Every 30-something needs…

Every 30-something needs… to feel beautiful in her own skin.

- Mel

My blogger friend Terra of Stylish White Female started a great idea: to show off the bare naked faces of women to show that we ALL are beautiful. (follow along on twitter too: #barenaked)

She requested her female readers reveal their bare-skinned faces — no makeup, no fancy filters, no hiding behind hair — and I submitted my picture. Along with a horrible list of all the things wrong with my bare face. What’s weird is that I’m not self conscious about my body at all — but my face? Zero confidence. I see enlarged pores and saggy, sullen skin and under eye circles and red eye lids and sun damage (and sadly, now skin cancer scars)… and age. Even when I showed off my skin cancer scars and surgery pictures, I was hiding behind a mess of bruising and bandages.

Even hiding behind a pair of eye pads.
Even hiding behind a pair of eye pads.

The truth is: I DO NOT LIKE myself — my face — without makeup. Even less so as I get older.

Terra started an amazing project that hopefully prompts more women like me to love the skin we’re in. I’m trying… and her thoughtful response back to my list of negative comments honestly made me cry. I don’t know why I hate on my face so much — or why I’m struggling emotionally so much with aging — but her praise and encouragement made me reconsider how I see myself.

I’ve got some work to do, but I’m forever grateful for her doing such a project.

Every 30-something needs… a mix of the good memories and bad.

- Mel

Something weird happened this week: I saw a blogger’s recent teaser post about her wedding, and her dress looked similar to the one I purchased seven years ago for my wedding.

THIS is the dress, by the way. *sigh*
This is THE dress, by the way. *sigh*

I didn’t get married. In fact, I’m *still* not married (obviously, I’m not with the same person anymore either). Believe me though, I’m not hung up over it — that whole experience basically turned me off to the idea of marriage. But I was struggling with why it made me so sad to see the dress. Was it because she looked beautiful in it, and I never had the opportunity to look beautiful in mine? Or was it simply just another hurtful pang of memories passed?

Or perhaps it was the $700 deposit that I couldn’t get returned?

From wikipedia:

Motivated forgetting is a debated concept referring to a psychological defense mechanism in which people forget unwanted memories, either consciously or unconsciously. There are times when memories are reminders of unpleasant experiences that make people angry, sad, anxious, ashamed or afraid. Motivated forgetting is a method in which people protect themselves by blocking the recall of these anxiety-arousing memories… This could induce forgetting without being generated by an intention to forget, making it a motivated action. There are two main classes of motivated forgetting: repression is an unconscious act, while suppression a conscious form of excluding thoughts and memories from awareness.

As my friend so eloquently put, “It’s a memory… not necessarily a bad memory, and a very important part of your life that shaped you.”

Now, as I’m remembering all of this, I almost want to have a good memory (wedding) to replace the bad one (canceled wedding). But this would mean getting married, which… I have mixed emotions about altogether. I’m sure many 30-somethings have found themselves in similar emotional turmoil. Let’s have some group therapy in the comments!

More:
Why People Remember Negative Events More Than Positive Ones {via New York Times}

Every 30-something needs… a way to deal with allergy symptoms.

- Mel

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Zyrtec for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

Something that 30-somethings all look forward to: the developing of seasonal allergies. And this season, my allergies were ridiculous. 

Watery eyes, red nose, puffy face? Check. (and ugh.)

I had to find a way to combat my Allergy Face. Enter Zyrtec. 

Zyrtec offers QUICK relief from symptoms (OTC, FTW!), so I feel better (itchy nose and throat is the worst!), and check out some of these ALLERGY FACE beauty tips to help you LOOK better too: 

  1. Highlight Help

    When applying your foundation, layer a shimmery highlighter underneath for extra brightening. For best results, highlight the right areas on your face: top of your cheekbones, the bridge of your nose, brow bone, and arch of your lip.

  2. Redness Reducer

    Use yellow-based foundations to help neutralize redness. A yellow-based mineral pressed-powder will help prevent flaking on especially rosy areas.

  3. Pillow Pileup

    At night, use an extra pillow or two to help elevate your head. This can help drain fluids from your face so skin and eyes are less puffy in the morning.

  4. Don’t Wait to Hydrate

    Drink plenty of water when you’re dealing with ALLERGY FACE™ beauty challenges. Mix things up by creating your own beauty water. Cucumber, grapefruit or lemon slices will taste great and leave you feeling refreshed.

  5. Tender Tissues

    Invest in a box of lotion-treated tissues that are fragrance-free. After sneezing and blowing your nose all day, their gentleness will prevent the area around your nose from becoming sore.

The BIGGEST mistake women make is to keep makeup for longer than one year (51% of you — tsk tsk!). That's just another culprit of Allergy Face waiting to happen. I know when a mascara is "going bad" on me and exacerbating my allergy face symptoms: runny, itchy eyes are no fun — especially after spending all that time getting ready in the first place. 

Watch Zyrtec's Beauty Talk video for more tips on combating ALLERGY FACE. 

Check out Check out Zyrtec on Facebook for more beauty tips and methods for combating ALLERGY FACE. 

 

Visit Sponsor's Site

Every 30-something needs… a pair of comfortable flats! (that are not tennis shoes)

- Mel

I am at a crossroads with my shoe collection. Aside from weddings, I can’t tell you the last time I wore a pair of heels in the last year. And yet, I own something like 80 pairs. Most of them still in storage from the move LAST October! And yes, I have plans for ridding my life of them. Interested?

This means that I’ve been rotating through my flats — a modest collection — and yet, none of them fit properly. Being comfortable has so much to do with well-being. Mood is directly tied to footwear: Flats for comfort, heels to make you feel powerful, boots to keep your feet dry, wedges to make you look like a dumbass when you’re tripping all over the sidewalk. Why else do we go shoe shopping when we’ve had a bad day, amiright?!

On my radar: are they really as comfy as advertised?
On my radar: are they really as comfy as advertised?

Seriously. I’ll pay ANYTHING to own a pair of flats that don’t tear apart my heels and inside of my foot or push on the outside bone near my pinky toe. (OK, probably within reason.) New Toms: terrible. I love my Toms wrap boots SO MUCH, but every time I wear the casual flats, I end up having to slip out of the heel and step on the back of the shoes for the remainder of my errands. Because, OUCH. This happens with SO many pairs of flats for me. The new slip-on Skechers I bought recently? Super comfy in the store, but ONE AFTERNOON of wear put horrible blisters on BOTH feet. Awful, terrible, bleeding blisters. Like, how the hell am I supposed to skate with open sores on my feet?! Strappy sandals are the worst — digging, rubbing, too tight… I refuse to wear flip-flops in the city, so don’t bother suggesting. I’ve tried brands like Mia, Converse, Chinese Laundry and BC Footwear.

Even wearing regular tennis shoes on a hike started rubbing rough on the side of my foot around mile 3. These were fitted by a shoe store professional, by the way. If you’re curious, even with semi-custom skate boots, I still have fit problems, mostly in the heel. It’s a never-ending battle with footwear.

Needs: comfort, support, prefer leather (so it’s something that will eventually mold to my feet AND hold up) — in a style that can go both casual-to-happy hour.

SEND HELP TO MY FEET, 30-somethings!

Drool over SHOES!!! with me on Pinterest.

Every 30-something needs… a reminder on her birthday.

- Mel

happy birthday lollipop where did you come from

Of how far you’ve come.

Of where you’re going.

Of all the bullshit you’ve endured already in this life. Nay, this year.

That this, too, will somehow pass. No matter the shattering of hearts and testing of resilience.

That friends are really important.

That family is even more so.

That age is just a number. Like a street address or a phone number on caller ID reminding you of your past.

Of where you were this time last year.

Of how you didn’t know what a difference a year would make.

Of where you are now. Now might not be so good… but it will be better. It’s always better.

And that next year you’ll be another year older and there will be more imbalances with your hormones, so just. stop. stressing.

Every 30-something needs… a skin cancer screening.

- Mel

Listen to me. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I am a 30-something, fair-skinned, mole- and freckle-covered, former tan-addict, once-a-year accidental sunburner, beach and sun-loving woman… who just discovered she has skin cancer.

The biopsy done on my face last month: basal cell carcinoma.

Thankfully, it’s the most common and treatable type of skin cancer. I will be having MOHs surgery later this month to remove everything, with hopefully minimal scarring or disfiguring or concern for the cancer spreading. The sobering news has been a HUGE wake-up call to me. Naturally, I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions over finding out — most of which, stupidity that I could have done more when I was younger to help prevent this. Last year, I had a semi-scare, with my doctor removing two flat little freckles (not cancerous, but concerning enough to be biopsied). One of which was underneath my butt cheek. For real. My face, for whatever reason, feels REALLY personal. I have to see it every day. Underneath my rear end, it’s easy to forget the warnings.

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Serious time. Listen to the advice of the experts: USE SUNSCREEN. Don’t just rely on makeup SPF. STOP TANNING. No really, not even the one before your wedding or vacation or whatever dumb excuse of an event to be tan. Get your annual screening.

May is Skin Cancer Awareness month, and I need to emphasize how important it is to regularly see a dermatologist and raise your awareness of skin cancer warning signs. Rite Aid and the Skin Cancer Foundation are hosting the Road to Healthy Skin Tour (in its sixth year!), which be making its way across the country throughout the summer. Full-body skin exams are conducted on a first come, first served basis available to the public. Check the Tour Schedule for locations in your area.

Check out skincancer.org for everything you need to know about the signs of skin cancer, early detection and prevention, treatments and references for dermatologists in your community.

While you’re at it, take this Skin Quiz to inform you of your risk.

Every 30-something needs… a vacation.

- Mel

I’m back!

This past week’s adventures took us through Southern California and Arizona. CHILLY California. COLD Arizona. By plane, and then by rental car. At least there wasn’t snow? But seriously, who would’ve thought we would need an ice scraper in Phoenix?!

Sure, it was chilly and beautiful and a little hard on my body… But this vacation was a success!

The main reason for the trip was for roller derby (it’s the beginning of our travel season; and this, being our “big” trip of the year). I SKATED BANKED TRACK! SUCH a thrill. The secondary reason: well, I’ve never been to San Diego or LA, so we flew out a couple days early to explore and stayed a day later (to take a road trip to do #3). Thirdly: to visit with my siblings and meet my new niece! One of my favorite parts of the trip was all of us sitting on the bed face timing with my Dad in Ohio.

Why you need a vacation too:
Whether it’s a trip around the world or a staycation in your hometown, each and every one of us 30-somethings needs some time off: to decompress, de-stress… enjoy life’s simple pleasures again without the constant checking of email and internet (wish somebody would have told the boyfriend *tsk tsk*), and hey, maybe reconnect with a loved one (for me, it was to connect with my teammates AND family). Some other reasons we use to vacation: you might need time away from the kids (or other family). Or could benefit professionally from a writing retreat. Or desperately need a girls only weekend.

A vacation — hey, even a long holiday weekend break — is something that changes up our daily patterns and responsibilities — all while helping our minds and bodies recharge.

Now that I’m back (and relaxed and recharged… and IcyHot-ed all over from three games in three days), I’ll be sure to share some highlights of my trip in upcoming posts.

More reading:
{The Science Behind Vacations} – from IBT
{7 Ways to Beat the Winter Blahs} – from yours truly, via All Women Stalk
{Why Your Brain Needs a Vacation} – from CNN Health

Every 30-something needs… some resolutions.

- Mel

I hate the word “resolutions” just as much as the next 30-something (I mean, it’s like settings up for failure, right?), but I do set some goals for myself for the year. We need goals — something to live for, strive for and accomplish. This is what makes our life worth a damn: purpose.

Resolutions. Or at least some intentions.
To be a better person (in more ways than one).
To be healthier.
More motivated. More generous.

The following for 2013:
Financial: Pay off my credit card debt before starting school next Fall. Pay off old school debt to get my transcripts released.
Education: Apply to an additional college (not one I was originally anticipating attending, but would be proud to “get in”.) Finish all application and registration requirements. GO BACK TO SCHOOL! (yay!)
Diet & Exercise: Make A-level travel team. Train for my relay leg in the marathon. Get stronger. Lift more. Find easy, healthy meals that I can make on my own.
Work: Better business tracking: time spent on projects, job app-to-hire percentage, all business expenses. Continue to look for work that is new and challenging. Pitch more.
Relaxation: Shut down the phone and read once per day. If I’m on my phone every day, I can have my nose in a book everyday. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes.
Home: Finish house projects. Complete paint remodel of the first level. Decorate my master bathroom.
Love: Love and support the boyfriend in all aspects of his life (including his high-stress job and travel). Stop being so bitchy and expecting to suddenly live with a mind reader (ie: tell him what’s on my mind instead of being defensive upfront). More date nights.
Friendships: Send one handwritten letter to a long-distance friend or family per month. Make the time to visit and reconnect with long-time friends in Ohio. Connect and hang out more with my team/leaguemates.
Do Good: Continue to volunteer and donate time and money to my favorite charities and causes. Be emotionally available for friends and family in need.

But then I took this whole Resolutions thing one step further. I made a list of promises for each month of the new year. Because I’m mostly crazy, but also because I really like to challenge myself. Each directly relates to my resolutions — and are tied bad habits that I’d like to break or motivation that I’d like to gain.

A Year of Promises
January: 30 days of no alcohol.
February: 30 days of WAKING UP BEFORE 8am. (I’m going on vacation this month; will be interesting)
March: 30 days of no sweets
April: 30 days of “something new”
May: 30 days of yoga
June: 30 days spending freeze
July: 30 days of NO PANTS (dresses and skirts only; save for working out)
August: 30 days of volunteering
September: 30 days without social media (this is when I intend to return to school; will be taking a month-long hiatus from both social media and blogging because I WILL NEED IT)
October: 30 days of dates!
November: 30 days of blog posts
December: 30 days of relaxing (sit back and listen to Christmas music; you’ll need it!)
*if there are 31 days in a month, consider Day 31 a “freebie”; 28 days, an “easy” goal, which… not really.

More: 5 Questions You Need to Ask Before Making Your New Year Resolutions {from Psych Central}
10-step Guide for Making Your New Year Resolutions {from PsyBlog}

Image credit: FrameAngel

Every 30-something needs… a holiday tradition.

- Mel

Do you remember banging pots n’ pans on New Year’s Eve as a kid?
And eating Strata and imbibing in early mimosas for brunch as an adult for your first visit home for Christmas?
Waiting for Mom to read The Night Before Christmas? (and that other weird story about the train and the bell that you and your siblings STILL don’t know what it’s about.)

Do you serve food to the less fortunate?
Walk dogs and petting kitties at your local shelter?
How about joining your neighbors to sing carols?
Or playing Cards Against Humanity with fellow “orphans” who have no family in town?

Or sitting in front of the wood fire stove in your first home and watching the cats go crazy with their new bouncy cardboard castle? (seriously, I’m just waiting for these felines to go nuts over this new gift.)

Or baking a special kind of cookie, that reminds you of your Hungarian grandmother.
Or eating all of the pierogies because it reminds you of your long-divorced Polish step-family.

Whether you’re on your own or partnered up, it’s important to maintain some sort of tradition that makes you smile, warms your Grinchy heart, and reminds you of what’s important. These small acts attach us to the holiday (even when you’re not feeling it), connects us to Christmas memories (present, past and future) and to one another — be that a significant other, your children or pets, or extended family.

Keep mind of the little things this holiday.
Merry Christmas, 30-somethings!