Free by April Peveteaux

I wanted to like this book more than I did, but it was thankfully a quick read so it didn’t waste too much of my time (especially skipping through all the recipes). Nothing new or mind-blowing here, if you’re already gluten-free, except for maybe an enhanced fear of cross-contamination.

seven things, seven days:
1. Ugh, student loans, amirite?
2. The main air conditioning unit won’t turn on. Looking forward to these 90-degree temps this weekend, for sure! (I’ll be hanging out in the attic with the new wall unit.)
3. Remember how much fun I had coloring at the Happiness Conspiracy sessions? Well, Skyhorse Publishing sent me a new coloring book: Paisleys: Coloring for Everyone. I’m going to enjoy this immensely.
4. I broke a door knob off in my house this week too because, you know, you fix a few things in the house and more shit breaks in their place. It’s a never-ending cycle of WTF, house?
5. There’s an Evereve store opening in Pittsburgh next week! It’s dubbed “clothing for moms,” but I think it’s 30-something-appropriate and fun even if you’re child-free. And I’m all about easy, functional, comfortable clothing.
6. I’m out of coffee right now, and have no microwave, so I just heated up yesterday’s leftovers in a pot on the stove. This life is glamorous, I tell you.
7. The benefits of boredom {via Greatist}

10 Things: List of ten posts that I have saved in drafts

June 4, 2015 - Mel

This post idea came from a Blogger, May I? prompt for List of Ten Things (of 10 Things). Guys, I have three PAGES of drafts in my wordpress dashboard — 51 total unfinished or unpublishable posts.

Some notable randoms as I scroll through — with comments about each added (without even reading the drafts themselves):

Where did I put my glasses? — well isn’t this just the epitome of random. Is this an actual post or should it have been a google search? Either really perplexes me. Perhaps it’s a metaphorical reference to memory complications that start as you get older? Hilariously, this scenario played out in a HomeGoods store just a couple weeks ago when I left my sunglasses somewhere in the store. If you know HomeGoods, you know what a crap-shoot it is to find anything in that place, let alone personal belongings left behind. I found my glasses on a stack of towels in the linens section, by the way.

About Vitamin D — a few years ago, before a diet elimination proved an intolerance or sensitivity to gluten, my Vitamin D levels continued to drop, despite prescription supplements. Because of my previous skin cancer diagnosis, my sun worshipping days were numbered, but I continued in an every-six-months cycle of high dosages of D3 and more blood work to increase by numbers. When both of my D levels fell into single digits, I found myself at the office of a naturopath, trying to find answers to a myriad of troubles. That morning, over a year-and-a-half ago, I hadn’t yet eaten breakfast and have been gluten-free ever since. And six months later, my Vitamin D levels were FINALLY measured in healthy levels.

Have you ever read the symptoms and risks for Vitamin D deficiency? Scary.

Loss of self and reliance on other people — Oof. That’s heavy, right? Before I found this job a few months ago, I was really struggling with feelings of self-worth and the various dependencies that I had on the boyfriend (I mean, he’s basically the reason why I eat a balanced dinner every night and not nachos and cereal). I’m actually really interested in reading this one, given my distance from those feelings and the return of my self-esteem.

Holiday Hate: A lesson in loving Christmas — As a child of divorce, I hate Christmas. In recent years, and with much warmth and thankfulness to my boyfriend and his family, my black heart has grown to love the season. I mean, I already LOVE winter, how can I hate Christmas? Well, that feeling was so deep-seated, and it’s taken me some soul-searching (and some couples therapy) to get past some of my anger and disappointment. I’m sure this post was about why I hated the holidays so much, and how this past Christmas was something really special.

A plan to reduce stress and increase relaxation — I remember exactly what this post was about, and I really need to finish to publish. What started out as a project in one of my Psych courses, actually was a powerful tool for my personal development.

An interview with yourself — What’s ironic is that I’m working on a behavioral 360 assessment/group project in another Psych course… but that’s present tense, so this can’t be it. I have issues with interviewing, specifically with behavioral interviews, and this class has been an eye-opening experience. Hey, maybe it will help me to interview better! Still though, this post… I’m not really sure I like its tone.

My first APA Convention — Oh man, I’m so mad that I didn’t post this, especially as I’ll be soon attending my second APA Convention this summer — and there was SO MUCH good info gleaned from attending. Also, I was selected for a second time to the APA Twitter Team. Randomly, I’ll be connecting with a former high school classmate who is studying in my same field of interest while I’m in Toronto.

Finding Therapy: A Weekend in Nemacolin — This draft is from my birthday LAST YEAR. Again, really disappointed in myself that I didn’t capture and post how amazing (and how necessary) this weekend was. If I could buy a timeshare at Falling Rock, I would basically live there.

Word of the year: Identity — Yep, I have some resolutions for the year, and identity was the word that I pulled out of a lot of goals and intentions. It’s been something on my mind a lot recently, so I’ve got a post (yes, another draft) for next week that talks about this very thing.

Pittsburgh Half Marathon Training: By the Numbers — #weaksauce I didn’t even do a half marathon training wrap-up? Embarrassing mileage or not, I need to get this posted so that I can better assess my plan for my second half and my first full (training starts this weekend… ACK!).

SUNDAY LATELY: Doing, Appreciating, Designing, Humming, Expecting

May 31, 2015 - Mel

Doing:
Now that I’m home from my yoga retreat, I am swiftly transitioning into homework mode. I have a pretty intense assignment due tonight at midnight, which if I didn’t have 18 other assignments due by Thursday last week, I probably would have already had a head-start on it. Trying to stay relaxed, but my last assignment I missed points for something that wasn’t detailed in the instructions.

Appreciating:
Today’s the last day of Blogger, May I? and I kept my intent of posting every day, following all the prompts and really finding a new appreciation for blogging in general — and finding some new bloggers to follow in the process.

Designing:
I’m designing a job competency model for my partner in this class and all… zzzzzzzz.

Humming:
During one of our yoga sessions this weekend, the instructor blasted “Feel Me Flow” by Naughty by Nature, and basically I’m stuck back in 1996 all over again. (Totally appropriate considering that I was in Geneva-on-the-Lake this weekend too.) It was awesome.

Expecting:
To be honest, I have low expectations for today. I’ll get my paper done, naturally, but I have little energy for much of anything else. One of my lasting take-aways from this weekend was “nearly perfect is good enough.” I have a problem with high expectations, bordering on an insane level of perfectionism. And sometimes I transfer this ideal onto others. I need to be OK with not being “perfect.” I need to be OK with others not being perfect. We can’t all be expected to be perfect from the beginning — the practice is just as important. I expect this mantra to take me to good places.

If I Had a Super Power…

May 30, 2015 - Mel

I wish I could talk to and understand my cats. Or maybe all animals. But seriously, what the hell is he screaming about at 4:30 in the morning?

Weekly Therapy: Play to win or play to have fun?

May 29, 2015 - Mel

the week:
It was a short week for me work-wise having both Monday and Friday off, but I certainly crammed a week’s worth of work into those three days. I feel like next Monday will be unbearably long…

weekend:
I won’t tire of bragging about my retreat — I am positively elated and looking forward to a weekend full of yoga and relaxation. And being on the lake. I might even play some air hockey at one of the arcades nearby.

52 books in 52 weeks:
#17 Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, The Sleep You’re Missing, The Sex You’re Not Having, and What’s Really Making You Crazy.

While my overall feel of this book was lukewarm and I wished it would have pursued more where my interests were (and a lot less where they weren’t), it prompted me to take action in regards to stopping my birth control last month (it took me a while to get through this book). I’ve been talking about it for a few years already and after reading about the long-term effects (that my doctor certainly has never talked to me about), it was time to give it up — and to enjoy what’s left of this glorious perimenopausal time of life.

seven things, seven days:
1. My allergies were out of control this week. POLLEN VORTEX.
2. I was seriously so pumped that I had the opportunity to see Neil DeGrasse-Tyson’s lecture earlier this month; naturally, I was extra-excited when a friend pointed this limited edition poster out to me. It’s GLOW IN THE DARK.
3. Nicky’s Thai for lunch on Tuesday, means Nicky’s Thai leftovers for lunch on Wednesday and Thursday.
4. Contractors who came out to do an estimate for cleaning the basement after the sewer backed up have STILL not given us the freakin’ estimate. So annoyed.
5. My “new” chair is finished! Urbane Reclamation customized this AMAZING vintage chair for us with new fabric and a new stain. I can’t wait to show you the finished project once it’s in my living room!
6. This post “Why Kids Quit Sports” include several reasons why I finally quit roller derby this year. Important viewpoints for adults here too, if you have kids who play sports {via Changing the Game Project}
7. I enjoyed this article immensely — especially as I’ve struggled with overcoming nagging injuries leftover from roller derby and finding a passion for CrossFit again. A Different Version of CrossFit: How I made my training sustainable and injury free {via Breaking Muscle}

#Hashtag #Happy: Hashtag, #StopIt.

May 28, 2015 - Mel

The headline of this post for Blogger, May I? has my max supported hashtags. Any more than three and you lose my attention and you are probably the worst (kidding. kinda). This is coming from a social marketer (me) and a whole supporter and a frequent user of all things social media. I started to find myself annoyed by their abundant over-use in twitter and then Instagram happened — that’s basically where all hashtags go to die in a miserable, un-followable paragraph of hashtag death. Because people feel it necessary to use 80 on one picture to attract as many followers as possible. And these aren’t even sponsored posts! AND this isn’t the purpose of social networking. It’s supposed to be about growing a community and connecting with those people within it.

You cannot do that with 10 billion followers, #sorrynotsorry. If you think this is the intended purpose of social online, then we come from two very opposite schools of thought.

So, my public service message to you is just #STAHP. Your overuse of hashtags is hashtag #dumb (my favorite hashtag to use, for those playing along at home).

Treat Yo Self! And by “Yo” I mean Me.

May 27, 2015 - Mel

I am no stranger to guilty pleasure. But recently I was looking for a new experience that would really help me tune out and check into some much-needed ME time. When I travel, it’s often with the boyfriend; when he travels, I’m taking care of three cats. I mean, they watch me pee. I’m never really alone.

I’ve been getting back into yoga and meditation — though I am super inexperienced on the latter. I’ve been trying to be more diligent about making yoga part of my regular weekly workouts and relaxation time. Having a once-a-week session during lunch hour through work is fantastic (so much that I might start closing my office door and practicing on my own when the program is over). I feel much more focused when I allow myself the opportunity to just let go — it’s so powerful. We used to have a derby sponsor whose tagline is: Yoga is my health insurance. Which is partly true, in a way.

Although, for me: Yoga is therapy.
yoga therapy

I think you’ll find most yogis would agree.

This upcoming weekend I’ll be attending a yoga retreat on the lake in Ohio, and it is a major treat for myself. I have been looking forward to this for months and will be “bunking” with another yoga-loving friend. It will be a good opportunity to log off and decompress (and drink some wine, let’s be honest). I’ll be scheduling my weekend posts, so I don’t miss out on the rest of my Blogger, May I? experience.

Every 30-something needs… a new identity.

May 27, 2015 - Mel

For the last year and a half, I’ve been juggling a job, school full-time — and for a long duration of that, playing roller derby, which often felt like another part-time job. For most of last year, I was burned out and stressed out and any other down-and-out emotion you could tack on. My relationship was a wreck. I was a wreck. My poor house was a wreck. I started to come to peace with having to give something up. If I can be completely frank, I don’t have to work, but I choose to because it gives me purpose and makes me feel more like a partner in a household rather than… well, I don’t know what the opposite of that is. Plus, my own money dot com like a responsible 30-something. School is my future self, and I’ve been working too hard and too long to go back now. I initially gave up my volunteering role, which I miss immensely.

Derby was the final decision. It’s something that I struggled to come to terms with — that loss of identity from playing a sport that I’d participated in for 4.5 years. The irony is, once I made the decision to retire, I found a much more whole and authentic identity that has made me happier than I ever imagined.

That’s weird, right?

IDENTITY was my word for 2015, as I faced a lot of my fears about change and leaving behind an old me that didn’t fit any longer. I ended January with a new job, loss of a job in which I was employed for three years (but that was making me miserable), a retirement from a sport that I loved to play (but hated the drama that came along with it), and a calm and “free time” that I had all but forgotten about.

After attending a home game this past weekend, I miss the sport and (most) people a lot, but I have residual damage. Derby opened up the opportunity to embrace my authentic self, and at the same time, made me feel more unsettled about who I was. Who I AM is taking some time to recognize. I’m getting there.

Maybe some day I’ll get to that point of lacing my skates back up again. But does that mean going back to a part of me that doesn’t exist anymore? Is that the opposite of progress — or the celebration of it?